Tag Archives: Writing

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Conversations

“That’s because she was too busy flirting with you to do it right”, I joked with my husband after his haircut.

“She wasn’t flirting, that’s what they do. They try to talk to you about things.” He looked at me like I was the weirdest person he’d seen. He’s probably right.

“Mine doesn’t bother with idle chit-chat with me.”

“That’s because she knows you.”

At first, a part of me became offended. Not really, but let’s go with that. He’s right though, I don’t do well with “how’s the weather?” conversations. It might for further than simple social awkwardness. If I wanted to know about the weather, I’d watch the Weather Channel or even just look out the window. I understand conversations about family; that makes sense.

“Some people look at misanthropy as a personality defect. I think it just allows more selective friendships.”

“We’re not talking about friendships, it’s about friendly conversation.”

I never once lied and said I was a people person. In fact, that could probably be so far from the truth that even I’m willing to admit to. Maybe my aversion to people is that I don’t understand simple polite conversation, or just gets bored with it. I could probably discuss things like the weather in a short time span. A 5 minute time frame, at most.

Maybe there’s a point, maybe it is a huge personality defect. But maybe some people just like their quiet and like being alone. I don’t think that means they are mentally ill, they just like peace. That’s just on the different extreme of people who always need people around. What’s the difference really? The only difference is that being outgoing is socially acceptable, even encouraged. Loners are just people who deserve mocking.

I don’t mind having “loner” tendencies. I also don’t mind always erring on the side of social unacceptability. I think blue hair is acceptable at any age, and skinny jeans make me die on the inside. Sure, at the bus stop I look at people with an awkward smile while they try a conversation. I might even secretly make a snide comment in my head. (Ok, it’s not a secret now.) I think it’s ok that I admit it, though no one else will think so. I can’t control my facial expressions to hide what I’m thinking, but I prefer it that way.

The point is, conversations with people are the main interactions you have with new people. It can define whether you actually befriend them or not. That first interaction really gives the first impression that decides how they interact with you later on. As a parent though, you learn that sometimes you have to put in a little effort because your kids chose your friends. It’s true, their friends and their parents become yours, whether you like it or not. Luckily for me, my son has taste in friends. This point of first impressions is making me more aware of how I act to others. It makes me more conscious of how socially unaware I am. Thankfully it seems most people don’t mind as much as you think, as long as you’re not outwardly rude to them. Sometimes they like a little weird in their life.

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Familiarity

I got a new phone yesterday, and it was a good moment for me. But in the store, I was completely lost. I don’t know what the specs mean, or why anyone would ever need a dual core processor in a phone. (Even more than that, I didn’t understand what a dual core was. Thanks techie husband!) Yeah, technology isn’t my thing. I wanted something simple; take pictures, video, and using the social networking aspects.

Upon entering the store, I became overwhelmed with information. I knew I loved my Droid Eris. I knew my husband and father are big into the Thunderbolt. I knew my mom and brother had the Incredible 2. (My family realized mine and my husband’s love for Droids, and couldn’t resist.)  I knew my friend who worked at a Verizon store said a Charge. The salesperson there mentioned the Bionic. I just sat there doe eyed, waiting for the cell phone fairy to come down and tell me what to do. I’m a writer, not a very tech-savvy person.

My husband was no help. He had his bias, and he knew it and he knew that I’d get mad at him trying to influence my decision. I knew I wanted a 4G phone. That’s really the only criteria I had. So I did what any person would do. I played with each of those phones. I played until I got a feel for each of them, and that was the only way I was going to decide. I don’t get influenced by what anyone else says, I’m far too stubborn for that. After a good 20 minutes playing with all the shiny new phones I could, the answer was clear. I had my mind-set and that was that, much like every other time I make up my mind.

Approaching the counter, part of me felt ashamed. I knew the look she’d give when I gave my answer. I knew what everyone’s response would be. I had finally had a lock in my head of the shiny new Bionic, new today in stores, or the Thunderbolt. Dramatic, yes, but the walk back to the counter seemed longer than the 5 second walk. My head was spinning, apps, processors… I didn’t know anything. It wasn’t like this was a life changing decision, it was a phone I’d have for only 2 years. It seems so silly to over think something so inane. But it was foolishly important to me.

