Tag Archives: Writing

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But I’m Not Really a People Person

During the lockdown/quarantine of 2020, people started sharing memes like “Avoiding people? I’ve been preparing this moment my whole life!” Most people who I saw that shared it, I rolled my eyes. Fake introverts, I joked. Those are people who are always going out and engaging with people. Me? I really have been preparing for this my whole life. Why don’t I really go out on date nights? Because I’d much rather just stay at home with my family and dogs. I don’t mind just being alone with my dogs because I like my dogs more than I like most people. I have friends and family that I cherish, but I’m not someone who really enjoys being out where there are too many people. Maybe it’s the sensory overload that my youngest suffers from. Maybe it’s just extreme social anxiety. Who knows?

I have crafted my life around not being a people person. I work from home and only take jobs where I can just get emails to get my work and then just do my work and give it back to them. I don’t particularly enjoy engaging on the phone. The only engagement I really enjoy “work-wise” was streaming, which hopefully can start again after the kids ship off back to school. But that’s one-sided engagement. That’s engagement I initiate on my own terms. I’m not really a type-A personality. I float somewhere in the middle of the spectrum where I know when to take control and when to concede. Going out to the grocery store? Nightmare for me. People do stupid things and I roll my eyes or make snide commentary that my husband glares at me for. Not because he disagrees with what I said; but because some things are better left in the brain. Hilariously, my knack for just saying what people are thinking but don’t want to say is one of my biggest selling points in the relationship. He even shared with me a hilarious meme: “Quiet boys, why do you like the loud mouth women? Quiet boys: Because someone needs to tell the waitress I ordered mash potatoes and it’s not going to be me.” Him and my oldest son just looked at me like “Sound familiar?”

I do know restraint and can practice it like an art. I know how to put on a show of being a people person, being a charming and witty presence when I need to. It’s exhausting work pretending to tolerate people while you envision something happening to them, like punching them in the face. I even managed to not make fun of this person who was talking on his speaker phone at the grocery store so loudly that you could hear him across the store. That doesn’t mean I always care to do this. I cannot control my facial expressions, such as my eye roll of disdain or my eyebrows shooting up when I think someone is being ridiculous. At least when it comes to cold and flu season and I start sporting the masks again, I can help hide some of these tells.

Is my preference for isolation healthy? Probably not. I’m sure the couch therapists are reading this and have a thorough diagnosis of my mental health issues. But solitude gives me strength. Not having obligations outside of the house helped me to lose nearly 60 lbs. I was happier because I didn’t have to worry about my period problems affecting my schedule because I couldn’t go and do anything anyways. I socialized with my friends through texts, short meetings when one of my besties would drop off the school meals for me, and even a Zoom girls night. I enjoyed being selective in my activities. But I got to stay home with my boys and dogs and that was perfect for me. And I think that’s OK. I think pretending to be something that you’re not isn’t OK, especially when you do it just because of societal expectations. But I’m just going to be me, the person who thinks places are just “too people-y”. The selective recluse.

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The Role We Play Today

Originally I had this blog scheduled for today that I ultimately pulled last minute (which is why I’m late today). As a writer with an audience, I have to be selective about the hills that I want to die on. The original topic was a conversation inspired by an interesting discussion on the local forums about a hypothetical on a school committee member and if it would be acceptable for them to work at a dispensary in the city. This inspired me to discuss my own thoughts on legalizing drugs, which I’m aware is a very controversial stance. But was I passionate enough about the topic to eventually post it? Not passionate enough to potentially argue about it. I believe in my stance, but there are more interesting and important hills to die on, and I didn’t think that was the one.

But in pulling that post, it made me realize that people who have voices play a major role in the world today. An even bigger role in what I would argue has been the slow downfall of humanity. Fear mongering, misinformation, hate, partisanship. Fighting against those things are hills that I would die on over and over again because voices against these things should be enhanced.

There’s a reason why even though there are plenty of political memes that impact me, I don’t share them. Whether I laugh about it or it invokes thought, I leave it. It’s not because I wasn’t entertained. It wasn’t because it inspired me to research the topic and learn more about it, including whether or not it’s a full truth, a half-truth, or a not truth. That’s probably the most important part. Doing your own research rather than getting your news and outrage from memes. I don’t post them because I don’t want to feed into this culture of hate, fear mongering, partisanship, and misinformation. I want people to think for themselves rather than to go off in a world of false outrage. I don’t want to be a part of what’s destroying our culture.

People like Tucker Carlson and Rachel Maddow have made millions upon millions doing that. They make their voices the loudest to get people to blindly follow them without any regard for facts. And the worst part is: People do. People find it easier to just follow than question. They find it easier to just react rather than think. It’s just easier to blindly believe and follow every word of those people that we trust for information. That’s why journalism is nowhere near the prestigious path anymore. Because news organizations don’t care about facts. They know that we trust them for information and they take advantage of that. Whether it’s for profit or to spread their own belief systems like wildfire, we let them take advantage of us with their biased viewpoints. We eat that up with a dessert of cheeky memes that we agree with, sharing it with others to spread whatever propaganda we’re buying into. That’s the role that we play.

It’s time to change the role that we play in this cluster that we’re dealing with right now. Instead of accepting it, fight it. Instead of following blindly, question it. It’s easy to sit back and complain that the world is gone to crap, but it’s another thing to realize the role that we’re playing in this downfall.

