Monthly Archives: September 2011

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Putting everything back together.

The remodel is done. The house I once knew is now transformed into something I don’t recognize. It’s new, and big and fresh and clean. It’s another reminder that often times things need tearing apart and left in shambles to become something more and something better.

But what does that mean? It means that sometimes you need a little destruction before everything becomes ok. Not ok, more than ok. The kitchen and bathroom were down to its core. They had to bring it to its bones and make it over. That’s what we all have to do sometimes, just take a step back and make something new, no matter how bad it was before. Even when things seem hopeless, restarting your life always seems to answer your problems.

Besides learning that important lesson the phoenix taught us, setting fire to something, brings a new life. Though, there was no fire unless you count the many times things have been burned in that kitchen. We learned another lesson: remodeling is nothing like you see on television. You see a house in shambles, dirty and in need of help. Suddenly (insert HGTV designer here) comes in, and in a half hour to an hour, a new house appears on your screen. The people cry in joy of finally having their dreams come true. They hug, and it ends. Sounds happy right?

However, much like when you watch Baby Story and actually experience your first birth, you realize that television is really fiction and nothing ever occurs like it does on the reality shows. The realities of what actually happens makes me wonder if I’m happy the house is done because it looks millions of times better, or if I’m happy because it’s done and my life is no longer disrupted by this. Knowing what I know now, I would really opt not to ever do it again. Ever.

First, when you redo your only bathroom, you’re making a gigantic mistake. Living out of a Port-a-potty is more disgusting than you can even begin to imagine. Then you have to shower at someone else’s home, which wouldn’t be too bad if you didn’t have to do it for a month and feel like an inconvenience for it. Did I mention the port-a-potty thing and how disgusting it is? It stinks, and it stinks worse when you get two weeks of muggy disaster. Oh and you get that one week in between the two muggy weeks of “freezing your butt off” because you live in Massachusetts and just because you have a muggy week, doesn’t mean the next week won’t require a winter coat for an early morning bathroom break.

Then you have the kitchen. Sure, it sounds fine and easy to adapt to. Just microwave everything, live off deli meats and take out. Of course, it doesn’t work out that easily either. The microwave just shorts a few every ten minutes of usage, taking out half the house with it. And the meals generally ranged from awful to tolerable enough to stomach out of hunger. When you cooked them, you when often times burn them as a result of the microwave blowing a fuse and you forgot how long it was in there before it went out. Best diet ever?

Now I can sit back and enjoy this. By this, I mean I get to pretend to sit back and enjoy it but really I now have to unpack everything and put it back in its place. We’re at the point of putting everything back together in hopes to forget the process and just enjoy the result. And the fact we have a bathroom that’s inside, a shower that’s ours, and a kitchen to cook something that isn’t Tyson or Hormel’s version of “home-style cooking”. We can enjoy our fresh new start.

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Which God is Your God?

They say two topics start the biggest arguments: religion and politics. Since I’ve already posted about my view on politics, it seemed fair to make a post about religion. I’ll warn that it’s going to make you laugh and feel bad while doing it or completely make you look at me like I’m a godless amoral person, which you’ll probably be right on. Instead of thinking too much about how I’ll be looked at afterwards, I’ll just dive right on in.

Anytime someone says to me “What would Jesus do?”  I usually have the same general response:  “Why would I do what Jesus did? He landed himself nailed to a cross to come back as a zombie 3 days later.” This is usually followed by a comment about the zombies he’s created. I wouldn’t label myself an Atheist though; I don’t like the idea of not believing in anything. If I had to, I would cross my beliefs in Agnosticism with a dash of Paganism. I don’t like labels though, so I usually just don’t associate myself with any organized religion. I believe that I’m far more spiritual in thought than I ever will be sticking myself with a “group” I don’t fully believe in. (Sound like my talk on politics?)

I don’t have a problem with organized religion. I don’t feel like people need to go to church and waste 45 minutes to 2 hours of their life listening to an old guy out of touch with his community preaching about morals. If there was a God, I’m certain that he’d have more concern over more important matters than whether you attend a mass every week. In fact, I’m pretty certain if he did exist, he’d have a lot more to care about than most matters that don’t involve harming another person or thing. Likewise, I feel if he did exist, he wouldn’t like the squabbles or wars that have existed or now exist to fight over which God is better. I also don’t think if he existed, he would want people to feel isolated and hated as a result of race, gender, religion, and sexual orientation. I would hope he wouldn’t care; otherwise I don’t think I’d want to believe in him anyways.

