Tag Archives: Writing

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The Act of Bereavement

Once my husband did his usual psychoanalysis of me, which if you ever met me you’d know this could be a feat to figure out just one thing wrong with my mental state. In this analysis of me, he said the lines “you don’t grieve; you just try to take the strong road. Some day you’re going to have to.” That’s a loaded statement, especially for car ride talk. I considered what he said years ago and today I sit here and I’m reminded of it again.

I could argue people grieve in their own way at their own pace, that’s true. I think about it though, and I don’t remember ever going through that famous 5 stage process of grief. It’s almost like telling a brick wall someone they cared about just passed. I never analyzed myself to consider why. Do I just lack a bond with people so when I hear someone just died, I don’t react at all? That can’t be right; I have remotely normal relationships with people.

Maybe, growing up acknowledging that death existed and no one was immune from it from a young age made me less shocked about it. I could argue that maybe at some point, I became so desensitized that I miss out on the “shock factor” of hearing those words. Or to make myself feel better, maybe since most of the death I’ve experienced in life were never unexpected, that I was able to slowly prepare myself so when it happened I wouldn’t be as upset.

The real moral of the story here is people deal with tragedies in their own way, even if that way may seem incredibly screwed up to you. Doesn’t mean that they are heartless, soulless people, it just means that some people cry and some people joke around. Anyone going through the process needs their own time and hopefully are lucky enough to have people to love and support them while they grieve, even if it doesn’t seem like they’re going through the process like people think they should.

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A Wise Person Once Said….

To be completely honest, last week’s posts or lack thereof was a result of good old-fashioned writers block. If I have nothing interesting to say, why should I bother anyone who reads about it? That just makes me look more subpar than usual and makes you bored reading. I would argue that this same principle is the reason I’m a person of few words. That’s not it, I keep my comments mostly to myself for 2 reasons: 1) Most of the time, it’s a comment completely inappropriate or very offensive; 2)  I’m more of a silent observer sort. Sometimes it’s better to take everything in and not comment at your first instinct. This makes me a more informed commenter, and not one who speaks every bit of useless thought that comes to my head. A wise person once told me that.

That’s the theme of my blog today, if the title was too subtle. In 28 years, I have learned one most important lesson that will help anyone: I am not the smartest person in the world, and I don’t know everything. I accept advice and criticism; I’m so far from perfect and I like to learn from my mistakes. Thankfully, since I’m so far from perfect, I’ve made plenty of mistakes to learn from. My personal favorite? “No one is worth crying over if they won’t cry over you”. In every breakup or difficult moment in relationships, I put on Dashboard Confessional or Fall Out Boy (2nd CD) and consider that quote. In fact, I remember every quote of importance someone said to me, even if it’s a silly or sarcastic quote from a movie. Ask me my favorite sometime; you’ll be both repulsed and amused.

While that last bit of wisdom was my favorite, it’s not the one that I live by with the most relevance even to this day. In high school, I was told that “there was no such thing as overreaction; generally the first reaction is the appropriate one”. This was paraphrased of course, I can’t remember too much these days. Thankfully, even though I’m pregnant, I’ve retained most of my emotional sanity. That statement says a lot, considering I’m as emotionally inept as I am socially. Those words of wisdom are the sole reason I made it out of high school, and the reason I can remotely keep my cool when I really want to hit something. It brings me comfort.

The best thing about listening to sound advice is the wisdom you can pass down to you children. I can’t wait to reuse these and sound smarter than I am to my offspring. I’d like to ask that you disregard the obviously insult worth music I’ve listed, I like them and stand by them and I don’t care to hear your laughter. I also would like to ask you what your favorite bit of advice was.

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Football and Other Jaw Dropping Moments

For starters, I would like to thank the Patriots for winning yesterday. Wait, I said this wrong. I would like to thank the kicker for missing the field goal which allowed the Patriots to make up for their mistakes and not lose the game. We couldn’t have done it without you Billy Cundiff! (Also, the looks on everyone’s face when that kick missed was priceless. I laughed for hours.) Can’t wait to see the Patriots redeem themselves after the last time they faced the Giants though, I hope so anyways. First though, we have to suck a little less at the Super Bowl.

Next on my moments of awe this weekend, I saw a 9-year-old turn into a high school-er, but more useful. First I find out there’s a school dance he would love to attend. I walked out as my hormonal self cried a little over this, but agreed to work it out with him. Then as I became overwhelmed by cooking for the game and my husband was at work, this little adult announces that he will be doing the laundry to help and lugs a basket larger than himself down the stairs. I should also mention that the laundry came out flawlessly and I realized that he was now more useful than most men I knew. It was refreshing to know I did something right.