“Have you made your choice?” She asked. She was a very nice woman.

“I’ll take a Thunderbolt,” I stated comfortable in my decision.

I saw her look. I knew it was coming. I knew when I celebrated on Facebook that people who bothered to read sat there with looks of awe at my womanly stupidity. I realized this, even before I said anything. But I had valid reasons for my choice. I loved my Eris, I loved Sense. It was easy to use, and not to sound like a “stupid girl”, it wasn’t blocky and awkward looking that the Bionic was. I chose what I was familiar with.

Familiarity is something we all stick to. We follow the same routine day-to-day, simply because it’s something we’re familiar with. We’re all guilty of sticking to the same brands for items we commonly use. Cell phones are the same way. You have a person that sticks with the iPhone because it’s something that’s comfortable to them. Why should anyone feel guilty for that? I sure don’t. And, like I said yesterday, I regret nothing. I’m happy with my choice; it serves its purpose for me. Sometimes, it’s just good to stick with something you know and was something you had trust in.

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Chosen Adventure

It fascinates me the way one little thing affects everything in the scheme of things. Some people believe that we are all one speck, insignificant to what happens elsewhere. But really, it seems more “insignificant” events shape the more significant ones. (Also, typing “insignificant” is really annoying me, so I’m done with it.) Really, you just have to think about it.

Life is just like one of those Choose Your Adventure books most of us read as children. Well, except for the fact that you can’t go back in pages because you didn’t like the outcome. I don’t mean that having a bagel for breakfast over cereal will alter your life. I do mean maybe seemingly meaningless events add up. Who knows if waking up late that day will save your life? Sometimes that thought is depressing enough, but it’s really distressing to know you don’t know the answer to that.

Sitting around, I think about the truth of it. How different minor decisions ended up making a huge impact on my life, and how I didn’t realize it could. When you’re a teenager, you know that dating different people is how things are. So when a break up happens, you don’t realize that maybe that breakup would in a way, change your life forever. Sometimes you never even bother to consider what would happen if you chose another path. Unfortunately you can’t read each scenario until you find the best one, and settle for it.

I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything really. Anything that has occurred made me the person I am today. Sure, by most people’s standards, I’ve accomplished nothing or very little. I don’t agree, and I don’t care. I realize that I can’t change what has happened, and I realize I cannot control what will happen. I like to roll with it. Why bother wasting effort and time in a short life only to question everything you’ve done?

I don’t think I would change anything. So what if I had rough moments as a single mom, I don’t believe without my son I would be where I am today. I probably wouldn’t have gone to school, and stayed in a job I really hated. I probably wouldn’t have found the nicest man on the planet to love us both, and eventually marrying us. And without my husband, I wouldn’t have even gone back to school without his urging. I’m happy with my life, though most people in my place would complain. I’ve lived through enough to appreciate everything, and I don’t care what has happened in the past. I know that I have a fantastic son everyone compliments on and a fantastic husband that I’m more grateful for than he will ever understand. Mostly, I’m grateful that I have all the strength I do as a result of my chosen adventures.

Also end note of: gratitude for the ever bizarre family I have, because no matter what, they are them. And if they read this, they’d be mad I didn’t say thanks.

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What’s Your Favorite Show?

It’s fall. Fall brings the new year of school. The leaves are falling, soon will be Halloween. I love fall so much that I even got married in fall. But do you know what else happens in fall? Oh yes, the television premieres. And of course, football season!

I love football. I grew up the youngest sibling with 3 brothers, watching sports and playing them was something I really just always knew. Watching football is exciting, there’s always something going on. When I watch baseball, nothing happens but me falling asleep of boredom. I wouldn’t involve myself in fantasy football; the purist in me thinks it ruins the game. Instead of watching your team, the one you’re so loyal to and follow religiously, you spend your time looking at stats and to see who you need to sit the following week. No, I just like to watch it. I enjoy sitting around with my family, eating food that’s bad for you and cheering and booing loudly. That’s what fall and football are about. (Go Pats!)

Then there are the television shows. It becomes sad when you revolve the nighttime around your television shows and your DVR. But this is the reality I’m sure a lot of us live these days. Though my favorite show doesn’t start until next spring (yay Game of Thrones), I still highly enjoy most of the ones returning and I’m excited about some new ones coming. Television is a staple in most households, mine included.

