Category Archives: Writing

by

Dylanisms: Religion

As I learned from the first post about Dylanisms (see: www.bluishoblivion.com ), people like to hear funny “kids say the darndest things” stories. It’s true, children are a wealth of source of hilarious commentary. My life would be very boring if I didn’t have him. I laugh because he’s an adult in a miniature child’s body. As a fourth grader, he still gets mistaken as a kindergartener. He has learned to take this in stride and make up for his size by having a very large personality. And Dylan is nothing if not full of personality.

We’ve been watching The Bible, not because we’re a particularly religious family but as a family that enjoys “historical” miniseries. I use “historical” very very loosely here, because as I said we’re not a particularly religious family. Dylan opted to watch because Dylan  likes anything that most children don’t. Maybe he took an interest because of what he learns at CCD I thought. No, he just liked watching Samson “Hulk Smash” things.

This led my husband to start asking basic questions about religion, which Dylan couldn’t answer. My husband looked at me and said “well that’s $25 well spent. What do we send them there to learn if he doesn’t learn anything.” I laughed, and told him I sent him there because I had to, he has to. My husband glared at me, but realized there was no point in arguing. Eventually Bethlehem came up and I was hoping this would be our redeeming moment. Here’s what happened:

Me: “So who was born in Bethlehem?”

Dylan: “Um… I don’t know. Who?”

My husband chuckled and glared at me again. Me: “Seriously? Think Christmas”

Dylan: “Ooo I know this. Santa!”

My husband and I crack up laughing. Me: “I see your point about our wasted money”

Well if nothing else, I pay $25 a year for my son to be babysat for an hour a week. Moral of the story: For the price of cable and watching The Bible, I could save money from sending him to Catechism classes. One could state that God is sending our house a message, because this morning Dylan woke up with a bad cough, stuffy nose, and a fever. Well played.

by

And We Lived!

Six months ago today, I remember my husband rushing to get the trash bucket because rather than feeling an extreme amount of pain, I felt nothing but nauseous. It seemed no sooner than when I was done vomiting, a baby appeared magically. That’s not exactly how it worked, but I’m sure that graphically tamed edition is much less graphic than the actual encounter. I didn’t yell at my husband for convincing me this was a good idea, I probably would’ve considered it if I wasn’t so tired and he didn’t look so sick after watching the whole thing go down.

We lived a whole half a year. Now my husband is in familiar territory because when we first met what seemed like ages ago, my elder son was six months old. Now we’ve got this, and the fun can really begin. And by “the fun can really begin”, I really mean “we get to run around the house saying ‘Georgie, NO!” Then it looks like a tornado ran through the house: toys over every inch of the living room carpet, dog food tossed on the floor with the dog bowls thrown across the kitchen. Luckily the stairs are already blocked off because of our rambunctious little puppies. He enjoys sitting on the kitchen floor, smacking the metal dog bowls against the ground making music. He especially enjoys this while I make his food, looking at me for samples of whatever I blended up for him. I always do, it’s like watching a kid take the mixer attachment while licking brownie or cookie batter off of it.

The best, and the new ability that makes me the most nervous, is his “walking”. He loves that he learned that if he holds onto things to walk, he moves faster than when he crawls. What he doesn’t love is that when he lets go to try to go solo, he falls on nice pleasantly padded behind. But like I said before, at least he’s getting good at falling. I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep while he’s playing and wake up to him toddling about the house while I yell that he’s too young and too small to be doing it. My husband doesn’t, he laughs and says “that’s my boy” while telling anyone who’ll listen that his boy is too smart for his own good. It’s true; both the boys are too smart for their own good. I know that I need to savor every moment of this, because they do grow up so fast. If you blink, they’ll be married with kids of their own.

