I can’t seem to shake the theme of conflicting beliefs that people have. People stand around preaching tolerance, but only with people who agree with them. People make bold statements of absolution, unwavering to any reason or arguments that may help them consider that they might be wrong. It’s this same unwavering absolution that has created the mockery of government that exists in America today.
So let’s talk about marriage then. Marriage is a union between two people who are in love and want to spend forever (or until they can’t stand each other anymore) together. They would like to tell you that this is a religious union, blessed by God and so on. They’re lying to you. Marriage is really a legally binding contract between two people who either love each other enough to be married for a certain amount of time or until each party gets what they want out of the deal until which case they either die married or go to lawyers to undo the union. I usually express disdain for marriage, as part of it brings out the inner feminist in me but mostly because for such a right we have, they make sure to tell people who they can marry all the time. I accept this fact. I even admit frequently that I would’ve stayed forever engaged to my husband if it weren’t for the fact he had great insurance and we were paying double the insurance for each of us individually. But again, this shows the legally binding contract between two people.
Which brings me to the point. States are considering a law requiring couples to take classes about marriage before allowing them to get marriage licenses. Before, people were required to take blood tests to get married. There are people against this, on the argument that marriage is a right we all have and the government has no right in this realm. These same people also argue against gay marriage on the grounds of religious and moral beliefs. If the government has no say, how come you need them for a marriage license and to dissolve the marriage?
I’m okay with this. Too many people go into marriage and expect it to magically work without any effort. They assume a partnership is a partnership and everything will be okay. Marriage takes work, some more than others. I also think making people get a parenting license before procreation is a great idea because of how many terrible parents out there, so maybe I’m skewed. The reality is there is a high divorce rate and that needs to be addressed somehow. I’m not opposed to divorce. I’m not going to say that divorce ruins children’s lives or that children that grow up in single family homes are screwed for life, because I don’t believe that. The arguing of parents are more harmful than a divorce, in my opinion. One major reason reason for divorce, after money, is conflicting beliefs that couples don’t think matter until after the fact or children are in the picture. Maybe classes before marriage isn’t a bad idea.
Tag Archives: Miscellaneous
Beliefs for All
Today is Martin Luther King Day. This was a man who was strong in his convictions and had beliefs that helped change America today. My post today has nothing to do with this. In fact, when inspiration hit me I didn’t even consider what today was. This post may seem a bit contradictory at times, but I’ll risk it anyways and hope that it makes sense. When I was younger and attending religious classes to make my Confirmation, I was put in a place of personal moral dilemmas. They were telling me about how homosexuality was a sin, but I didn’t believe it. They couldn’t tell me that God was infallible but yet made a mistake in people I believed he created. Now, I tell my son who is attending religious classes that being a good Catholic means two things: question everything and only God is allowed to pass judgement. It isn’t our place. Luckily, he listened.
We all have different beliefs. If we didn’t, this world would be such a boring place. Our beliefs is what makes us do what we do. One of our biggest problems in America is also our best asset and it’s all about beliefs. Our country was founded on a belief of freedoms to be who we are without the government persecuting us. So you might ask, “I agree that our biggest asset is that we believe, but how is this our downfall?” I’ll tell you why. Because we live in a place of intolerance of people who don’t share our beliefs. Because we live in a place where laws are made based on beliefs that can seem to oppress people. This is where beliefs are a downfall.
I believe that your beliefs shouldn’t dictate my life. I might not agree with people posting sonogram pictures or bath pictures on social media. I believe these are personal and private and the latter is fodder for pedophiles. This doesn’t mean I have a right to tell you that you’re wrong and shouldn’t do it. The great thing about America is we can disagree and it’s okay with us. It’s not our place to judge. My beliefs shouldn’t dictate how you live your life.