Why is television as important as it is though? I like to watch television because I like how mindless it’s capable  of being, or how thought-provoking it is. In some weird way, it also has a family sitting together watching something and talking about it. At least it gets family talking to each other. It’s not always about sitting alone, eating chips and candy gaining a ton of weight from lack of exercise. It’s good to have something, anything, to bond with your family over.

I’m by no means saying you should lock up your entire family all day long to watch television together. But having a nightly tradition of watching a show or two with your family isn’t such a bad thing. What I am saying is that sometimes anything you can do to converse with your family is something you should do. In a lot of families, they don’t have the liberty of sitting down with each other. I think you need to find whatever way you can to get your loved ones to sit together to form that family bond that we see preached all the time. The worst that can happen is *gasp* you all find something you can agree on and enjoy together.

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First Day

Today is the first day of school. Watching kids from the living room getting on their busses, anxious or upset of what awaits them today. Sure, they know it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just another day. Their parents are either overjoyed at the break, or saddened by being home alone. This just brings us back to the normal day we’ve all grown used to, whatever that means.

Even more than that, today is the first day of construction on the house. New kitchen, a new bathroom, another new reason I keep my Excedrin next to my computer. Everything is in its own sort of disarray today. That’s the purpose of first days; a new beginning that will hopefully bring better things to come. Hopefully a better, more functioning house will come out of all this hassle. Though, it makes me both sad and uncomfortable that something that lasted so long is being so easily destroyed. Sometimes it’s hard to forget a house is really just wood and metal that can easily be  left in shambles with such little effort.

Kids are the same way. It doesn’t take much to make them crumble to nothing but tears. The first day of school is powerful enough to do it. All it takes is on bad kid at school on the first day to ruin the year for them. Then their hopes of a fresh new start get ruin. But like the remodel, all you can do is hope that it ends up better than it was before. They can reinvent themselves in however and whatever they want to, and hope that the fresh start was worth it. We always assure them it is.

That’s what we always tell ourselves anyways. “It has to get worse before it gets better”. I never really liked that saying. Why? Because generally things go not just from worse to better, they go through different grades of worse than worse all the way to better, in the best case scenario. Worst case scenario? It goes from those varying degrees of awful all the way to a little better than it was before, it at all. But at that point, it’s “just a little better”. At least if you’re going to an awful you never want to see, you want something fantastic after all of it.

Now, this leaves me to the part where my kitchen and bathroom used to exist. Really, it’s the main point of this whole story. A new beginning is good for all of us. The first day of anything, brings you to a fresh and hopefully better start. The excitement and anxiety make things a little shaky at first, but if nothing else, a little change does a lot of good either way. And really, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ve learned a long time ago that sometimes you just need to make the best of things. Why not? You can’t change the past. But, you can always make your future. You just need that first day.

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The Electoral Race: Why should we care?

The candidates for the 2012 elections are campaigning and straw polls have begun. People with big promises to fix the problems we the Americans are currently facing. Candidates with their own followings, preaching change and discussing the moral dilemmas they feel we are currently facing. We have them thrown in our faces, people we have to stand behind, ideals they share with us. All for a chance to change the way we live, the unemployment, our lives.

I watch them, much like the rest of the Americans. Similarly to most people, at least I hope most people, I was skeptical. Promises are one thing, but actions are another story. I can’t keep stories straight; I couldn’t even tell you what each person believes except that they’ll let us believe whatever we want.  I can tell you that everyone seems to think the way to vote is by that little letter next to their name, telling us that they are the same as us, and we need to vote for them for the sake of the party.

What about the party of America? Political lines seem like the only thing anyone knows, because we sure aren’t getting anything from our candidates. What about the people struggling, getting hurt by taxes more than corporations hoarding their money, claiming “look at the charity work we do. If we succeed, you do”? I’d like to know when people are going to start talking about something we care about, not “this is Obama’s fault” or “this was all Bush’s fault”.  People don’t like excuses and we don’t like finger-pointing.