Finally on my list of shocking moments, Newt wins a primary? I’m personally shocked by this. He’s not a likable or charismatic person by any means, and I’ll admit I’m not a Republican but I’m still lost here. He should thank his speech writers, those unsung heroes of any successful politician. Or, give a shout out to the same person that made Cundiff miss that field goal, because those were both miracles we didn’t see coming. I assumed Romney, the more charismatic and likable guy would’ve pulled it off and not walk away with half the votes Newt did. I suppose we’ll see what happens in Florida, and I hope that my son won’t become a janitor at school because they both got rid of child labor laws and minimum wage. Go America!

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For Teen Moms: My Thoughts on Hypocrisy

This post was my Wednesday post, which I opted to move to Friday for more important things. Let’s hope the people we “elect to speak for us” do their job and listen to us not wanting SOPA. Go team and sign a petition if you haven’t already.

I laugh sometimes when I sigh and think of what we get on TV. We have shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant which aim to show kids how difficult it is to be a teen parent, and hopes to make them think a little about consequences. What I see are spoiled brats that can’t raise kids, but get more money to support their family for being on television than I do. I don’t think its aim is to glorify the life of the teen mother, but considering one of them is pregnant again and one of them had a friend that was so inspired she wanted one too; it’s hard to wonder if it “accidentally” glorifies that life.

Even worse than that, we realize that there are still a lot of societal challenges these teen moms have to struggle with. On one hand, we have these teen moms on television making money for being teen moms and possibly inadvertently glorifying it a little but on the other, in the real world teen moms struggle with discrimination. I have a lot of difficulty with this, I can’t understand a society where they glorify something but tell you it’s completely wrong. At least when you watch a hoarders show, you don’t sit there going, “hey, living in a place where I need to climb a mountain of junk to get to my room is fantastic”. You sit there and go, “what’s wrong with those people?”

I was a mom at 18, and I still to this day remember dirty looks I got at the grocery store, or how I was treated by doctors that weren’t my son’s normal doctors. I remember how I was treated in the hospital when he was born, and that still sticks with me today as a 28-year-old woman with another on the way. I remember having to lie just to get him christened. Most of all, I remembered losing a good job opportunity as a result, and ended up picking up slack where I could making it so I worked from sunrise to well after sun down. The life of a single mom is the most demanding thing a person can do; when you’re a teen single mom, you have a lot more to deal with.

The point of this was simple, a friend mentioned on her Facebook that her niece was denied entry into the Colleen Contest on the grounds she was a teen mother. I think it’s incredibly distressing to me that with everything I’ve stated before about the society we live in, that such an outdated rule exists. In fact, I think they should be honored to have her because she sounds fantastic and anyone who does what she does and raises a kid too should be given a medal. In fact, all moms deserve a medal for the things they need to deal with daily. I hope the contest changes their mind, because as an Irish-woman, I’d be honored to have her represent me.

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Awards!

Yesterday was my birthday, and what a present to have Peter Dinklage win a well deserve Golden Globe. I enjoy watching an awards show when the underdog wins it. Plus, being a huge fan of the book and television series, I couldn’t be happier. Maybe next year Emilia Clarke will get at least a nomination, Team Dany anyone?

It wouldn’t be a very good award centered post though, without acknowledging a rare person who deserves an award: my lovely husband. Generally it seems I spend more time laughing it up about how silly he is sometimes, but the truth of the matter is he’s a rare person for our generation. I think he was born in the wrong era, but I appreciate that fact more every day. I don’t know very many, if any people, in my generation that feels strongly about certain traditions. I mock his love of traditions, but he sticks to them and I can’t wait to see if those ideals rub off on our children.

Before proposing to me, he did something that I didn’t think people even did anymore: he asked my father’s permission. This same situation occurred when we discovered we were expecting, it was him who needed to announce it. In defense of my laughing at him, he stated “that’s what men are supposed to do.” Supposed to take claim of me, I asked? “No, show respect for her family because that’s how she knows that he respects her.” He stands by this affirmation, and I find it incredibly endearing, though I admit that until now I found it outdated. You learn to appreciate chivalry once you’ve finally met someone practices it. Unfortunately for our future daughter if we’re lucky enough, he’ll probably expect that from her future husband. That is of course, assuming he doesn’t scare off any potential suitor with a gun.

As a result of this, I feel he’s one of the few “men” of our age group. Marriage and conceiving children doesn’t need a “man” to do it, a man is the one who stands up and does what he needs to do. That’s why I think my husband should win an award for “Outstanding Man of the Year, under 30”. Did I mention he acts like this and he’s only 26? Yeah, I know I’m impressed too. That’s why I married him.