This is where the post might become a little contradictory. I believe we have freedoms. I believe that people should be treated as people, no matter how they look or love. I believe what a person does with their body is their own business. Should what I believe be common beliefs? Maybe, but it’s not. We have freedoms though. And amongst those freedoms is that all people have certain unalienable rights and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It doesn’t say, “except if you’re gay or a minority” at the end of that. So where does a belief have the exception to become a law over someone else’s beliefs? When you consider these unalienable rights that were written by those brave men that created our government because they wanted a place that was better than the state of oppressions they lived in before. They wanted better for us as we want better for our generations to come.
We do pick and chose what beliefs lead to laws in America. I think what makes this right or wrong is what was written in those documents we love to think we follow. We don’t. They would probably spin in their graves if they saw the state of oppression that we currently live. They wanted a land where religion wasn’t a cause to oppress another. They wanted us to be free people. They wanted a place where the government stayed small and not small enough to fit in our bedrooms or female reproductive systems. They wanted people who obeyed the law to live free without worrying about someone coming after them. They wanted a land where people could have a better life. And we have lost that somewhere along the way.
Learning about Boundaries
I remember in grade school how we had to learn about “personal space”. This was demonstrated to us by making us hold our arms in front of us, like we were zombies and walking to make sure that we didn’t touch the person in front of us. We had to hold out our hands when we sat down. A stiff punishment of a recess detention would be doled out if we crossed into someone else’s space. This naturally caused us to go into “I’m not touching you” mode. We did learn boundaries of staying where we belong and don’t belong. No freedoms were impeded on.
In Massachusetts, the Supreme Court is looking at whether this law that places protest free zones around the entrances to abortion clinics. Now as someone who sees these “buffer zone” markings often by my son’s specialist, I can say that it blocks off areas around the entrance to the parking lots into clinics that performs abortions so people can freely get in and out of these parking lots without being blocked by people with signs. It also makes it so people like me can get to the medical office building behind the clinic without having these people with signs harassing me. They have all this space outside of those spots to march and protest. And there is a lot of space.
I’m for your right to protest. You should be able to take a stand against whatever you want. This does not mean my right to protest takes priority over your right to seek medical treatment or anything legal you want to do to your body. News flash: the buildings with clinics in it also have other medical offices in there. Also another news flash, sometimes people go to the clinic for birth control or OB/GYN checks though I’m not sure the exact statistics because I believe that it’s none of my damn business why they are there. Final news flash: abortion is legal and if someone is going to do it, your graphic signs and religious rhetoric are not going to stop them any more than gun control prevents gang members from shooting up school buses.
I wonder how they would feel if people were just outside their private residences to protest. Obviously, not on their property but just at the end of their driveways in the public street. Or what if I went to a church and started a protest blocking their entrance into mass? Would they say “okay, it’s your right to protest wherever you want so have at it guys, we’ll work around you. God bless!” No, they would be pissed that I’m interfering in their business.
I wish I had a larger following. I would call for these sort of protest because I’m all for seeing social theory play out. I like watching hypocrisy try to rationalize itself. I’m interested to see the results of these actions and how the various media outlets report it. I think we should test this theory. See how that affects this law and how the people opposed to it react.
What’s in a Number?
Numbers don’t scare me. My weight doesn’t scare me. My pant size doesn’t scare me. Age doesn’t scare me. When I was in high school, I admit that I had thought that the minute you cross the 20’s threshold that something automatically changes. You suddenly have wrinkles, a sort of newfound wisdom and you miraculously turn into a mature adult. Numbers scared me back then.
Maybe it’s the fact that after having two boys that nothing is really too scary after that, except having two girls. 30 didn’t scare me. In fact when I woke up this morning, crossing that 20’s threshold into my 30’s nothing changed. I was still me. I had already matured as every parent should when they first have children. I looked in the mirror, and nothing changed. All that is different today is that I’m 30, and that is all.
I didn’t shudder at the thought of turning 30. The fear people have isn’t the number, it’s the uncertainty of what that number means. It’s the reality that we’re not teenagers that can do whatever we want whenever we want to. We have responsibilities. We now should be grown up enough to realize the world isn’t going to hand you everything like you’re a doe eyed teenager. It’s time to face the music that we are adults that have bills to pay and are responsible for our families.
