It fascinates me the way one little thing affects everything in the scheme of things. Some people believe that we are all one speck, insignificant to what happens elsewhere. But really, it seems more “insignificant” events shape the more significant ones. (Also, typing “insignificant” is really annoying me, so I’m done with it.) Really, you just have to think about it.
Life is just like one of those Choose Your Adventure books most of us read as children. Well, except for the fact that you can’t go back in pages because you didn’t like the outcome. I don’t mean that having a bagel for breakfast over cereal will alter your life. I do mean maybe seemingly meaningless events add up. Who knows if waking up late that day will save your life? Sometimes that thought is depressing enough, but it’s really distressing to know you don’t know the answer to that.
Sitting around, I think about the truth of it. How different minor decisions ended up making a huge impact on my life, and how I didn’t realize it could. When you’re a teenager, you know that dating different people is how things are. So when a break up happens, you don’t realize that maybe that breakup would in a way, change your life forever. Sometimes you never even bother to consider what would happen if you chose another path. Unfortunately you can’t read each scenario until you find the best one, and settle for it.
I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything really. Anything that has occurred made me the person I am today. Sure, by most people’s standards, I’ve accomplished nothing or very little. I don’t agree, and I don’t care. I realize that I can’t change what has happened, and I realize I cannot control what will happen. I like to roll with it. Why bother wasting effort and time in a short life only to question everything you’ve done?
I don’t think I would change anything. So what if I had rough moments as a single mom, I don’t believe without my son I would be where I am today. I probably wouldn’t have gone to school, and stayed in a job I really hated. I probably wouldn’t have found the nicest man on the planet to love us both, and eventually marrying us. And without my husband, I wouldn’t have even gone back to school without his urging. I’m happy with my life, though most people in my place would complain. I’ve lived through enough to appreciate everything, and I don’t care what has happened in the past. I know that I have a fantastic son everyone compliments on and a fantastic husband that I’m more grateful for than he will ever understand. Mostly, I’m grateful that I have all the strength I do as a result of my chosen adventures.
Also end note of: gratitude for the ever bizarre family I have, because no matter what, they are them. And if they read this, they’d be mad I didn’t say thanks.