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I Should Feel More Shocked

I’ve realized in a short time that reading certain things on the news doesn’t shock me. A politician involved in a cheating/stealing/conning scandal? Racism and Homophobia still exist? I don’t think I’m the only one who can read the news and read appalling news articles without batting an eye; we’ve become desensitized to a lot of horrible activities.

Often times when I’m at a loss of what to write about, I read around the news articles to find something that seems worth it. Some days this takes forever, and I end up picking up inspiration elsewhere. Today, it took me all of 4 minutes to discover something so revolting it needed to be mentioned. Sadly, reading more into it I was angrier than I had been in a while. Most importantly, I felt angry that I wasn’t more shocked that something like this occurred. A part of my short story collection is a piece about bullying and I assure you this will find its way in there.

Bullying occurred all the time growing up. I was bullied; I’m pretty sure everyone I know experienced some form of it. Things were different then, it wasn’t as malicious as it is today. I’m not entirely sure if that’s a result of social networking and easy access to media or if it’s a result of our culture just being crueller than it used to be. I’m leaning towards a combination of the two, but that doesn’t matter at all. Locally two younger teenagers received attention for committing suicide, a girl even made national news for her death and both blamed on bullying. That’s disgusting enough, but I promise the story I read even surpasses that in how awful our society has become.

Right on my Yahoo! Page, I see a story of a girl who was taunted and died. I blindly went into it and discovered that this girl my son’s age died of Huntington’s disease, which was sad enough for me. Reading further, I saw that her neighbor was bullying her and doing horribly cruel things. Disgusting right? Then I saw the kicked and I saw how awful this story would really become: The neighbor responsible for this was an adult, a mom. I regret to use the word adult for this, that person was just an overgrown teenage bully. I read in horror that she made pictures of the girl with skulls and crossbones, her and her mother (who died of the same disease a few years earlier) as a grim reaper holding a baby all on the social media. As if that wasn’t appalling enough, she would drive a truck around the neighborhood with a coffin attached to it. As if I didn’t lack enough hope in humanity, I read this.

I couldn’t say I wouldn’t sink low enough to hunt down someone who would do the same to my child and physically harm them. I think that’s a natural instinct any parent has. It pains me to see how her children will grow up; she did more than just emotionally assault a dying girl. She potentially is raising her children to be vicious and heartless bullies too. This is why the bullying cycle starts.

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Social Example in the Flaws of Voting

I’ll start this by pointing out since I couldn’t do my usual Monday, Wednesday, and Friday routine, I’m going for a Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday one.  It happens to work out well though, since the People’s Choice Awards was yesterday and inspired me. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a good inspiration.

First I’d like to state that I’m a Glee fan, so this isn’t about whether they should’ve won any awards. I don’t really view Glee as a real comedy, when I think of real comedy shows on TV I think about Big Bang Theory, 2 Broke Girls, and Suburgatory. So when I witness Lea Michele (who I love, really I do) beating say, Kaley Cuoco for Best Comedic Actress, I was shocked. I let it slide, it can’t be that bad. Then I realized that I must’ve been watching the Teen Choice Awards, part 1, because those were the people who seemed to be voting. Really, Pretty Little Liars beating Game of Thrones? I died a lot on the inside over this.

Then it made me think about elections and politics, and this awards show epitomizes everything I hate about the electoral process. You don’t need to actually know anything to vote. You could just show up and pick any name and go with it. You could pick a candidate and not know anything about him, but you just kind of like how he looks or because that’s what your friend is voting for. I’d be perfectly happy if I had to take a test of basic knowledge to vote, I think it’s something to be considered. At this rate, Taylor Lautner will end up president because our culture is “Team Whateverfadexists”. If you’re wondering why I chose him and not that guy who plays Edwards, you really should do us a favor and stay away from the polls.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh, considering making people take a test to vote for their president because I lost hope in people’s decision making skills after watching the People’s Choice Awards. Maybe I should just suggest we do a questionnaire and they pick a president for us based on our ideals and choices. That’s more up the tech savvy laziness we’ve grown accustomed to. It’s a lot more fun than Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Mo.

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The Joys of Sickness and Feeling Fat

Sure, that title could easily describe me these days but I’m not the sick one I’m referring to. My darling husband, who is never sick, ends up with a nasty infection leaving him to stay in bed for 5 days of misery. He’s recovered nicely, and now I can get back to writing here. Yes, the flu is minor to him, he needed something more. It rattled him enough to want to get a flu shot next year, so I guess in retrospect I won.

