Tag Archives: Miscellaneous

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2 Years

Logging onto my blog today, I had no idea what to write about. I’m tired, and allergies are killing me. A notification appeared to tell me that I had hit my 2 year anniversary writing here. 2 years of me ranting about whatever I want. It doesn’t feel like 2 years, but I think as we get older we lose track of time a little bit. Okay, maybe we lose track a lot. This lead me to wonder, what about me has changed in 2 years? I constantly change something, as I’m a person that likes to mix it up. Out of boredom, I have been known to dye my hair blonde or try some hairstyle that leads me to staying home until it grows out. I like change, I hate the idea of staying the same. I bore very easily of things.

I had my second child since my blog started. I wrote 2 e-books, which are currently on sale if you click to the link on the side. and currently working on my 3rd. I’ve started a Hubpage, also with a link to the side, which is mildly successful in itself. I’ve been now married for 3 years, and my oldest son is about to have his last year of grade school. That’s how fast time flies. When I started this blog, I intended for something to help me get my thoughts out there and shared with people who needed to see someone felt the same way as they did about anything. I hoped that it would give me the confidence to work on something and publish it. I think I have been at least remotely successful in that aspect, and I realize slowly that I’ll just write whatever I want and if I offend you or upset you, that problem is with the reader and not the writer. I’ve decided not to censor myself as I feel that something gets lost and I would lose my own artistic integrity by spending time worrying about that sort of thing. I’m now confident enough to believe in myself and my words, and really that’s all that matters to me. I’ve always felt offense usually come from a personal issue in the reader anyways, as anything that offends me comes from something internally where I’m ashamed that it’s true about me or otherwise.

I won’t change, not this. I write about whatever topic comes in my head, whether one day it’s politics or one day it’s how I’m battling writer’s block. It changes daily with me, and it will continue to grow with me. I’m comfortable enough in my own skin in life, and it’s about time I’m comfortable with myself in my own words. This will help me push forward and go on with what I need to do in my writing. So for two years, I’d like to toast myself for sticking to my guns and beliefs and everything else. I’ll raise my bottle of water to that.

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Don’t Celebrate Too Soon

After I had given birth, I awaited with dread over the hospital bill. I knew I was close to our $4000 deductible, but I wasn’t certain as to “how close” I was. When the $12000 bill came back, I stared at that number in fear what the final “amount owed” would come to. I was elated when I saw that the bill was only actually $300. I looked at the itemized bill, and came to a conclusion I know will shock you: we are being royally screwed. I was glad I didn’t have an epidural, because I would’ve cried to see that number come back. Among the itemized list, I’ll share a gem or two with you. $60 for one Ambien. One. I was charged separately for a labor room, a delivery room, and a recovery room. Why is that so shocking you ask? Because I was in a LDR room, a joyful convenience of all the rooms in one tiny little package. Add in $20 per 1 pill dosage of Advil, and I couldn’t believe it. Seriously, I almost wish I had a c-section so I could see the total that would come up with, plus the added bonus of sticking it to my insurance company that I only had to pay $300 for something that would probably have cost upwards to $25000-$30000.

So when my son had his surgery, I waited and waited anxiously for the bill. I was expecting a full amount on my deductible, shelling out $4000 for the procedure. Nothing came. Finally upon return from vacation, I noticed a bill from the hospital. After a rough trip back, that included being rear “bumped” by at least a nice person who was just an idiot and leaving my pump at the vacation place, I just knew that I was going to want to cry and curl up into the fetal position in sadness over this. My heart raced, and my head was pounding. I opened the bill, and exclaimed profanities. My husband, who had his eyes closed the entire time opened them with fear. The bill said “$330”. Done and done. We celebrated over our dodged bullet. It wasn’t an itemized bill, but I couldn’t imagine what else that would’ve been for.

In retrospect, that was probably a bill for either his catheter removal, or a removal of his dressings in an emergency, as babies plus medicines equal “blow outs” that end up in dressing and catheters. (The week after the surgery was a very rough one.) I say “in retrospect” because on Friday, I received another letter from the hospital. This one was a tad bit more than $300. This one was $1700. Still, we came in under my anticipated $4000 but it’s still a very large amount that seems impossible to pay. I’ll call and beg for a payment plan, and hope a miracle happens where I either sell $2000 worth of books or win that much in the lottery. Or just sign my life away and chalk it up to bad luck. Isn’t that all life is anyways? A series of unfortunate events and bad luck?