Six months ago, a perfect addition was added to my family. I can’t believe it’s been this long already, it seems too soon. Every time I hold him to feed him the bottle, I wonder when he got to be so big. Sorry, not big. Tall. He’s a scrawny little guy, but he’s a tall one. (Anyone who knows my husband, does this sound familiar?) Next will be his big one year, where I know the best and worst are still yet to come. Life is short and it moves so fast. And anything can happen in the blink of an eye. It helps to keep everything in perspective though. There’s a lot of bad in the world, but there’s a lot of precious moments in it too. It’s hard to remember this after 4 practically sleepless nights, but you can’t spend the day in bed wishing for things to get better. If you do need to do that, maybe you should consider making things better. If not, then you should enjoy every precious moment you have, because it’s hard to tell when you won’t have them anymore.

by

I’ll Buy You A Corvette, Whatever You Want

A note before this post: Every year I plug the Jimmy Fund Telethon, a great local cause. Today, I am mentioning another cause that is soon going to personally affect me. Baystate Children’s Hospital is the place where my son will be having his surgery and the people I’ve met there are fantastic and make me a little less nervous about his surgery. No matter how routine a surgery, you know in the back of your mind that anything can happen. Check out this page: https://foundation.baystatehealth.org/netcommunity/sslpage.aspx?pid=533 for information on donating.

My little one drives me crazy. My oldest son is a master at this as well. Not all the time, but no mom can say honestly “I’m always 100% on the ball and sane”. We’re not, we do go a little crazy and we do spend an extra 5 minutes on the toilet wanting to cry but really just enjoying the peace. This doesn’t make us bad people, and this is definitely more common in stay at home moms than working moms. Though I remember some days staying in the shower an extra 5 minutes before work just because I could. We’re moms though, a resilient sort of person that is under appreciated and underestimated.

My baby might be popping his second set of teeth, which timing wise makes sense since he was supposed to pop his first set out around 6 months and he was 2 months ahead of that mark. It’s tiring, nothing turns a baby crankier than teething. My baby used to sleep through the night, now I’m lucky if he even sleeps. I say to him, “I’ll buy you a Corvette, a pony, whatever, just don’t cry”. I don’t know why I try to bribe me since a) he doesn’t know what a corvette or pony is and b) he doesn’t know what a bribe is. He eventually does stop crying, mostly to laugh at pulling my hair out for me. He’s not crying all the time, just when he gets on a “Mom, fix my teeth” fit, it lasts a while.

When he’s not crying, he’s learned that he can pull himself up and walk along furniture. He whizzes by and mastered falling on his butt, not his head. I told my husband, “eventually he’ll get tired of falling and learn” and unfortunately he has. Now he’s brave and let’s go like he can walk and lands right on his heavily padded bottom. His laugh is as infectious as his cry, and he smiles at you baring his 2 little bottom teeth that have almost finished growing completely in.

He’s growing too fast, and as he races out of the room or follows me around like my little duckling I realize that every cry is just precious. Life is too short to stress about not sleeping or all the fussy fits babies can have. It might not seem it at 4 a.m. on your third day of no sleep, but it’s a miracle and something we should be grateful for. Many people can’t have kids, many lose theirs too  young. I can’t get mad because when I open my eyes tiredly and I see him standing in the crib looking up over at me with a smile on his face, I smile back. Remember to always smile back, no matter how tired and stressed you are. You’ll feel better.

by

A Little Peevey

We all have those little things that bother us to no end, some more than others. I’m probably in the “some more than others” category. I don’t mean to be so critical, so easily bothered, so “OCD” if you will. I am, and I’m not a patient person though my children have taught me to at least be very patient with them. Over the weekend while at the mall, a person was walking in front of me with his pants hanging down a little off his hips. That’s annoying but I can get over that. However on the side of his sweatpants where his pockets are, his hands were down his pants as if his pockets were in his underwear and his pants were in the way. I ended up nearly leaving my husband and older son behind while I pushed the stroller faster to get past this terrible sight. I didn’t get it, do they make underwear with pockets now? Is it just cool to look absolutely-friggen-ridiculous  while out in public? Is underwear the real fashion statement that needed to be made but pesky rules requiring pants get in the way? All the words of mockery filled my head while my hands were shaking while I was biting my tongue. My health required that I passed him.

This made me think of all the things that really really just get my brain in “bite your tongue” mode. I figured I would share some of this list, and I’m very interested in what everyone else has to say.

1) We’re humans, not cows. I love cows. I think they are adorable, I really do. They’re kind of like kids, adorable no matter how bad they smell. But when they smell, you want to run far far away and admire from afar. What I don’t love is the sound of food being chewed in my ear. This is one of those things you have to deal with though, no matter how much it disgusts you or makes you want to claw out your eardrums.