I openly admit, I’ve never voted. I never had a candidate put in front of me I believed in. South Park had an episode, saying every election you just need to choose the lesser evil. Why should we choose a lesser evil, why can’t we just have a person stand in front of us and say “this is what I believe, take it or leave it”. Instead we get people who tip-toe around questions that matter, or if they do stand up and grow a pair, they take it back when their numbers drop. Why should I vote for someone who won’t tell us what they think, but would rather just do whatever to get re-elected? I would have more respect for the politician that stuck to their guns, regardless, than the one who won’t tell you anything and just attack people. “I  am the better candidate because I’m not that guy.” “I am the better choice because I’m a democrat/republican.”

The worst part is today everyone is stressing ideals, morals, and the constitution. Instead, we have people arguing about a health plan that’s “unconstitutional”, while gay marriage needs to become outlawed. Please note: most issues with gay marriage come from religion, which last I checked, constitutionally, we have to separate church and state. Interesting how that works?

What I’ve realized is that elections seem to come down to the ones who can make it until November sounding the least hypocritical. It’s amazing how few of America’s youth votes, isn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if that number lessens each year with newly of age jaded youth coming into the election year. They grow into adults just as jaded, or really just cynical of the system. What once existed merely as a “my one vote doesn’t matter” frame of mind, turned into a “what does this person even stand for and why should I bother” mind frame.

In college, I read a book entitled “On Political Equality” by Robert A. Dahl. In it, he describes a problem with our form of democracy. The fact is, our “democracy” allows us to pick someone, and pray that they do what we actually want them to do as our representatives. Practically speaking, we can’t have a true democracy, there are far too many of us. So maybe those people who feel that their “one vote” doesn’t count, can rest assured that it probably really doesn’t. That is until enough people decide, “my one vote doesn’t count” and you have all those people not participating in the electoral process. (On a side note: fantastic book, I recommend it.)

This all brings us back to the original question. Why should we care? I don’t buy into the ideals of “women fought for your right to vote; it’s your duty, blah blah”. I believe if you feel strongly enough about something, you should go for it. If you find a candidate worth it, go for it. But I believe that you shouldn’t be belittled for your mistrust in your candidates and your disgust with voting for someone you don’t feel strongly in. It’s their job to make you believe in them, but I think it’s better if you believe in something and not a person. The person will let you down and break the promises they swore on to make you check their name off in the poll. I think that the failure doesn’t fall in the person who fails to show up to the polls on Election Day, the failure belongs to the people who don’t spend enough time telling you facts to convince you to vote for them.

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Plug for Local Charity

Today starts the yearly telethon for the Jimmy Fund. The Jimmy Fund helps support the fight for cancer, by helping the Dana-Farber Institute right here in Massachusetts. Every year, they air a telethon for 2 days to help raise money for research. So far, they have raised more than $750 million towards research since being founded in 1948. (Statistics courtesy of the Jimmy Fund website.) More than that, they offer emotional and mental needs of their patients, which in some studies are often times just as helpful in their fight.

Every year, every television in my house ends up tuned into this event. Cancer has affected my family on more than one occasion, so we feel a true empathy to the cause. We listen to the stories and remember the people we’ve lost or the scares we’ve had. Most of all, I find their stories more inspirational than just “I beat it”. It’s about fighting for something, which I completely stand by. Also, interestingly, most of the people we see on the telethon are strong and more powerful than anyone I know. Their courage is something we should admire. They go into their treatments knowing they have a long and draining fight ahead of them. They also go into the fight with all their strength realizing that the treatments might not work. They do it anyways, and they put up one hell of a fight. This is why I admire them, because sometimes it’s easier to give up and they don’t.

Watching the telethon though, you have a sobering realization: you’re really not safe from cancer. You could live a perfectly healthy life; exercising, not smoking or drinking, and you could still die from it. Likewise, you could do everything wrong, and you could live to 100. You could be an infant, or you could be middle-aged. Statistically speaking, donating to a charity like this benefits you more than just the warm fuzzy feeling you get, you could benefit because someday you might need their help.

I grew up with a strong belief in charity. Give whatever you can to one charity, my father would say. Today, every year at telethon time, my husband and I give what we can. Our local grocery store also a few times a year has a scratch ticket fundraiser or a “donate a $1 to the Jimmy Fund” fundraiser, which we also take part in. It’s something we both feel very strongly about. It’s our family tradition. We’re grateful to them for what they do for the community, and we’re grateful for strives the Dana-Farber Institute make every year. Every year could bring us one step closer to a cure, I hope.