So for people who argue that there’s nothing wrong with healthcare, there is. When you pay $60 for one pill or have to pay separately for each letter in an abbreviation, you know there’s something wrong. I happy accept that my husband pays $600 a month for dental and health insurance so in the end, I can still shell out a total of $4000 a year. Is the problem with the insurance companies or is the problem that hospitals and doctor’s offices are run like business and not something that exists to help people? I’m not sure. The problem is bigger than us, and it’s bigger than whatever healthcare law they put into effect to help us. Or rather “help us”. Whether it be Romneycare or Obamacare or Socialistcare or whatever else it’s called, I want to know who is actually being helped by these programs. Because it certainly isn’t the average middle class person.

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Keeping the Dream Alive

Recently, I’ve gotten myself back into the swing of things with my writing. Lately I’ve been finding myself more focused on my blog or my Hubpages, since they are my sources of exposure for my e-books and I figure if I keep them up with whatever meager earnings I make then I’ll get by. Before going on vacation, I had nearly convinced myself that this was it. I was terrible at writing, I have no fans of my work. I wondered why I was bothering, why I was wasting my time. I had nearly given up, I had no will to keep trying. Maybe I was a failure that should throw in my towel and find something else. This was it.

The idea of quitting writing stirred up feelings similar to that of breaking up with a significant other that you want to spend forever with. There’s trepidation. You want to do it, but you think it’s better to cut ties quick before anyone gets hurt. It might not be the greatest thing for you. Not now. Not ever. It might never go anyplace, but you can’t decide if you want to try or quit while you’re ahead. Or quit before you get ahead so you don’t have to worry about it going downhill because you haven’t had a chance to really go uphill at all yet. Maybe this was all a waste of a time, but it really felt good while it lasted.

This brought about all sorts of self-doubt. What am I going to do with myself? I’ve wanted to write since I was in the  3rd grade. I spent my life dreaming about that moment when I could go on a book tour and see people who enjoyed my writing, with maybe even a few people being touched by it. Writing was mostly for me; but it would feel good to have someone be changed for the better or to know that maybe they weren’t alone in how they felt all along. For me, writing was more than that though. It was my best friend when I didn’t have any. It was my best friend throughout my life. My writing was the only thing I could really ever count on. I could pretend I was popular or even remotely liked. I could pretend that maybe for one day, I had someone other than myself or my thoughts. My writing calmed me; it kept me sane when I would otherwise had gone crazy. I needed it. I need it. If I couldn’t write or if I didn’t write, I wouldn’t feel like me. I wouldn’t feel whole, and I would feel very much alone in this crazy place.

I wish I could say I prayed on this matter, but I’ve never much believed in the power of prayer. I did think about this. I thought about what I would be without my writing, if I just up and put up the white flag after all. I was reminded of how upset I was when someone said that being a stay at home mom took away a mother’s identity. It doesn’t. But if I quit doing this, I would lose my identity and I’m sure of that. With that in mind, I decided I wasn’t going to give up. If nothing else, I know I need to keep the dream alive for myself. This renewed energy pushed me, and I will keep pushing on. I just need to buckle down and stick to my guns. I can do this. I will do this. I won’t fail my writing like it hasn’t failed me.

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The Overly Social Media

I sit on Facebook a lot. I do it a lot mostly because staying home all the time with the kids makes me feel a bit disconnected from people. Unfortunately Facebook mostly fills up a void, and I didn’t understand what that void was. Then I figured it out: as much as we all love to think we’ve grown out of high school mentalities, a lot of people haven’t. Facebook is like watching and being a part of all that drama you actually don’t miss being a part of in high school. You get to sit back and enjoy watching people think they’ve changed from high school. Most of the time, they’re right. Sadly, most of the time they are also very wrong.

You have people with fancy jobs, that still have their heads in the bickering high school games. You have people that just haven’t outgrown this child mentality that think the world is out to get them or that the world is there to be at their every whim. Some people don’t feel like growing up, so they just act like spoiled or rebellious teenagers, and we get to sit back and watch them do it where everyone can see. At least that’s the upside of Facebook, you can’t really hide what you are because we live in a world where people report back everything they eat, with pictures included. You can tell a lot about a person by their social media, and not just because of what they post. You can tell someone who doesn’t use their real name has something to hide or doesn’t want to be found. You can tell when people whine about asinine details of their life, they want the attention for it. You can tell the way people word things that they really just want to start the drama and watch it unfold. And you can tell when people just want to “troll” other people.