2) Did you look in the mirror before leaving the house? Yes, this one is probably where my friend from the mall probably comes in. Wearing that flat brimmed hat, sweatpants that look like you could fit 3 people in while your underwear proudly stands out. It’s trashy when women flash their thongs, and it’s just as awful when men flash whatever they choose to wear. Especially considering most men can’t do their own laundry. (Trashy and gross?) It’s more than that. It’s People of Wal-Mart style attire. It’s when you’re wearing jeans and those toe shoes or when you’re morbidly obese and thing a sports bra and spandex is a fantastic wardrobe choice. I’m not fashion maven, but it makes me die on the inside almost as much as I’d die on the outside if I didn’t keep my mouth shut.

3) You’ve got a little something there. That stray hair on your shirt, that food in your flavor saver? Oh and that stuff on your teeth? I stare at it, and can’t concentrate on anything else. Really, if I’m staring intently at you, it’s probably more this than interest in what you’re saying. (Though don’t discount my interest, if I’m paying attention to you then it’s good. I can’t fake interest.) This isn’t your fault, this is mine. I fixate on things that are out of place. I still count it as a peeve though, since I get obsessive and unable to focus on anything else because it honestly does consume me.

That is my Top 3 “Peeve” list. I’m admittedly very neurotic, and I think I’ve easily proven that and that there’s a fine line they make me toe of “being a bitch”. I’d also like to brag that I’m getting better at typing with an infant on my lap, even though it makes typing much slower. I’d also like to remind readers I have a short story-esque released on the Kindle store for $0.99 and the link is on the sidebar. (Shameless self promotion.)

by

Two Dogs and Three Kids

After coming up with the title, I realized that I’ll probably need to clarify: the third kid is not me expecting, it’s me counting my husband as a child. Sometimes I loving refer to him as my third child, as I’m sure a lot of wives also are guilty of. In my case it isn’t because I think my husband is juvenile or immature, in fact he’s basically the opposite of either scenario. He’s a great father because he’s able to tap into the minds of the boys and entertain them a lot better than I can. He knows what it’s like to be a child. I never really enjoyed cartoons or Disney movies. I liked books, art, and writing. I suppose not much has changed.

The long weekend started on around Thursday, when the baby decided to be incredibly fussy and tired. (Image borrowed from funnyasduck,net) Last time we played this lovely game of “how can I make you happy today?”, I ended up with a painful surprise of his first set of teeth. Our assumption is that we’re ready for round 2 of “To Teethe or Not To Teethe”. I was just getting used to my angel getting back to a proper sleeping schedule. Now, I get evil glares from over the crib saying “excuse me, I would like you to pay attention to me now” at all hours of the night. And when there isn’t that, I get kept up because he has his father’s and brother’s skill of “sleep talking”. And he’s loud. I want to be mad and tired and cranky, but he smiles his “two teeth” smile at me, and I can’t do anything but laugh. I also pretend to be awake the rest of the day, but if I keep one eye open I don’t doze off.

Then there are the sick puppies. Doggy number one comes down with mystery illness also on Friday, giving a fun weekend of “where is he going to get sick on now?” It was a thrilling game that I luckily didn’t have to play too much of, which was great because did I mention there might be a teething baby? He eats everything so we just assumed that he ate something that upset his stomach and he’ll work through it. Until doggy number two ended up sick as well this morning. Oh yes, always on my toes.

Then there is my husband. Let’s be honest: men are babies when they are sick. They whine, they whine some more, then they fall asleep. It’s ok though, at least in my case, I know he returns the favor. And by favor I mean ordering me to bed making me trust he’ll take care of everything. He does, in his sweet way of serving me tea and helping me feel better. He also makes sure the oldest son is kept in Slim Jims and Salt & Vinegar chips with a side of pepperoncinis, while they stay up late watching cartoons. Oh I love my boys.

Mothers thrive on this adrenaline of not sleeping. We want to sleep, but we keep going and we have the ability to not complain too much about it. The family is worth every sleepless night and every article of your clothing that ends up in the wash or trash due to something incredibly gross getting on it. We might end up with God knows what in our hair at the end of the day with a sick family and we can honestly say we’re too tired to care. (I admit it.) But like everything else in life, you have to just take the bad with the good. Because the good is worth every second of the bad.

by

Oh Pregnancy, Where Did You Go?