I grew up in a Catholic family. I was a good little Irish Catholic that attended my CCD every week, though I complained the entire time doing it. When it came time for my confirmation, I admit I made a mockery of it. In fact, my confirmation name was “Brigid”, the patron saint of Ireland who was also the patron saint of reformed prostitutes and unwed mothers. (I think the joke ended up being on me a year later.) Denis Leary once made a joke that the Catholic religion still stands as a result of spite. “If I had to suffer through it, my kids do too.” Inspired by that statement, my son attends CCD every week as I did, but it’s important to know that I do feel every kid deserves a shot to make up his own mind about personal matters like this.

My problem with religion is the same problem I have with politics. People fight over the main principles. One side is better than the other, though in the case of religion you have probably thousands of religions fighting over who’s right. Wars are fought over this all the time, and acts are terrorism as a result of differing beliefs is all too common. You could say my biggest problem with religion is extremists, but that’s my biggest problem of any kind. Realistically, I know that people will never agree on the “best” God. I don’t think there is a “best” God. I do hope someday, more tolerance will exist across all differences.

I think everyone needs something to believe in. I think if we lack a belief in anything, the world would be full of lonely, miserable people. When tragedy happens, sometimes people need something more. I think as people age, they don’t want to be depressed at the thought that soon they’ll be nothing more than ashes or a corpse decomposing in the ground. I know I’m happy learning about other religions, and realizing at the core, they are all exactly the same: they want people who “do good”. I also know I’ll proudly wear my pentacle tattoo, and I’ll proudly wear my Celtic cross. I don’t think I need to associate with any one religion to be a good person.

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Family, Pt. 2 “Family Duty”

All joking aside from yesterday’s post, the main point I was trying to make was simple: no matter what, your family is yours. Sometimes you want to hit them, or close your eyes and pretend they aren’t there. Even still, you know when it comes down to it, you’ll help your family out anyway you can. That is the point of family.

I learned growing up that whatever happens you help your family out however you can. My father would always say “that’s what family is for. When everyone else seems to turn their backs on you, your family will be there by your side”. Despite normal sibling disputes, if you’re lucky to come from a good family, your siblings will always be there for you. I know that I can count on mine if I need something. Hopefully mine would do the same.

When it boils down to it, I can’t even count how often my parents or brothers have helped me out without judging whatever stupid mistake I’ve done. I can’t count how many times I roll my eyes and wonder what they were thinking, but I still stand by them. The best part about family is that you know that you’ll get an honest lecture about your mistakes, but it won’t be cruel and they’ll do what they can to make sure you make it out ok.

The same goes for your spouse’s family. When you said your vows, you also vowed to take in their family as yours. I love my in-laws as much as my blood. His family was mine, and I will stand by him and his family through whatever needs handling. My husband grew up with the same ideals, when your family needs help, you help them. That’s one main reason I married him. Family is the most important thing.

If nothing else, take away the idea that your family will support you the best they can. It’s always ok as long as you know you have the love and support of your family. No matter how strange or dysfunctional they are, somehow they make it work out well. That’s how it’s supposed work. Pride shouldn’t matter; they’ll help and not judge you or look down on you for it. In the end, you should know that they realize you would do the same for you. That’s the point of family. Even if they are a lovable bunch of crazies.

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Family, pt. 1: “Please Tell me I’m Adopted”

This is a first part in a 2 part blog. This is my comical entry into a more serious one tomorrow. Enjoy.

How many times have you said that statement during a family dinner or any family gathering? Ok, so your family probably isn’t the Cleavers, but maybe on more than one occasion you have almost dreamt of using one on any one of them at any given moment. Perhaps that is a bit extreme, but certainly we an all relate to mocking those picturesque families saying “not in this lifetime”.

