Oh Pregnancy, Where Did You Go?

I was posed a question on a website the other day: what do you miss most about being pregnant? I laughed for a moment, and wondered what someone could possibly miss about being pregnant. You’re fat. You can’t see you’re own feet, which is shocking with how much they seem to swell up. Every muscle in your body feels like they want to fail you. You have pimples and skin tags and sweat a lot. The only relief to any of this is to a) get half your body numbed while you pop out a baby that seems way too big to come out; b) get half your body numbed while they cut you open right in front of your eyes; or c) refuse medicine for whatever reason and squeeze out something that seems 100lbs and 7 ft. tall. What could you possibly miss about any of that?

I took the question seriously though, there must’ve been something. My husband is always amazing so it’s not that the pregnancy transformed a moderate guy into an angel. In fact, it turned my husband into a completely nervous version of himself that jumped at every “ouch” or clung onto me as if every step I was going to take was going to make me fall. It wasn’t that I got to buy a whole new wardrobe, I got a few things to survive but I hate shopping so there was no enjoyment in any of this. Then it hit me, and I decided to make a list of what I miss about being pregnant.

1) You’re not fat, you’re pregnant. With every pound that was gained, I felt it. Obviously it was completely mental, I couldn’t physically feel every pound that I gained. I was fat, in my mind. I was huge. Well the being huge wasn’t in my head, I really was pretty big. But I wasn’t fat. Every time the words “I’m fat” came out of my mouth, 10 people would point out that you’re not fat, you’re giving another human being life. Pregnant does not equal fat. It’s all a sham, you really are fat when you gain that much weight. But it felt really good to pretend that it really was just being pregnant. That isn’t a license to eat whatever you want though, that’s really terrible for you.

2) Sure, You can carry that. You always have no faith in people. There’s not a nice one in the bunch… or is there? People are surprisingly nice when they see that lovely baby bump. I’m not sure if it’s because a pregnant woman brings out the kindness in people, or they’re just afraid of the wrath of a pregnant woman’s hormones. Either way, I won’t complain about people giving up their seat for me or helping carry bags to the car because my husband’s arms are full and I obviously can’t help because pregnancy does equal “inability to do anything”. (Sarcasm.)

3) Cravings? The final positive is cravings. Some people believe cravings are a myth, I don’t. But I definitely know cravings aren’t only felt by pregnant women. My biggest cravings were Chipotle’s Chicken Tacos (with extra cheese and spicy salsa), Panera Caesar Salad, and fruit salad (Strawberries, Watermelon, and pineapple, to be exact). What’s great about that is those are foods I constantly want when I’m not pregnant, just when you’re pregnant you just get them to appear in front of you with little effort if any at all. What’s better is my husband definitely used my pregnancy as an excuse for his cravings. “She wanted fruit, and I figured I’d get some beef jerk, salt and vinegar chips with pepperoncinis, and chocolate since I was at the store anyways”. I was a scapegoat, but this one definitely benefited us both. Though, now I really want Chipotles…

It doesn’t feel like it when you’re fat and it’s the middle of summer, but there are some positives that you need to find. Otherwise, you’re going to go crazy and sometimes you need more than the imagined version of that child inside of you. They cry all the time, they poop and pee all over you, and you never get a good night’s sleep. If you focus on the negatives all the time during pregnancy and that first year, you won’t make it out with your sanity intact.

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One thought on “Oh Pregnancy, Where Did You Go?

  1. I am one of those freaks of nature who LOVED being pregnant! I miss feeling him wiggle around in my belly, I miss placing my hands protectivly over my stomach and mostly I miss people giving their seats up to me on the subway!!!

    Like

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