I was posed a question on a website the other day: what do you miss most about being pregnant? I laughed for a moment, and wondered what someone could possibly miss about being pregnant. You’re fat. You can’t see you’re own feet, which is shocking with how much they seem to swell up. Every muscle in your body feels like they want to fail you. You have pimples and skin tags and sweat a lot. The only relief to any of this is to a) get half your body numbed while you pop out a baby that seems way too big to come out; b) get half your body numbed while they cut you open right in front of your eyes; or c) refuse medicine for whatever reason and squeeze out something that seems 100lbs and 7 ft. tall. What could you possibly miss about any of that?

I took the question seriously though, there must’ve been something. My husband is always amazing so it’s not that the pregnancy transformed a moderate guy into an angel. In fact, it turned my husband into a completely nervous version of himself that jumped at every “ouch” or clung onto me as if every step I was going to take was going to make me fall. It wasn’t that I got to buy a whole new wardrobe, I got a few things to survive but I hate shopping so there was no enjoyment in any of this. Then it hit me, and I decided to make a list of what I miss about being pregnant.

1) You’re not fat, you’re pregnant. With every pound that was gained, I felt it. Obviously it was completely mental, I couldn’t physically feel every pound that I gained. I was fat, in my mind. I was huge. Well the being huge wasn’t in my head, I really was pretty big. But I wasn’t fat. Every time the words “I’m fat” came out of my mouth, 10 people would point out that you’re not fat, you’re giving another human being life. Pregnant does not equal fat. It’s all a sham, you really are fat when you gain that much weight. But it felt really good to pretend that it really was just being pregnant. That isn’t a license to eat whatever you want though, that’s really terrible for you.

2) Sure, You can carry that. You always have no faith in people. There’s not a nice one in the bunch… or is there? People are surprisingly nice when they see that lovely baby bump. I’m not sure if it’s because a pregnant woman brings out the kindness in people, or they’re just afraid of the wrath of a pregnant woman’s hormones. Either way, I won’t complain about people giving up their seat for me or helping carry bags to the car because my husband’s arms are full and I obviously can’t help because pregnancy does equal “inability to do anything”. (Sarcasm.)

3) Cravings? The final positive is cravings. Some people believe cravings are a myth, I don’t. But I definitely know cravings aren’t only felt by pregnant women. My biggest cravings were Chipotle’s Chicken Tacos (with extra cheese and spicy salsa), Panera Caesar Salad, and fruit salad (Strawberries, Watermelon, and pineapple, to be exact). What’s great about that is those are foods I constantly want when I’m not pregnant, just when you’re pregnant you just get them to appear in front of you with little effort if any at all. What’s better is my husband definitely used my pregnancy as an excuse for his cravings. “She wanted fruit, and I figured I’d get some beef jerk, salt and vinegar chips with pepperoncinis, and chocolate since I was at the store anyways”. I was a scapegoat, but this one definitely benefited us both. Though, now I really want Chipotles…

It doesn’t feel like it when you’re fat and it’s the middle of summer, but there are some positives that you need to find. Otherwise, you’re going to go crazy and sometimes you need more than the imagined version of that child inside of you. They cry all the time, they poop and pee all over you, and you never get a good night’s sleep. If you focus on the negatives all the time during pregnancy and that first year, you won’t make it out with your sanity intact.

by

I’d Like to Thank the Academy…

I admit it, I watched the Oscars last night. Albeit on DVR so I could fast forward through everything but Seth MacFarlane and the few categories I cared to see. (And as much as I love Jennifer Lawrence, that fall needed to be seen.) The benefit is when MacFarlane stops being funny, as he often can, you can just skip him. DVR is great, it really is great. I enjoyed it though, as much as one can enjoy one of those things.

Like everything else, politics end up the main discussion of the event. Rather than Jennifer Lawrence’s fall or Seth MacFarlane’s hosting job, all I hear is how Zero Dark Thirty lost as part of a grand conspiracy against Republicans to solidify the “Evil Liberals” as the most powerful people in the world. I’ll have to see the movies, but I’ve heard from people I know that love movies that Argo just was more entertaining. Maybe I’m a dumb Liberal, but I want to see movies that entertain me. I must be naïve to think that there’s a reason it’s called “the entertainment industry”. Silly me.