During his sickness, it was either out of concern of me catching his illness or the fact that I’m in refusal of leaving the house, I was forced out with my lovely friend to attend a Jack and Jill. At first, no big deal it could be fun right? Only nothing fits me, nothing except this one pair of maternity pants that I had to buy for the fact that nothing fit me, and an ill-fitting shirt that made me look more fat than pregnant. I realized that in that moment of feeling disgust, that next time I hear a skinny non-pregnant person refer to herself as “fat”, I can’t guarantee I won’t punch her in the face. You don’t know the meaning of “feeling fat” until you’re pregnant. And I’m only 2 months in, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to last 9 months.

It was good to show up at the Jack and Jill though, it was like a mini middle/high school reunion. I remembered a few things though. Firstly, I remembered I hated high school. Secondly, I remembered I hated social events. I think I spent more time making fun of the band and how awful they were than I did actually doing anything else. In my defense though, I could play better music and I don’t know how to play an instrument. I hope that proves to you just how awful they were. Another sign? A band that plays… sorry, pretends to play rock music should not play a Lady GaGa song. It never ends well.

The moral of the story is the lesson I learned is that I shouldn’t leave the house under normal circumstances; I’m a bitter and sarcastic person with a distaste for other people. Being pregnant and not in the “glowing happy stages” of it, I probably should stay home because I’m a lot worse.

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That’s a Bandwagon Worth Hopping On

SOPA SOPA SOPA. This bill seems like something that is being quietly pushed through while many people are focusing on the upcoming elections. I understand the fact I’ll get those arguments of “well the Democrats pushed through the healthcare law the same way”. That’s ok, because I live in Massachusetts, we have it here already. My only argument really to fight those people is that “well you didn’t want the government to have too much power over you then, why do you allow it now”. The main difference is the amount of money they can probably pocket from the movie and recording industry in passing SOPA. Yay corrupt politics.

I don’t like the idea that this bill could hypothetically start a dictatorship-esque control over our internet content. I especially don’t like this idea as someone who writes my content, with the fear that I write one thing someone doesn’t like and I could get in legal trouble. This is mostly because it’s quite likely I have and will continue to post things that people don’t like. I’m sure if they really wanted to stop piracy as they claim they do, they can figure out a less Nazi like approach.

It makes my head spin, it really does. I’m starting to wonder what people are thinking. They preach in one breath on the podium how the government is getting too much power over us, but we can’t allow things like gay marriage or abortion. So, the government can control what we do with our bodies, but giving us healthcare to help people is bad? What about government control law enforcement and safety? Why do you want to control the internet if you have too much power over us? I think these are fair questions that the politicians really should be answering, instead of spending 80% of their time attacking their opponents.

We need to see how much control the people really have. We elect these politicians and they do whatever they want. Here are 2 petitions you can push through if you haven’t to help a cause and see how much say we really have. https://action.eff.org/o/9042/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=8173 and the Official White House site has one you can get access to by clicking on the open petitions link.

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It’s a New Year

As the New Year’s countdown began, I could only think of one thing: why did Justin Bieber feel the need to ruin “Let it Be”? Even seeing the great Carlos Santana couldn’t save my horror and the feeling that the upcoming year was something that I should run from. Alright, I’m kidding… mostly. It was a disaster, but New Years is something more exciting than watching a teen idol ruin a classic. It’s really going to be exciting, I hope. So here’s my run down for the upcoming year.

1)      The year of the babies. I don’t just mean my up and coming fetus, but everyone and their sisters seem to be pregnant. My own sister included, (I don’t like using “in-law”, she’s my sister) with her child only due a few weeks ahead of mine as the count goes now. Exciting, they can practically be siblings. This is probably the biggest excitement of the year, becoming a mother and aunt again.

2)      Did I finally finish a book? Well book might be overstating it, at only 15,000 words it’s a mini-book at best. Hopefully in the coming weeks it’ll be up on Amazon EBook and I can finally say I finished it. This definitely ranks #2 on my list, which would’ve been my biggest accomplishment if my planned surprise didn’t surprise me first. Either way, that will hopefully not be a complete embarrassment and I can rest assured I followed my dreams anyways. Slowly crawling behind that, my short story collection will be up later this year finally, as I started work on that long before my precious novella. Don’t worry, when it’s listed for sale, everyone will hear about it.

3)      Anything else that comes my way. I appreciate surprises, like when I heard the Taylor Swift song for The Hunger Games movie. I suppose I’m still trying to adjust to my love of not just a country song, but one she sang. The best part of a new year is that you really don’t know what’s coming, and I’ll quote internet meme “Come at me, bro” to show my feelings for it.

I don’t believe in resolutions. I hate broken promises, and let’s face it, that’s all resolutions really ever become. I do believe in starting the year off with an open mind and an acceptance that this year might not be better than the last, hell it could be a lot worse than last year, but that it’s another year you’re alive to experience things. So Happy New Years readers, I hope the best for you.