30 isn’t the end of your life or youth. I don’t feel old and I certainly have a lot of life to live. In fact, now that I’m settled down with my husband and children, I can save money because our perfect date night means being at home with each other and our children. I don’t need to bar hop to have fun. A girl’s night out with my lovely ladies doesn’t mean getting smashed and dancing with strange men. I would dare say that even though I’ve only been 30 for a few hours that it’s actually pretty awesome in comparison to my 20’s. So to my female readers, turning 30 is ok. We’ve experienced much worse.
A Healthy New You For the Brand New Year
Every January, the gym fills up and annoys the usual crowd there. They’re used to finding parking and their choice of equipment. These limited run “resolutioner” that last a whole month or two disrupts this routine. Luckily I work out at home because I like the peace of exercising in solitude. The added bonus of hearing my children laughing while they get man time with their father just makes me happy.
There are a ton of blogs capitalizing on those people, giving informed tips on weight loss and lifestyle changes. Not to take anything away from people who do that out of the kindness of their hearts. I have none of that, only my own personal dealings with the struggle of weight loss and lifestyle changes. I was always skinny, until a time when I was just average thin. Then I became pregnant and saw the scale climb up to 200 lbs. At some point, I asked if I could face away from the scale because I didn’t want to see the numbers. The only advice I can give is find something you like and can stick with. Nothing else will work.
Now I am 60 lbs lighter. I didn’t do it because I didn’t love myself the way I was. I might have hated the number on the scale, but I didn’t hate myself. I didn’t do it because I wanted to make my husband happy, he loved me no matter what. I did it because I love myself and my family and I wanted to be healthy to watch them grow up and see my grandchildren. I did it because I wanted to teach my children the importance of living a healthy lifestyle of eating right and exercise. I did it to have more energy chasing my toddler around. If you want a healthier life, you need to make the necessary changes in your life to make yourself physically and mentally healthy.
There’s an important distinction here. Loving yourself as you are and changing for your health are not conflicting ideals. Lying to yourself and preaching self-love while picking yourself apart in the mirror isn’t true love of who you are. I’m not losing weight because I want to fit in some mold society has set for me as a female; those social norms were never my style. I bow down to no one. No one dictates what I look like or do. You don’t have to look like a supermodel. You can be chubby, as long as you’re healthy. Curves are average people. It’s more important than trying to look like . It’s your health. It’s more than a number on a scale or what size jeans you wear.
Always Taking the Path to Minimalism
Some people are okay with the easy way. Some people are okay with mediocrity, especially if it means they don’t have to do anything for it. I am not this type of person. Do you know how hard it is to write a blog on your phone while chasing down a toddler who is apparently on a mission to destroy the Christmas tree? I’ll give you a hint: it’s infuriating.
There are many times I want to say “screw it”. I want to tell Tom to quit his job and we can live happily ever after in less than ideal conditions on the government dime because they seem to live better than the hardworking people who live according to each paycheck. They are fleeting thoughts though, because my first thought is my children and the lessons they would learn from that. And I remember why I don’t give up: because they deserve better and that is more important to me than anything else. So my husband works away and I make sure the paychecks stretch as far ad possible.
Working a minimum wage job, which it seems the only one I can get at the time being would eat up my entire paycheck for daycare. That is, unless the wage gets raised up to $15 an hour. I’d flip burgers for that in a heart beat. Do I think that’s way too high to raise it? Sure I do. But, I’ve considered a few things.