I don’t like it when a celebrity tries to tell me who to vote for. I want the to entertain me, not boss me around in the field of politics. They should be separated, and I’m tired of people not separating certain things from politics. I don’t choose to watch a movie because a Democrat wrote it/directed/starred in it (though they tell me odds are there are more in Hollywood than Republicans), nor would I refuse to watch one because a Republican does. Why? Because I’m a free thinking adult that just likes to see movies and television shows that entertain me.

There’s too much focus on politics where there shouldn’t be. I said this at election time and it’s still true today: just because someone doesn’t agree politically with you, doesn’t mean they are bad people. Life would be boring if we were all the same. Not every thing is a grand conspiracy to brainwash the masses, though the jury is still out on that topic in terms of all news organizations. Entertainment is entertainment. If Paul Ryan can like Rage Against the Machine, I think Liberals can like Zero Dark Thirty.

by

Discriminatory: The One Way Street

dis·crim·i·na·to·ryadjective /disˈkrimənəˌtôrē/1. Making or showing an unfair or prejudicial distinction between different categories of people or things, esp. on the grounds of race, age, or sex.

prej·u·dicenoun /ˈprejədəs/
prejudices, plural

  • Preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience
    • – English prejudice against foreigners
    • – anti-Jewish prejudices
  • Dislike, hostility, or unjust behavior formed on such a basis
    • – accusations of racial prejudice
  • Harm or injury that results or may result from some action or judgment
    • – prejudice resulting from delay in the institution of the proceedings
I figured prior to my post, I would give the definition of “discriminatory” to help this along. Please refer back to this if you have any questions about the word or feel free to also Google it for definitions if that would make you feel better. I don’t necessarily care if you agree with the point of view, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed. This is more of a discussion of a topic than a “that’s morally reprehensible” argumentative piece. Also, I figured giving the definition of “prejudice” would also help us move along here. Also, http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/02/22/pentagon-push-to-extend-benefits-to-same-sex-couples-stirs-debate/ to give background to my post.
An uproar seemed to have occurred when the discussion to allow domestic same-sex couples to have the same benefits as married couples, despite unmarried straight couples not having this right. Some groups have called this “discriminatory”, why should gay couples have this but not straight ones? It’s 100% wrong to allow one group of people something and not others, I absolutely agree. One group shouldn’t be given preferential treatment over another, otherwise that is discriminatory. This is a fact, I can’t deny facts.
Also a fact: Most states do not allow same-sex marriage. (I hope my prior paragraph didn’t scare anyone away and set me up for hate mail.)  This is also discriminatory, since not allowing one group the same rights as another. Then does that make the previous argument null and void, since they said it wasn’t right because that act was “discriminatory” and it should be equal for everyone? Interesting how the argument turns when you see it from the other side. So, what makes one “discriminatory” and the other not. Hint: they are both discriminatory.
Though I do offer an interesting point: most states don’t allow gay marriage. I know, I used that point as a starter to the last paragraph. I use it as a different argument here. Straight couples have the right to choose to get married or not, where gay couples don’t. So why shouldn’t a domestic partnership of a gay couple of 10 years get the same benefits as a married couple for the same? It isn’t a discussion of morals, it’s one of logic. You can’t ignore this part of the argument as if by pretending gay people don’t exist they will go away. It doesn’t work quite like that, unless you’re at the cognitive level of a toddler who believes “out of sight, out of mind”.
This isn’t an argument of whether gay marriage should be legalized or not, even though I definitely believe it should be. The argument is about if it’s discriminatory to allow domestic partners that are gay the same benefits as married couples but not allow it for domestic straight couples. I don’t think it’s really fair to say, since the playing field isn’t level. If both groups were allowed to get married, then yes it would absolutely be discriminatory to allow one the benefits and not the other. However, straight couples choose not to get married and gay couples often don’t get that choice but still want to commit themselves entirely to their partner as a straight married couple would. In which case, the fact that one group of people is allowed marriage while another isn’t is truly what’s discriminatory here. You can decide.
by

To Dote Like A Pro

My five month old has 2 teeth, sleeps a full adult night of sleep, sits up all by himself, and crawls like he’s been doing it forever. He’s a boss, or that’s what my oldest son calls him. It’s true, he is a champ. I’m fortunate I got to see his first crawl and tape his second for everyone to see, I missed all my oldest son’s firsts. Over the weekend, my son received his first “hair cut” from my husband. It was sad to see that he’s growing way too fast. It’s very exciting to watch though.