I enjoy the free entertainment. I enjoy watching people act on Facebook, not because they are particularly entertaining, but because of how they act. I enjoy watching people post things out of anger that really shouldn’t be posted because it doesn’t teach me that I don’t want to cross that person, it teaches me I’m not sure why I’m friends with them. I follow them anyways though, because I don’t want to be that person that deletes someone from their Facebook and have angry messages thrown at me about how I’m a little bitch. Don’t worry, I know I am.

I’ll still read Facebook obsessively, and check in on Twitter all the time. I enjoy the non-interaction because it satisfies that social need I have without actually having to socialize. I’ll enjoy posting pictures of my loved ones as I currently do because I have loved ones that I don’t see all the time that wants to see my family grow. I’d say “Stay Classy” in my best failed Ron Burgundy voice, but this is social media and that might be asking for too much. So, I’ll say “you go on goin’ on”.

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All Aboard the Gravy Train

I’m back from my summer vacation, and ready to go. The sun agrees with my hair, giving me nice natural red highlights and reinvigorating my thoughts to get back into things.

Today, I predicted a Republican president will be elected in 2016. I’m on the fence as to whether Senate will fall that way in 2014, but honestly I could see that as a very real scenario. I’m not sure if this prospect scares me or if I’m ok with it in the long run. I suppose that depends on the particular Republican or Republicans that get voted in. But I definitely see it occurring.

With a Republican, the budget might get back on track. Why? One reason is they’ll end this gravy train people are riding on. With outrage growing on all the conservative media about how much welfare fraud that exists, any reasonable person that acknowledges the problem won’t sit back and allow it. Fox News, for instance, should change its slogan from “Fair and Balanced” to “A Hand-up, Not a Hand Out” because they ram that catchphrase down your throat. And you know what? They’re right.

It’s not entirely the fault of the people who take advantage of this system that was put into place to allow people to get help when they work hard and still fall short. The loopholes that exist so people can take advantage of said system because work is “too hard” are to blame and make those people who need the help feel like they are being attacked because they need it, if they’re lucky enough to get the help as is with money being given to the “loopholes” and not the “help outs”. It’s terrible when I wait for a hospital bill that’s probably going to hit me hard, and my first thought is “my husband should quit his job, because we’d be better off that way”. And the real sin of it all? That statement is absolutely true. It’s estimated that in America, 40 states get more than minimum wage in money. In Massachusetts, it’s estimated that a person on welfare makes the equivalent of $14.66 an hour. (In Hawaii, they do much better. They get around $17.55 an hour.)  What’s the incentive to do something with your life if you make nearly double minimum wage to sit around and do nothing for it? I know some people who work hard and get help because going to school and working full-time doesn’t always pay the bills, especially if you only make $8 an hour. This isn’t to take away something that people need, this is to make a realization that something needs to change before everyone decides getting a job isn’t worth it.

That is why a Republican will win. They already care more about business than actual people, so cracking down on broken systems mean nothing to them but cutting the fat like laying off people so they can keep their pockets lined with profits. If that lined pocket is America and is going back into Social Security and Medicare or some other program that there’s a need for,  I can’t say I have too much of a problem with that. The easiest way to do that is to not necessarily raise taxes, just the number of people paying them. And to do that, they need to make getting a job and working hard more profitable to the people than not working.

This scenario isn’t all a peachy one though, as for a group that touts such anger in our civil liberties being stolen from us, they are willing to take the ones they want to take away from us too as we can see most recently in Texas. We can choose guns to kill people with, but abortion is bad because it kills. Pro-life only applies to a fetus, but death penalty for all because we can pick and choose whether we believe only God can decide matters of life and death. People should get married unless you’re gay, in which case there’s a closet waiting for you. Those are the costs people are going to be willing to pay to see real change in the financial direction of America. I don’t understand why we have to make that choice? Can’t we get real reform and the ability to keep people’s private lives private and their own business?

People say this was how Obama “bought” the election,  but I don’t buy it. If people don’t want to interfere their busy days of video games and television to work, do you really think they’re going to remember or even care to go out and vote? He won because people were terrified of losing rights to choose in their private lives and I’m certain that’s absolutely true. I bet we would have lost our private rights while listening to those poor NRA guys complaining about their precious arsenal. Complain about it with an internal ultrasound and see how you feel about your rights. If the Republicans want to win, they have to decide to leave the matters of the bedroom and women’s bodies out of the discussion and stick to the real reform they tell us they want to make. They can fix the budget without trying to reverse Roe vs. Wade or ban marriage equality. Unless they do that, I don’t see how they can win in the future.