People like the easy way out, so a job of ease like that, would keep a person employed. And an employed person making more money is less likely to need government assistance. Secondly, some people take whatever jobs they can get, and they should not be forced to feel ashamed if a minimum wage job at McDonald’s is the best they can do for their families. In fact, they should be applauded for their hard work instead of shamed. More people should be like that. And lastly at that rate of money, it will no longer be more beneficial to live off the government than to be gainfully employed so maybe that will get people actually working, than being paid from hard-working lower middle class people’s paychecks to sit around and play Call of Duty Ghosts on that PS4 you bought that most people couldn’t afford on your nicer furniture than the second-hand ones they have to live with. Run on sentence rant, ended.
On the news, I heard Herman Cain say, essentially, “if you work hard, you’ll get raises anyways after 6 months”. In the real world, does that really happen though? In my experience it never happens that way. Maybe every few years you get an extra $50 a check… the real world is not the same place those cushy pundits that talk about the middle class lives. Nothing infuriates me more than someone in designer clothes wearing Louboutin shoes, telling me how I feel about something. They don’t know how I feel about anything, and they shouldn’t presume that they do and pretend to speak for us.
So, do I think minimum wage should be raised? Sure. Do I think $15 is too much? Maybe. I’m not an economist, but I would love to read the math and theory behind how $15 for minimum wage version the money being paid into government assistance and how much money is saved from the government, thus being saved by the tax payers. It might not even be cost-effective, I would just love to see the independently done math to make an educated decision either way. And don’t feel ashamed of your job, whatever it is. I commend you for your strive and other people should too.
What is “News”?
In reading through the news for something that would inspire a post, I stopped. It started with a nice story of a child who died of cancer and received a full police funeral, usually only reserved for people who had served on the police force. It was a nice story, and I left it alone. There was nothing to say about that story other that very positive things that had already been said. Then I read over the “headlines” on the Google news feed, and I see this: “New York City”, “Detroit”, “Maui”. Okay, obvious news stories there.
Then I see “Chimpanzees”. Okay, I’m interested Google. I will read this for article. My husband loves watching shoes with chimpanzees and anything else monkey, so we’ll see what this says. “NY Lawsuit seeks ‘Personhood’ for Chimpanzee”. I lied, I won’t read that article, that is ridiculous. My dogs act like people sometimes and I would never consider them anything but dogs that eat their own poop and spend all day sleeping and licking themselves. At the end of the day, a chimpanzee is still an ugly hairy chimpanzee that throws poop. That headline was a waste of time.
But then, at the bottom of the list I see: “Kim Kardashian” and “Tom Daley”. I didn’t even bother reading about the Kardashian because I figure slowly people will stop caring and she will fade into an oblivion that is the tape she was in that started this insanity with her. The “Tom Daley” category sounded interesting, he’s an Olympic guy so what happened? Did he hurt himself? Did he also die in some freak accident related to what he’s most famous for? Ooooh, maybe he’s a new guy to see in those Subway commercials? You might have redeemed yourself, Google. I appreciate this. I read it with anticipation, this was going to be interested at least. Right? I’m on this. “Tom Daley is dating a man”. Officially disappointed in you, Google. You were better than this… weren’t you?
The point? What is “news”? Is a famous person coming out of the closet news? No, I don’t think so. It’s great for younger people who need someone to look up to that they can relate to so they know that it is okay to be out and proud of who they are. But this isn’t news. I think that all people are people, and I don’t care if they are gay or straight and it isn’t my business whether or not they are. And anything Kardashian related is also new. I get peed on too (Hazards of baby boys), but you don’t see me milking it for an obscene amount of money. Though, she has inspired me that maybe I should. Where the discussions of injustices happening? I care more about Government reform, the budget, why politicians are more concerned about party lines than the people that put them into office. These things should be in the news. When the Supreme Court listens to the Hobby Lobby case, I want full coverage on that. These are things I think are news. Maybe I am old fashioned, also every time I walk by Hobby Lobby I can’t bring myself to go in. A.C. Moore for life here… plus I don’t like the idea of a craft store that only wants to cater to one type of people. I want news. I want unbiased, old school journalism news where we don’t care that Michelle Obama wears clothes from Target. I don’t mind reading the fluff stuff, but I want some substance too. Just because I enjoy the mindless reading of Cosmopolitan, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my classic literature. But I would rather the substance than the mindless crap they try to pass off as actual news.