I thought previously that watching their children hit milestones were something only really mothers concerned themselves with. That was until I met my husband. He doted on my first son as if he were his own blood child every time he hit a milestone. (Fun fact: his first word was ‘Dada’ aimed towards him.) Now with the baby, I see the same excitement and glow in his eyes. He was meant for this, he really was. When he first saw the video of the baby crawling, he bragged to everyone who would listen. “Yeah I know they aren’t supposed to be doing it until their 6-8 months, you try to tell him that” I would over hear him say. He still brings the same enthusiasm to our oldest. “Top reading in his class, student council and he’s a star short-stop and second basemen”. He dotes like a pro.

I wonder every time I hear someone say “he’s such a doting dad”. What does that really mean? Is it one of those sarcastic comments meant to demean him or is it a compliment? He wears it like a badge of honor either way. He’s protective and wants to spend every second watching the boys grow. A friend of his would call and say “come hang out and have a boys night”, and though I tried to encourage him to have a night out, he chose us. He would always say, “they grow too fast, and we have to enjoy them while they still like us”. It’s true, at least I think so. I watch our 10-year-old already hate hugs and kisses in public, and show that preteen sass that makes you want to ground them until they are 18.

Our kids grow fast, I think any parent of any age can agree. At some point we just have to hope we did the best with them and that they down turn out to be jerks. If they make it out of the teens with only threatening their lives a few times, you probably didn’t do that bad of a job. Just enjoy the moment, because soon you’ll close your eyes and have little toddler grandchildren running around the house. Good news about grandchildren though, you can spoil them and leave the hard stuff to your kids.

by

And Tomorrow There Will Be Flowers and Candy and Cards!

This week has a theme: love. Well, I mean relationships in general I suppose. After all, Valentine’s Day requires special consideration. With all the loving mushiness all day long, how could I not let the opportunity pass to mock celebrate such an incredible tradition. I would be doing everyone a disservice letting it pass. Since tomorrow is the big day, I shall dedicate this post to the best time of year: Valentine’s Day. Some parts may need parental guidance for crude language.

Every year, no fail, I make at least 2 jokes about Valentine’s Day being abbreviated to “V-Day”. Both are obviously obscene ways to go with this. One, the “V-Day” stands for “Venereal Day”, because every year someone comes back with a gift that keeps on giving. The other one is to point out the “V” may stand for the fact that mostly only women give a care about this holiday. Why else are the colors mostly pink? Or I suppose a joke about the color red also fits here. Again, I reiterate that I did warn you this would be a little crude. I say them every year because, while as funny as I find it, it seems that it’s true. Last year according to some statistics I read, 11,000 babies were conceived on Valentine’s Day. I’m not brave enough to actually find out how many diseases were actually contracted as well, but I’m sure that number is also up there.

I know, I sound like a bitter person for this. I’m not lonely, in fact I’m very happy in my relationship. One reason we’re so happy is that we don’t need one annual day to show that we care for each other. If you rely on that, your relationship is probably in worse shape than you think. My husband is smart about it, though I don’t particularly care about gifts anyways, and sticks to things like videogames or books or dinner. Flowers are a waste; you spend $50 on flowers that last a week if you’re lucky and I hate chocolate. I tried to find a card to show that I have some sort of romance. The truth is, I don’t and I left empty-handed. I couldn’t stomach the sappy “I love you always” cards, and apparently they don’t make “I love you even when you fart in bed and stink up the room” cards.

My real point is: don’t rely on Valentine’s Day to show you care and if you do, don’t go crazy. You don’t want to raise expectation bars you’re not willing to exceed every year. Sure that $3,000 diamond necklace sounds good today, but 10 years down the line you’re forking over a BMW. The great women want a thought, and the ones that want an expensive showy gift should be the ones you break up with before Valentine’s Day so you don’t have to buy her a gift. I’ll probably get a card from my boys and big loving hugs, and that’s perfectly OK with me. I don’t need anything but to spend the day with them anyways.