For many “normal” families, we relate better to those sitcoms with outrageous families. I know I look at a nephew of mine wondering if he was the real-life Stewie. Yes, I have compared my family to a cartoon, if you met him I assure you that you would feel the same way. Many students on campus probably have the same realization of their families, and appreciate the well deserved vacation living in their dorms as opposed to being at home.

When I first moved out, the near silence killed me. Naturally I refused to call home and admit I missed them, but I’m sure someplace deep inside I did. At least I can comfort myself by saying it anyways. Soon, I realized I would end up back home, and realized that maybe the “missing” I felt was more dread of being a 40-year-old living in my parent’s basement. At least I could look around and remember that I was given a sense of humor for a reason, and that this was just a latest addition to a series of obviously hysterical jokes.

However, how boring is life away from that dysfunction you hate to admit that is your family. Admit it, you miss the 40-year-old brother that moved back home again and left, or the brother that reminds you of Chris Griffin. That lovable bunch of crazies makes you pray that you are in fact adopted, but also makes you feel normal. Besides, we can always take comfort in the fact that there is always a family more bizarre than your own. *gasp* If not, you can always pop on your headset and blast your choice MP3 player and imagine yourself far away or in a really weird dream you are bound to wake up from eventually.

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Legal Robbery?

Like every other day, I check out my bank account to make sure everything is fine. Usually everything ends up fine, but yesterday wasn’t one of those days. Seeing a “-$490” dropped my jaw to the basement. Not the floor, the basement floor. How could this have happened?! My heart raced, oh what happened? Though it scared me, I needed to see what happened. I looked, and realized I shouldn’t be scared; I needed anger. And boy was I livid beyond extreme.

My monthly check I send to Sallie Mae for one of my many student loans was cashed. I’ve heard horror stories about people who set up automatic withdrawals from their bank accounts to their loan companies. So, most bills I pay online but with my student loans I take care that I sign the checks myself. Now, I realize why. They had cashed my $51.62 payment, and somehow between me sending the check and them depositing it, my check became a $516.62 check. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

My first instinct was to call my husband to have him talk to the bank. My second instinct was to call them up and try being calm about being overdrawn as a result of their error. (Note: I did try being calm.) So I speak to a guy, obviously someone not in this country anywhere near the PA office I send my checks dutifully to. He comforted me, assuring me that he would start the process for a refund. A process for you to refund my money? You didn’t need to go through some lengthy process to steal my money, but I need to go through one to get it back? I fail to see the logic of this. If it took you 2 days to screw it up, I shouldn’t need to wait 10-20 days to get it fixed. This wouldn’t do.

Luckily, my bank is amazing. “Would you like to fill out an unauthorized withdrawal to get your money back today?” You bet I would. In fact, that would make me happier than you can imagine today. And with a swift sign of my name, every cent returned to my account. That wasn’t enough for me though, causing me to call the company back. I wouldn’t settle for less than a supervisor. I rescinded my refund with them, making sure I stated that my back was taking my money back from them. I also restated many times that this better not happen again. One can hope it doesn’t.

This led me to visit lovely Google to see if anyone else had this problem. Not surprisingly, thousands of posts on forums about how loan companies constantly screw over the people they lend to. Luckily I can afford my payments, though I’m well aware that paying them monthly doesn’t reduce the payments at all. It’s abhorrent they get away with this. I don’t think anyone likes that they can pay loans their entire life, to not be able to even dent your loan amount. Sorry, not your loan amount, the obscene amount that ends up after you get the loan when they tally up interest. And these are the companies that needed the bail outs.

It’s sickening that I have a $25,000 loan with one company, which really ends up being far more than that as interest. Even worse, I don’t even remember agreeing to a Sallie Mae loan. I feel ripped off. I feel like my money is stolen from me only worse; they can legally do this to me. It’s heartbreaking to see some of these people and their stories. They can’t get a job, and let’s face it, not many can in this economy; but now they have student loans that they can do absolutely nothing about but get harassed. You can’t file for bankruptcy to get rid of them. You really can’t do a thing to make them act less cruel. You can’t really do anything about them. They can just do what they do, and keep doing it because no one will stop them.

In reading all this, I came across this website (http://www.studentloanjustice.org/ ) and read about how they want to make the public aware of this. To me, this is a grassroots organization worth following. I don’t care about paying my loan. I care that they can steal money, and screw up credit without repercussions, even if the person didn’t do anything wrong. I also care that when you want help, all you get are rude people who don’t listen to you. Hell, I would’ve even just taken an apology for them and their $500 screw up.

