The Act of Bereavement

Once my husband did his usual psychoanalysis of me, which if you ever met me you’d know this could be a feat to figure out just one thing wrong with my mental state. In this analysis of me, he said the lines “you don’t grieve; you just try to take the strong road. Some day you’re going to have to.” That’s a loaded statement, especially for car ride talk. I considered what he said years ago and today I sit here and I’m reminded of it again.

I could argue people grieve in their own way at their own pace, that’s true. I think about it though, and I don’t remember ever going through that famous 5 stage process of grief. It’s almost like telling a brick wall someone they cared about just passed. I never analyzed myself to consider why. Do I just lack a bond with people so when I hear someone just died, I don’t react at all? That can’t be right; I have remotely normal relationships with people.

Maybe, growing up acknowledging that death existed and no one was immune from it from a young age made me less shocked about it. I could argue that maybe at some point, I became so desensitized that I miss out on the “shock factor” of hearing those words. Or to make myself feel better, maybe since most of the death I’ve experienced in life were never unexpected, that I was able to slowly prepare myself so when it happened I wouldn’t be as upset.

The real moral of the story here is people deal with tragedies in their own way, even if that way may seem incredibly screwed up to you. Doesn’t mean that they are heartless, soulless people, it just means that some people cry and some people joke around. Anyone going through the process needs their own time and hopefully are lucky enough to have people to love and support them while they grieve, even if it doesn’t seem like they’re going through the process like people think they should.

One thought on “The Act of Bereavement

  1. Sam says:

    Since I’m a nurse, and deal with death…this applies to me. And, I’m with you that I’m not really phased when people pass away. People I’ve taken care of for a long time that I really do like or family….because they are old, and at some point it’s expected that they’ll die. Even better if they die comfortably. I can’t say I’ve gone through the five stages of grief, and I don’t even think I would for my parents when the time came. But I think if it were someone like a child passing away….I think that would cause a lot of pain and grieving. I like to think we’re more rational people, and so don’t over react or am overly emotional about death.

    I don’t think you lack emotion or lack the ability to develop bonds with people. I’ll always remember seeing you bawling your eyes out at middle school graduation. I remember thinking, “Is this suppose to be an emotional time in my life….why is this she crying…but uh, ok I guess we’ll hug it out” LoL. So I guess you just be more emotional than me.


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