The High of Accomplishing Goals
I have said this before: I get more of a high off of when I accomplish a goal than anything else. It reinvigorates me. It makes me feel amazing. It sets you up to accomplish an even better goal. You aim for something that does not seem achievement and them BAM! You do it. You win at your own personal battle. That is an amazing feeling. I never stop setting goals for myself. I want to aim higher. I want to be better. I feel sorry for people who accept things the way they are without wanting to attempt more. I feel sorry for people that accept the lowest possible way of life because it is easier. I don’t like easy, easy is boring. And I settle for nothing, because settling is something people who are cowards or lazy accept as perfectly fine. I am not fine with that.
I completed the NaNoWriMo goal, with a day to spare. It was a long and exciting journey that I would have probably done sooner if I took advantage of my office type app on my phone sooner, to write as I chased around my toddler. The final week, that was how how I achieved a rate of 4,000 words a day. It was hilarious typing furiously on a phone as I chased down the baby, but I did it. Moms are master multi-taskers you know. I hit a wall, I thought the story was written 4 days left and only 36,000 words. Finally I was able to move the story further and with 2 days left, I had thought I had stalled with a mere 10,000 words left. I went back and realized that there was more story to fit in between, and in 4 hours, the 10,000 words were completed and I had hit my 50,000 goal with a day to spare. It was a long and emotionally draining journey that led me to success. I did it. It was definitely a great feeling after how much I colossally failed at it last time I attempted it. I feel vindicated now, that I am good enough to do it. And when it is properly edited, it will be for sale on my Amazon Author page, with my other two books that you should definitely check out for $0.99. They are cheap, quick reads that I hope you will enjoy.
I am not content with that. First of all, my weight loss goal is still 6 lbs shy of my first goal, which is doing fantastically well. I am ahead of schedule on that, and every day I step on the scale, I get more motivated by this. My next goal is to start training for a marathon. I was considering starting that now, but went I stepped outside on my first day of the Couch to 5k app, the cold New England air stopped me before I even tried because I would have to run with a baby and it was way to cold for him. So when the weather warms up a little and I can find a cheap enough jogging stroller, I will start. By then, if I continue on my 10 lbs a month weight loss pattern I am currently on, I should have a few less pounds to worry about during the training process and might be able to up my game. Unless I can find an indoor track that someone can use for free with a stroller, which I would consider that too.
The point is this: we need goals in our lives to push us. We need this as people, and we especially need this as parents. We are influencing our children, and we want to show them that they can achieve whatever goals that they set out to, all it takes it hard work and determination. You would be doing a disservice to yourself and to your children to show them that accepting the lowest possible branch on a tree of possibilities is okay. I would even dare to say that if you think this is a great lesson to teach your children, that you should reconsider whether you actually wanted to be a parent. Parents should teach their children to earn better than what they have in life, because this is how children of poverty rise above and become successful. You can’t help push people out of poverty if they grow up thinking it is acceptable and something to be proud of. We want our children to be better than us, and to have better than us. That is what differentiates just a parent from a great parent. Help them set goals, and do whatever you can to help them achieve them by pushing them to work hard for it. Teach them how to do well and work for it. Because as someone who loves the feeling of accomplishing a goal I want everyone, and especially my children, to know what that feels like and hope that it is addictive enough to keep them pushing forward in life.
To The Most Important People in America
Normally, I don’t note holidays. Christmas is bleh. Thanksgiving was really a day we just gave small pox to Native Americans and plotted that we’d force some to live on reservations and feed the others a ton of cash by giving them casinos. Though, considering my oldest son’s birth, Thanksgiving is actually a dear holiday to me. (Also a note: this Thanksgiving is the first one where my son’s birthday actually falls on Thanksgiving since his birth.) However, every year there are two holidays I will always mention: Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day.
