With all this talk about Rihanna and Chris Brown, first I wonder “why should I care?” Actually in a way we shouldn’t, it’s not our business what celebrities do nor do I see why it’s news. However, this gets over shadowed by the fact that he beat her up and it played out for the world to see. I understand she’s a horrible role model for girls. Maybe people aren’t as shocked that she ended up with someone who mistreated her, because that’s what we (as in us women) do. Maybe they hoped that this event would bring awareness to the situation as to prevent it from happening, using the young and hip Rihanna as a poster child for their cause.

The sad truth is we’re mostly all guilty of this attraction to the “bad boy” at one time or another. I hate sweeping generalizations as a rule, but this one seems more true than most. When you’re out of the phase when mistreatment is considered OK, you realize that the nice ones are keepers. Maybe it’s a long stretch of unfortunate relationships that really makes you appreciate the nice guys. Then you realize that you were stupid before, and you wonder why you just didn’t go after the good guy after all. The question again: why allow ourselves to be with guys who mistreat us?

I’ve thought about this a while, and I’ve decided there are two reasons why we allow ourselves to go the bad way. One is the obvious tale of low self-esteem. Maybe we just think that low of ourselves that we settle for guys who lie, cheat, and smack us around while telling us how awful we are. We think that it’s acceptable and just deal with it, the guy is probably right anyways and we’re lucky to have them. If he’s able to cheat, that must mean he’s just that desirable and I’m so lucky that when he does come home at night, he comes home to me. I couldn’t help but to sign reading that, realizing how true that train of thought is to some people. And then I wish I could meet them and slap some sense into them.

Then there’s the fixer in us. Maybe the other reason is because we see a guy that needs to be fixed and decide “I can change him into a better person”. You can’t. And you definitely can’t go into a relationship and pretend you’re going to make this guy fall so hard for you that he does a complete 180 in his personality. I always joke that my husband loves me for my imperfections. Does he watch more movies that he wants than I do? Sure he does. Would he rather play videogames than take out the trash? Absolutely. When I’m sick and trying to rough it and take care of the boys, does he say he needs to go out and stay out at all hours leaving me alone and sick with 2 kids? No chance, he sends me to bed and takes charge. That’s what’s important, he’s a rare gentleman of our time. I know that he’s not perfect, but I know that he won’t leave me or cheat on me or ever mistreat me in any way, that’s why I married him. I never once tried to change him. That’s not healthy for either person in the relationship. Sometimes you just have to accept someone is no good and just be strong enough to leave.

That fixer in us is worse for us in the long run. That destroys self-esteem to the ground, and no one but you is left to pick up the pieces. We’re dumb to think that we can really change people; we can’t. People might seem like they change, but down to their fundamental core they stay exactly the same. The decision is do you allow yourself to be beaten down in every sense of that phrase or do we allow ourselves to grow up and stand up for happiness. We all are in that spot at least once in our lives; but not all of us have the emotional strength to walk away.