That’s when it hit me. It’s not just about the idea of being robbed blind helplessly; a lot has to do with the people robbing you. It seems to leave less of a bitter taste in your mouth when the person at least apologizes, and not making you feel like you did something wrong. Maybe if they showed some sort of compassion of how they ruined your day and how maybe they need to be calm instead of rude or snotty sounding. Customers want to know that someone is listening without them having the urge to yell to get heard. Especially if those customers are well aware of the fact that no one will regulate the companies that are essentially scamming them. I would like to see a thief steal stuff from your house, and turn it around on you saying “maybe you shouldn’t have nice things, and I wouldn’t steal them”. The thieves wouldn’t get away with it, why should these loan companies.

I understand, the reason these companies make money is the large amount of interest you have to pay. I understand that any loan has interest on it. I’m not an economy major, but I know the reality. But somehow, car loans stay in business and you don’t look at your bill going “well, I started off with a $20,000 loan and now I end up with a $40,000 one”. And if you can’t pay it? They either repo your car or you file bankruptcy and keep it. You don’t get this option for student loans, and that seems vile to me.

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Conversations

“That’s because she was too busy flirting with you to do it right”, I joked with my husband after his haircut.

“She wasn’t flirting, that’s what they do. They try to talk to you about things.” He looked at me like I was the weirdest person he’d seen. He’s probably right.

“Mine doesn’t bother with idle chit-chat with me.”

“That’s because she knows you.”

At first, a part of me became offended. Not really, but let’s go with that. He’s right though, I don’t do well with “how’s the weather?” conversations. It might for further than simple social awkwardness. If I wanted to know about the weather, I’d watch the Weather Channel or even just look out the window. I understand conversations about family; that makes sense.

“Some people look at misanthropy as a personality defect. I think it just allows more selective friendships.”

“We’re not talking about friendships, it’s about friendly conversation.”

I never once lied and said I was a people person. In fact, that could probably be so far from the truth that even I’m willing to admit to. Maybe my aversion to people is that I don’t understand simple polite conversation, or just gets bored with it. I could probably discuss things like the weather in a short time span. A 5 minute time frame, at most.

Maybe there’s a point, maybe it is a huge personality defect. But maybe some people just like their quiet and like being alone. I don’t think that means they are mentally ill, they just like peace. That’s just on the different extreme of people who always need people around. What’s the difference really? The only difference is that being outgoing is socially acceptable, even encouraged. Loners are just people who deserve mocking.

I don’t mind having “loner” tendencies. I also don’t mind always erring on the side of social unacceptability. I think blue hair is acceptable at any age, and skinny jeans make me die on the inside. Sure, at the bus stop I look at people with an awkward smile while they try a conversation. I might even secretly make a snide comment in my head. (Ok, it’s not a secret now.) I think it’s ok that I admit it, though no one else will think so. I can’t control my facial expressions to hide what I’m thinking, but I prefer it that way.

The point is, conversations with people are the main interactions you have with new people. It can define whether you actually befriend them or not. That first interaction really gives the first impression that decides how they interact with you later on. As a parent though, you learn that sometimes you have to put in a little effort because your kids chose your friends. It’s true, their friends and their parents become yours, whether you like it or not. Luckily for me, my son has taste in friends. This point of first impressions is making me more aware of how I act to others. It makes me more conscious of how socially unaware I am. Thankfully it seems most people don’t mind as much as you think, as long as you’re not outwardly rude to them. Sometimes they like a little weird in their life.

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Familiarity

I got a new phone yesterday, and it was a good moment for me. But in the store, I was completely lost. I don’t know what the specs mean, or why anyone would ever need a dual core processor in a phone. (Even more than that, I didn’t understand what a dual core was. Thanks techie husband!) Yeah, technology isn’t my thing. I wanted something simple; take pictures, video, and using the social networking aspects.

