This week has a theme: love. Well, I mean relationships in general I suppose. After all, Valentine’s Day requires special consideration. With all the loving mushiness all day long, how could I not let the opportunity pass to mock celebrate such an incredible tradition. I would be doing everyone a disservice letting it pass. Since tomorrow is the big day, I shall dedicate this post to the best time of year: Valentine’s Day. Some parts may need parental guidance for crude language.

Every year, no fail, I make at least 2 jokes about Valentine’s Day being abbreviated to “V-Day”. Both are obviously obscene ways to go with this. One, the “V-Day” stands for “Venereal Day”, because every year someone comes back with a gift that keeps on giving. The other one is to point out the “V” may stand for the fact that mostly only women give a care about this holiday. Why else are the colors mostly pink? Or I suppose a joke about the color red also fits here. Again, I reiterate that I did warn you this would be a little crude. I say them every year because, while as funny as I find it, it seems that it’s true. Last year according to some statistics I read, 11,000 babies were conceived on Valentine’s Day. I’m not brave enough to actually find out how many diseases were actually contracted as well, but I’m sure that number is also up there.

I know, I sound like a bitter person for this. I’m not lonely, in fact I’m very happy in my relationship. One reason we’re so happy is that we don’t need one annual day to show that we care for each other. If you rely on that, your relationship is probably in worse shape than you think. My husband is smart about it, though I don’t particularly care about gifts anyways, and sticks to things like videogames or books or dinner. Flowers are a waste; you spend $50 on flowers that last a week if you’re lucky and I hate chocolate. I tried to find a card to show that I have some sort of romance. The truth is, I don’t and I left empty-handed. I couldn’t stomach the sappy “I love you always” cards, and apparently they don’t make “I love you even when you fart in bed and stink up the room” cards.

My real point is: don’t rely on Valentine’s Day to show you care and if you do, don’t go crazy. You don’t want to raise expectation bars you’re not willing to exceed every year. Sure that $3,000 diamond necklace sounds good today, but 10 years down the line you’re forking over a BMW. The great women want a thought, and the ones that want an expensive showy gift should be the ones you break up with before Valentine’s Day so you don’t have to buy her a gift. I’ll probably get a card from my boys and big loving hugs, and that’s perfectly OK with me. I don’t need anything but to spend the day with them anyways.