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Write For It

I sit at my computer often, and stare at a blank screen. Before the baby, I would spend hours in this state and end up eventually with my head on they keyboard in frustration. My iHome sits on a higher part of my desk, just behind the monitor. I enjoy the music and pretending I’m accomplishing something more than invisible words. I can hope that one of those times, I’ll sit and something or anything will appear on that screen. Most days it doesn’t, but sometimes I get lucky and words won’t stop flowing from my fingers hitting the keys. Those are good days for me.

Every writer has those moments; the ones where they go days, months or even years where something didn’t happen. We see it with the “Songs of Ice and Fire” series where many wonder if it will ever be finished. I hold out hope. I sympathize with George R.R. Martin in this aspect. Any writer sympathizes with the will to do so much and having writer’s block while trying to do everything. Anyone in a profession who finds themselves in a rut they can’t seem to shake can sympathize with this. The only difference is I still haven’t quite broken through enough to call this a profession, though my husband insists I can call myself a writer with confidence because that’s my skill and it makes me happy.

I have hope that my break will come, eventually. J.K. Rowling was in her 30’s when she became successful. I have a half year until I hit my 30’s. Is that when I should give it up? Should I even have a timeline for it? Many writers don’t become successful until later in life, right? I can keep telling myself to make myself feel better and make me feel confident enough to keep pushing through. I can do this and I will do this. Dreams were meant to be aimed for and tried until you can’t try anymore. And that’s what I’ll do.

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This Week’s Collective Musings.

When all else fails on a day when I can’t think of anything else to post about, I’m glad I can fall back on random thoughts from the week.  So here we are.

  • Anthony Weiner reminds me of Beavis from “Beavis and Butt-head”. I know this is an insult to my beloved 90’s cartoon character but I couldn’t help it. I keep expecting him to come out with his shirt over his head shrieking “Cornholio!” Seriously, look at him, especially from the side. The resemblance is uncanny. Except he gets more from the ladies than Beavis did. But Beavis is far cooler. Beavis for Mayor! Also he’s a politician, not a priest. Have we not learned anything from Clinton? Being a philandering jackass doesn’t mean he’s a terrible politician.
  • Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday.  I considered what to get him, but I decided I already do his laundry, cook for him, and gave him 2 sons so he shouldn’t be greedy.  I kid.  I’ll probably make him his favorite “Reese’s” cake. Maybe, we’ll see how tired I am. If not, I’ll pretend it’s not his birthday. He’s forgetful he might not even remember anyways.
  • Ariel Castro should get shiv’ed in prison for it because as happy as I am those women won’t have to sit through a trial, he is a rabid dog that needs to be put down in the most gruesome manner possible. I don’t think he’ll last long in prison anyways, so he should’ve just taken the death penalty. I have a feeling his roommates might not appreciate the type of person he is

Now, let’s try to post this again with it being the complete post. (Sorry about the mishap earlier.) Have a great weekend and Happy Birthday to the best husband and father in the world. I’ll make sure the baby saves a nice load for you.

 

 

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The “Sorry I’m Late” Edition

Sorry I’m late today. I give myself until 3 to post, otherwise I go into “screw it” mode and get on with my day. I would’ve posted sooner, but I was waiting so anxiously for the name of the new prince as I had money riding on it. I didn’t win the bet, as I was pulling for a Spencer to be somewhere in the child’s names. C’est la vie. On that same note, “take that!” to everyone who gawked at my naming my baby George, I was apparently setting a trend without realizing it and now the most awaited and beloved heir to the throne shares his name. I was just a little ahead of my time. I think George is a name that’s going to make a comeback now, and I’m happy to say “first!”.

It’s an “all apologies” post today. Why do we say sorry? Because we feel bad or are expected to. Is there an expectation for apologies? It is, even if there is no real reason to apologize. I don’t apologize to my husband unless I’ve actually done something wrong, as I don’t think I should just say “sorry” just because. Now, people are probably asking how do I intend to stay married with that attitude? The answers are simple: one, I won’t do anything wrong where I’d have to apologize; and two, because he knew what he was getting into when he married me so if he suddenly doesn’t like it he shouldn’t have said “I do”. (I kid, we rarely fight enough to warrant anyone apologizing.)

With that said, there has been some heated debate on whether the very beloved Coach Belichick should apologize to Patriots fans everywhere and everyone else because he happened to coach a team where an alleged murder played for. Some people think that he should apologize, and I can’t say I’m one of them. He should apologize for being awful with the press, sure. He shouldn’t apologize because Hernandez murdered one or more people. Did Tomlin have to apologize when his quarterback may have sexual assaulted a woman? Did Harbaugh have to apologize when Ray Lewis was involved in a possible murder? Why do they get away with it and Belichick has to bow down and beg for forgiveness. Sure, he may or may not be an ass, but that’s his crime he should apologize for.