With that said, I hope you guys check out the telethon (for us Massachusetts residents, NESN and WEEI radio airs it) and I hope you really listen to their stories. I’m also hopeful that maybe some people will take this post to heart and get inspired to help their cause. If you want more information, check out their site at: http://www.jimmyfund.org/ . You’ll find statistics, information about the Dana-Farber Institute and the Jimmy Fund. Plus, you’ll also see a nice little button that says “Make a Gift”, and maybe you’ll click it.

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Con-Time!?

Much to my excitement, Convention season seems around the corner. Geeks of all sorts flock to their own little worlds to meet people just like them. There’s always a little something for everyone, where they form bonds and enjoy the fact that while at home, they are lonely, but now they have 3000+ people who have the same interests. No doubt these people bond with each other because unlike in their normal lives, people here get it.

In October, we have Blizz-con. Every year I stream it, because $50 to watch it seems much easier to swallow than the obscene cost of actually attending it for 3 days. I never understand why I watch it. Sure, the pet is cool enough, but the emotions I have watching it infuriates me. Oh look, a new expansion to the game! Exciting! New things… oh and then they ruin it. Oh Diablo III, everyone wants to play that. Three years, and it’s still not done? Suddenly, I’m not so excited. Then, the next year, I watch it again. That has become my guilty pleasure and my vicious cycle of gaming cons.

Yarrggg...

The highlight of this for me is springtime in Boston to attend Pax East. At first, I’ll admit I didn’t want to go. This was my husband’s thing. I’m not a hardcore gamer, I didn’t think this would be something I’d want to do. Plus, there’s that whole “I’m surrounded by people thing”, which I’m not so cool with. It meant a lot to him, so off we went. Walking from booth to booth, I didn’t get it. I took in all the sights, and I felt more out-of-place than I ever thought I could. Then I saw the classic console room, and that’s when I started to have fun. It hit me that this place wasn’t just for people whose lives revolve around Magic or DnD, it was also for people like me. The best part was, everyone felt like they had a place there. When Sunday rolled around, I didn’t want to go back. But I’m sure other attendees felt the same. I’d also note, I bet my husband regrets this because now I’m really into games of all sorts; not just Warcraft and Sims.

The following year, I went in more “gamer”. I realized a love for board games like Last Night on Earth and The Game of Thrones, and a continued love for assorted other games. Additionally, after the previous year, I started reading Penny Arcade more religiously and watched every episode of PATV. Toss that in with having more friends attend with you, it was a blast. We also found new areas we missed last year, including an area to free play board games and card games. We also ended up with a list of games we couldn’t wait for their released and a few new games to play when we got home. The concerts also never fail to please, with my personal favorites of Video Game Orchestra and Jonathan Coulton. Last year was the most fun I had experienced

Showing Off at the Duke Nukem booth.

in a long time.

This year, like many other people, I’m counting down until they’re back in Boston and preparing for another incredible weekend. Attending a convention about things you love with other people who love the same things, makes you feel like you’re part of a culture, and not some loner who likes to read fantasy books and play games endlessly in your spare time. In fact while you spend half your time hiding the fact you love Magic, or that you’re the Game Master of your group, you are with other people who hide it too! Imagine that.

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Natural Disasters… and the like.

Watching weather reports on Irene, I recall an ordinary day that occurred a few months ago: my father warns me of a tornado warning, like every other time, and I shrug it off. “We’ve never had one, those crazy meteorologists are just covering their butts”, I said to myself. After going out, I came home with 10 texts from my husband, and a phone call or three from my in-laws. On the TV, I saw where my husband works… with a tornado going over it.

Frantically I called more times than I should have with no luck getting through. Luckily, despite the cell signal for calls not working, my techie husband was able to respond saying he was fine on Facebook. (Thank goodness for 4G.)There were others not as lucky, including one person who died right next to his workplace. Apparently he was luckier than I thought, avoiding the tornado a few times as his journey home crossed it more than once. He rushes into the house, yelling for us all and our dogs to run downstairs where we hid until the TV told us we were safe.  We learned an important lesson that week:  the only way the Bruins can win the Stanley Cup, is with their state getting hit by a tornado. Oh… and we learned that Massachusetts can get hit by a tornado.