Upon entering the store, I became overwhelmed with information. I knew I loved my Droid Eris. I knew my husband and father are big into the Thunderbolt. I knew my mom and brother had the Incredible 2. (My family realized mine and my husband’s love for Droids, and couldn’t resist.)  I knew my friend who worked at a Verizon store said a Charge. The salesperson there mentioned the Bionic. I just sat there doe eyed, waiting for the cell phone fairy to come down and tell me what to do. I’m a writer, not a very tech-savvy person.

My husband was no help. He had his bias, and he knew it and he knew that I’d get mad at him trying to influence my decision. I knew I wanted a 4G phone. That’s really the only criteria I had. So I did what any person would do. I played with each of those phones. I played until I got a feel for each of them, and that was the only way I was going to decide. I don’t get influenced by what anyone else says, I’m far too stubborn for that. After a good 20 minutes playing with all the shiny new phones I could, the answer was clear. I had my mind-set and that was that, much like every other time I make up my mind.

Approaching the counter, part of me felt ashamed. I knew the look she’d give when I gave my answer. I knew what everyone’s response would be. I had finally had a lock in my head of the shiny new Bionic, new today in stores, or the Thunderbolt. Dramatic, yes, but the walk back to the counter seemed longer than the 5 second walk. My head was spinning, apps, processors… I didn’t know anything. It wasn’t like this was a life changing decision, it was a phone I’d have for only 2 years. It seems so silly to over think something so inane. But it was foolishly important to me.

“Have you made your choice?” She asked. She was a very nice woman.

“I’ll take a Thunderbolt,” I stated comfortable in my decision.

I saw her look. I knew it was coming. I knew when I celebrated on Facebook that people who bothered to read sat there with looks of awe at my womanly stupidity. I realized this, even before I said anything. But I had valid reasons for my choice. I loved my Eris, I loved Sense. It was easy to use, and not to sound like a “stupid girl”, it wasn’t blocky and awkward looking that the Bionic was. I chose what I was familiar with.

Familiarity is something we all stick to. We follow the same routine day-to-day, simply because it’s something we’re familiar with. We’re all guilty of sticking to the same brands for items we commonly use. Cell phones are the same way. You have a person that sticks with the iPhone because it’s something that’s comfortable to them. Why should anyone feel guilty for that? I sure don’t. And, like I said yesterday, I regret nothing. I’m happy with my choice; it serves its purpose for me. Sometimes, it’s just good to stick with something you know and was something you had trust in.

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Chosen Adventure

It fascinates me the way one little thing affects everything in the scheme of things. Some people believe that we are all one speck, insignificant to what happens elsewhere. But really, it seems more “insignificant” events shape the more significant ones. (Also, typing “insignificant” is really annoying me, so I’m done with it.) Really, you just have to think about it.

Life is just like one of those Choose Your Adventure books most of us read as children. Well, except for the fact that you can’t go back in pages because you didn’t like the outcome. I don’t mean that having a bagel for breakfast over cereal will alter your life. I do mean maybe seemingly meaningless events add up. Who knows if waking up late that day will save your life? Sometimes that thought is depressing enough, but it’s really distressing to know you don’t know the answer to that.

Sitting around, I think about the truth of it. How different minor decisions ended up making a huge impact on my life, and how I didn’t realize it could. When you’re a teenager, you know that dating different people is how things are. So when a break up happens, you don’t realize that maybe that breakup would in a way, change your life forever. Sometimes you never even bother to consider what would happen if you chose another path. Unfortunately you can’t read each scenario until you find the best one, and settle for it.

I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything really. Anything that has occurred made me the person I am today. Sure, by most people’s standards, I’ve accomplished nothing or very little. I don’t agree, and I don’t care. I realize that I can’t change what has happened, and I realize I cannot control what will happen. I like to roll with it. Why bother wasting effort and time in a short life only to question everything you’ve done?

I don’t think I would change anything. So what if I had rough moments as a single mom, I don’t believe without my son I would be where I am today. I probably wouldn’t have gone to school, and stayed in a job I really hated. I probably wouldn’t have found the nicest man on the planet to love us both, and eventually marrying us. And without my husband, I wouldn’t have even gone back to school without his urging. I’m happy with my life, though most people in my place would complain. I’ve lived through enough to appreciate everything, and I don’t care what has happened in the past. I know that I have a fantastic son everyone compliments on and a fantastic husband that I’m more grateful for than he will ever understand. Mostly, I’m grateful that I have all the strength I do as a result of my chosen adventures.