I come from a family of Veterans. Generations of my own family has served in various branches of the military, including my dear big brother, and my grandfather that is the namesake for my youngest son. My “married” family, brings me a father-in-law who has served, and a cousin who has made his family proud by graduating into the Marines. The people in the military hold a soft spot in my otherwise cold and sarcastic heart, as I know personally how it feels missing a family member who is abroad or somewhere else in the country. I’ve watched people who have known family members who gave their lives to protect us, and their sadness is beyond words.
These men and women are selfless and brave. They go into bad situations, knowing that they might not come home. And they go into it anyways, because it’s for the greater good. We should aspire to be as good as they are, because they are amazing. They are the heart of America. They are the reason we have what we have today. They fight evils so we don’t have to witness them for ourselves. They face things we couldn’t imagine seeing, so we don’t have to. They come home to families that wait for them with broken hearts hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Sometimes, they leave a piece of them in war. Sometimes they lose something of theirs, whether it’s their sanity or a body part. They go full force anyways, because that’s what they signed up for so we don’t have to. They deserve more than one day for what they do. Their families deserve more than a day for the sacrifices they also make. Our soldiers are the most important people in America because they make it safe for Americans.
They deserve more than that. They deserve everything we can give them, because they give us everything they have. They give up their families, they miss their children. Some miss the births of their babies, some miss graduations and school plays and big championship games their children play in. They give it all up because they feel there’s a bigger plan for them, and that is being America’s protectors. So I, for one, am eternally grateful to all those who has served in the past and currently serve now. You risk your lives for us and don’t expect anything in return. So thank you all.
Halloween Costumes, and You
I know Halloween was last week, but I couldn’t ignore recent events. I enjoy offensive jokes. I enjoy edging that line that Paul and Storm mentioned about how comedy is staying on the right side of tasteful and wrong. I enjoy watching movies and laughing saying “oh my god, that was so wrong it was right”. Maybe my sense of humor is all sorts of wrong, but I’m okay with that. But I have lines and limits, and I’m not sure if it’s age or maturity or a sense of what’s morally right and wrong. Though, admittedly that knowing that I’m doing something wrong is different from ignoring that. “Jesus why did you give me a conscience if I can’t use it to influence my actions?” from The Minor Leagues, Good Boys.
It makes me wonder when people don’t understand a line. When you dress up as a Boston Marathon bomber, or you and a friend dress up as the Twin Towers on 9/11, what in your head says “hey, that’s a great idea!”. Then when people point out how this is in poor taste, they get attacked. They are being offended for the sake of other people. They have no right to be upset if you’re not personally touched by it. They have no right to feel that this is a wrong thing to do, and the world is just too sensitive these days. I admit the world is over sensitive. That I can agree with. But I don’t think this is the reason they are over sensitive. I think being upset about this is perfectly acceptable and understandable. I think that I wish those people that think it’s a hilarious idea have to deal with the tragedy in their own lives. I think I wish they had a friend running in a marathon and lose their limbs or life, so they can tell me if we’re being “over sensitive” about this. In fact, I think they would’ve had it coming, and I don’t think I would feel bad for them at all. Karma, sir, is a bitch.
My husband was on Reddit, when those exact arguments were made to his offense over the costumes. He was a nice person, he didn’t wish what I wished on the people defending this. He fed the trolls with his kindness and compassion, and since the internet is full of “tough guys” that are, in the real world, losers that may or may not be virgins that are bullied themselves. Penny Arcade came up with this internet law: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19 . This is 100% true. I believe Reddit exemplifies this. Internet forums are the true underbelly of our society these days. And if you think your costume is witty or ironic, you’re probably a hipster or someone so desperate for attention that you don’t care how you get it. And I would feel sorry for you, if I didn’t think you deserved everything that comes next. I do lack empathy for stupidity as much as I lack empathy for laziness.
bluishoblivion 