Then last month, we went to vacation at the Cape. We left early when we heard another bad storm came in, and knocked our tree down. Aside from our neighbors’ broken fence, we had no real issues, which was more than we could say about the trees that crushed cars in our neighborhood. Other houses in our city had damage, and then we seemed to really learn our lesson.

A few days ago, I cracked a tooth and thought that it would be the worst thing I’d experience that week. As I sat down praying for the Advil to work and for the Novocaine to wear off, I realized the chair I was in was shaking. Searching for the dog I thought was moving it, I realized the dogs were in the other room and the lamp was also shaking. I sighed, deciding my dentist had drugged me up and I was hallucinating as a result. A few minutes later, my mother called asking if I felt it. “No mom, they numbed my mouth so well, I still can’t feel it.” I could hear her sigh, and then she said “there was an earthquake in Virginia, and we felt the aftershock. Your brother said he felt it, I didn’t, and I wondered if you had.” At first, and I believed this idea occurred because I had been out of it as a result of my tooth, I became relieved that I wasn’t going crazy and hallucinating. Then it really hit me that we had experienced natural disasters we hadn’t in a long time or even ever, all in a few months span.

Now, much like everyone else in Massachusetts who had never had these extreme weather situations occur, I twitch every time an alert pops up for a tornado. We no longer take it lightly. Even more than that, any weather alert now turns us into basket cases, because before we never believed it would happen. The lucky thing about where we live, the worst we have to worry about is a bad snow storm, covering us in ice and snow. We now believe anything can happen.

Currently, we are under a hurricane watch, which normally we shrug at. Sure, we prepare to a point of “just enough”, because something maybe happens. That’s all changed now. Stores have run out of generators, waters, even gas. We made sure we secured our outdoor stuff and locked up the rest. Just in case. We’ve joined the rest of the country, we get scared now. We watch weather reports and pray, though normally we say “if you don’t like the weather in New England, wait five minutes”. While that remains true, those five minutes could bring bad things.

I don’t think fear solves anything; it just makes people overreact and really worsens the situation. I don’t particularly enjoy now looking at the weather, praying something bad doesn’t happen again. But I do think that it’s good now that we hit the point many teenagers do upon reaching adulthood: we’re not invincible. No place is really safe from it. All we can do is prepare and hope for the best.

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First!

Another new blogger joining this overabundance of blogging sites, but what makes me different from the rest? Well, I suppose nothing really. Most are aspiring writers hoping to get out there and make a name, while others have a purpose or goal of informing the masses of readers on a specific topic. While I admit I have no specific aim of topics or goals, I will say that I will probably talk about whatever I feel like at the moment.

So with that, I suppose I should introduce myself. I’m Brianne, an aspiring writer. I graduated college, with a B.A. in English, formerly a double major of English and Education. Long story short, I realized that being morally opposed to many things in the public schooling made it difficult to actually want to teach. Originally, I had intended becoming a teacher because they are some of the most influential people in a child or teen’s life. The thought of helping students the way I  as once was became an idea that made me smile. In the end I realized inspiring someone, anyone, was more important than how I did it.

Now, married and still a little idealistic, I was able to do something I loved: writing. My husband, the amazing person he is, made this possible for me. His sometimes grating goal of making me happy has really inspired to finally take this plunge into a world where everyone can see what I write, although any person who does art can tell you how terrifying it is. The idea that you can write something, then be mocked by every reader is like that dream we all had of public speaking with our teeth missing, or standing in front of your audience stark naked.

At least something I’ve always believed sticks here: you never know until you try. You can get scared, or even say “why bother” and not even try; but you’ll never know what you could’ve accomplished without at least taking the first dive into the water. If nothing else, you’ll have the attempt and the experience behind you. Besides, without trying something you’re terrified to do, how can you expect your children to try something new?

Most blogs have a goal, a promise to their readers of a specific topic they can count on. However, much like how I live my life, sticking to the same thing every day just doesn’t appeal to me at all. I like variety, that’s how I like my life. I love options so I can read a fantasy book one day or a classic the next. And honestly, I love my whims. I will promise an honest outlook on how I see things, which will probably be the basis of what you’ll read.

So this leads me here with my first post.