I don’t like it when people fake apologies. I think he did the right thing by extending his condolences to the family of the deceased, but he shouldn’t have to go much further than that barring even donations to whatever fund will no doubt be created in Lloyd’s honor. So let Hernandez go to jail for what he did and make him apologize for his sins and make him suffer if he refuses. /endrant

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It’s Coming!

I can hardly contain my excitement: the royal baby is coming! The news makes me so warm and fuzzy on the inside. This was amazing to wake up to.  I couldn’t think of better and more interesting news to see when I first opened up my lovely Firefox window and it was plastered everywhere! It’s not everyday someone gives birth you know, especially not a royal heir to the throne! Get on the celebration throne, kiddos. The Duchess is having, and this is solely my prediction, a royal Highness! Though I’m upset she only traveled to the hospital by car. Someone of this importance should have done something awesome like helicoptering in. That would’ve been awesome.

Over the top with the sarcasm? Probably. The media has been sitting outside of a hospital for weeks now for this event. I’m not sure if that’s great journalism or extreme obsession. I feel sorry for her having to worry about glorified paparazzi sitting outside of her hospital while she’s in labor. Though I stop feeling so bad when I remember that the baby will be born royalty and they are filthy rich.
But you do have to sympathize with her. We all worry about whether we should get an epidural or the breastfeeding debate. She has to worry about it and how the whole world watching will judge her decisions with the same level of critique as they discuss her wardrobe. Even worse, those crazy people who belittle people who dare feed their babies formula will expect her to use this as a platform for their agenda.

I do wish her luck and happiness, as children are always a blessing and she seems to be genuine and down to earth. I just feel bad that she can’t enjoy this moment without having to worry about press releases and over-zealous media hoping for their first shot of her and the baby. I hope that child gets a little more freedom away from cameras than American celebrity babies get. I also hope I can enjoy a “Royalty” free life for at least a little while. There was a reason for the Revolutionary War.

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This Week’s Happenings

There was a few items in the news that I didn’t have the will or ability to focus an entire blog edition on. So like usual, I compiled them for one post of its own. They aren’t important news tidbits, mostly random discussions on Pop Culture related topics. Enjoy this week’s happenings.

  1. The Death of “Glee”. With the death of the real life “Finn Hudson” Cory Monteith, I wonder what’s left in “Glee” for me. I enjoyed the show, because the lovingly dubbed “Frankenteen” was adorably dumb and bumbling and I really enjoyed him and Rachel. I don’t mourn his death, and that’s probably terrible. I feel bad for his loved ones, but I didn’t know him as more than a character on a television show. Most people would take this moment to go on a debate about drugs and whether or not you feel bad if an addict OD’s, but that’s not what this is about. I think “Glee” should consider the possibility of killing Finn off in the same manner to use it as a teachable lesson, though most people might think that this means they are profiting of the death of a main character. They would be silly, because they show is already going to profit off of the death with those people who love the macabre that will watch the show to see what the writers do about this. Also, I have no reason to watch this show since both Finn and Britney are gone and those were the only real reasons to watch the show without Shue or Emma being main characters. Half the fun was also all the hair and sweater/sweater vest jokes that Sue would toss towards Shuester, so I’m pretty much done with that show.
  2. Royal Baby Mania. I don’t get it. Okay, I sort of get it. Kate Middleton is a smiley, lovable ball of commoner turned royal. She’s the epitome of the tales we grew up with. She’s Cinderella, well, if Cinderella were rich before finding Prince Charming and marrying him. She’s down to earth and seems to genuinely care about people. I admire her as a human being, but I can’t say I want an app on my phone to let me know that the royal heir is born. I don’t follow her wardrobe though I admit seeing pictures of some of her outfits sometimes and think “I wish I could afford that”. Maybe I’m missing the allure of this love of the Royals.
  3. “The Purge”. I’ve seen this movie recently and it was a decent movie, not great but decent. I admit that I definitely thought about the premise and considered my own “purge” list. No actual person I know, but I’ll share the list: Justin Beiber, the people responsible for the reason why TV shows and commercials have such a volume difference, and whomever made the decision for Entemann’s to stop making that delicious blueberry coffee cakes.

Enjoy this terrible heat and weekend.