Also end note of: gratitude for the ever bizarre family I have, because no matter what, they are them. And if they read this, they’d be mad I didn’t say thanks.

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What’s Your Favorite Show?

It’s fall. Fall brings the new year of school. The leaves are falling, soon will be Halloween. I love fall so much that I even got married in fall. But do you know what else happens in fall? Oh yes, the television premieres. And of course, football season!

I love football. I grew up the youngest sibling with 3 brothers, watching sports and playing them was something I really just always knew. Watching football is exciting, there’s always something going on. When I watch baseball, nothing happens but me falling asleep of boredom. I wouldn’t involve myself in fantasy football; the purist in me thinks it ruins the game. Instead of watching your team, the one you’re so loyal to and follow religiously, you spend your time looking at stats and to see who you need to sit the following week. No, I just like to watch it. I enjoy sitting around with my family, eating food that’s bad for you and cheering and booing loudly. That’s what fall and football are about. (Go Pats!)

Then there are the television shows. It becomes sad when you revolve the nighttime around your television shows and your DVR. But this is the reality I’m sure a lot of us live these days. Though my favorite show doesn’t start until next spring (yay Game of Thrones), I still highly enjoy most of the ones returning and I’m excited about some new ones coming. Television is a staple in most households, mine included.

Why is television as important as it is though? I like to watch television because I like how mindless it’s capable  of being, or how thought-provoking it is. In some weird way, it also has a family sitting together watching something and talking about it. At least it gets family talking to each other. It’s not always about sitting alone, eating chips and candy gaining a ton of weight from lack of exercise. It’s good to have something, anything, to bond with your family over.

I’m by no means saying you should lock up your entire family all day long to watch television together. But having a nightly tradition of watching a show or two with your family isn’t such a bad thing. What I am saying is that sometimes anything you can do to converse with your family is something you should do. In a lot of families, they don’t have the liberty of sitting down with each other. I think you need to find whatever way you can to get your loved ones to sit together to form that family bond that we see preached all the time. The worst that can happen is *gasp* you all find something you can agree on and enjoy together.

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First Day

Today is the first day of school. Watching kids from the living room getting on their busses, anxious or upset of what awaits them today. Sure, they know it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just another day. Their parents are either overjoyed at the break, or saddened by being home alone. This just brings us back to the normal day we’ve all grown used to, whatever that means.

Even more than that, today is the first day of construction on the house. New kitchen, a new bathroom, another new reason I keep my Excedrin next to my computer. Everything is in its own sort of disarray today. That’s the purpose of first days; a new beginning that will hopefully bring better things to come. Hopefully a better, more functioning house will come out of all this hassle. Though, it makes me both sad and uncomfortable that something that lasted so long is being so easily destroyed. Sometimes it’s hard to forget a house is really just wood and metal that can easily be  left in shambles with such little effort.

Kids are the same way. It doesn’t take much to make them crumble to nothing but tears. The first day of school is powerful enough to do it. All it takes is on bad kid at school on the first day to ruin the year for them. Then their hopes of a fresh new start get ruin. But like the remodel, all you can do is hope that it ends up better than it was before. They can reinvent themselves in however and whatever they want to, and hope that the fresh start was worth it. We always assure them it is.

That’s what we always tell ourselves anyways. “It has to get worse before it gets better”. I never really liked that saying. Why? Because generally things go not just from worse to better, they go through different grades of worse than worse all the way to better, in the best case scenario. Worst case scenario? It goes from those varying degrees of awful all the way to a little better than it was before, it at all. But at that point, it’s “just a little better”. At least if you’re going to an awful you never want to see, you want something fantastic after all of it.

Now, this leaves me to the part where my kitchen and bathroom used to exist. Really, it’s the main point of this whole story. A new beginning is good for all of us. The first day of anything, brings you to a fresh and hopefully better start. The excitement and anxiety make things a little shaky at first, but if nothing else, a little change does a lot of good either way. And really, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ve learned a long time ago that sometimes you just need to make the best of things. Why not? You can’t change the past. But, you can always make your future. You just need that first day.