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It’s Time to Celebrate

In a few short days, we will be coming together to celebrate the hard work of my oldest son. Graduating high school is a major milestone. It’s a massive achievement, especially with his courses to graduate with honors and considering the cluster that the past 2 years were. Graduating high school isn’t easy, especially when the world is stopped in the middle of a pandemic. It does make you pause and reflect on how far he’s come, from being the smallest kid in class to being at least sorta the same size as everyone else. Sorta.

That means it’s time to bring all of the family together to celebrate with him. To share your pride with them in that moment, while also praying that maybe this is the day the apartment people aren’t taking over your entire front of the house so that your guests at least have someplace to park. Not holding out hope though. Apparently they prefer walking halfway down the street rather than in their actual parking lot, choosing to take up every spot in front of our house and on some occasions, even our driveway. (Rant over.)

It’s stressful looking around the house and thinking “There’s no way to get everything done by the weekend while also working”, especially since my husband has been working overtime since last week and my youngest has decided this is the week for sporadic anxiety attacks to take up my time. That’s what you do as a a parent though. You suck it up and just drink more coffee as needed. You plan the menu, get to cleaning and cooking. I’m fortunate enough that I can easily bribe my nephews, one with just pizza and the other with pizza and the promise of sharing his aunt’s precious recipes. I like the company and I like that at least someone has an interest in learning the family recipes. My oldest son does sometimes, but his will to learn recipes is overcome by his love of gaming and streaming.

The most important piece of this puzzle isn’t the food that will be eaten or even the worries of parking or not having the house clean enough for guests. The most important piece is the people coming together to celebrate in this moment. A celebration we wouldn’t have been able to have a year ago. It’s the conversations that people are going to have while they are eating or just sharing their pride in my son’s accomplishments as well. It’s about family, both the ones of blood and the ones that you choose. These are those special moments that you’re going to remember more. I’ll occupy myself with cooking and serving guests, hoping that I don’t just start crying both of pride and of sadness that my oldest will be going away in a few short months.

He deserves this. He deserves the world and the world is now his to take on. He’s going to do great. He’s going to do great things. And I’m thankful for the tribe that helped along the way, ensuring that he was setup for success. He grew up knowing he was loved and supported every step of the way and that matters. That helped create the compassionate, narcissistic monster that we know today. (Kidding about the narcissism, mostly. Kid has an ego, for sure.)

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It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Hacked

My son has anxiety issues. His anxiety, while it has slowly started to get better, is still very much present in our lives. His triggers include any blemish on his body (anything that’s bleeding, a scrape, even a bruise), bad weather, loud noises, when something looks “not right”, and tech related issues which he then goes worst case scenario assuming he’s been hacked. Of all of his triggers, the most common and worst of them are cuts and tech related issues. It’s not easy trying to figure out ways to validate his feelings while also trying to calm him down and thinking about ways to prevent a future attack. Especially since sometimes these episodes can be hours long affairs.

I never compare parenting struggles, but honestly there’s nothing more trying of your patience. You need to remain calm as your child is pacing frantically around the room, practically hyperventilating as he goes through all of his thoughts out loud. It’s a helpless feeling knowing that whatever you could say can be misinterpreted and worsen the situation. Sometimes, maybe because I’m a bad mom, I just watch it unfold because I have no idea what to do otherwise and I’m afraid I’m going to start pacing around the room just as frantically because I don’t want to make matters worse and my heart hurts. Yesterday, my son woke up at 7 a.m. from a nightmare that he got hacked and the computer didn’t work anymore. I held him while he calmed down, knowing that when he has his nightmares, he just needs cuddles. But then every flicker or anytime the computer lagged for a minute, he just remembered his nightmare and starts pacing around the house in a panic that he’s just been hacked and what is he going to do and his email has something from Google about compromised passwords and what is he going to do and maybe he needs 2-step authentication or check to see if Linus Tech Tips can help but he can’t go near the computer because of the hack haunting him.

My husband is an IT god among men. Fortunately in his new position at work, he spends most of his time at his new desk. My son called him 4 times in a row before he received a tech answer that satisfied him and he was able to get over his episode. He was fine for the rest of the day and excited when Dad came home to talk to him all about what he learned about computers after they talked. He’s 8 and knows more about computers than most adults I know, myself included.

Every day is different. He could go several days without an episode. He can have an episode every day. He can have several moments in a day. You can’t avoid triggers, because you’re supposed to help him figure out ways of coping. Sometimes getting him to do his breathing exercises works. Sometimes you just put his noise-cancelling headphones on and he’s fine. I prepare him ahead of time that a storm is coming because if he hears the thunder, it’s game over immediately. At least if he knows it’s coming, he lasts until he sees heavy winds, then he starts pacing around frantically reminding himself that Mommy has a plan in case of a hurricane or tornado and she knows what to do to keep me safe and his brother is a certified lifeguard and has his first aid certifications so if something happens, he can help too. How when he gets any sort of cut or scrape he needs a bandage and how Mommy doesn’t understand that he needs a bandage because this scrape is the most important thing on his mind right now. You just let him have the bandage, even when you can’t see a mark.

You never truly know patience until you have to manage sensory disorders and anxiety and whatever other mental health condition can be thrown at you in the form of your children. It’s hard enough dealing with your own mental health issues, let alone also managing your child’s. You always have to walk a delicate line. You get judged or funny looks because your kid won’t go into the cafeteria with loud noises or won’t wear a Halloween costume to a school Halloween function for whatever reason he rationalized and you just go with it because all that matters is that they are happy and participating the best that they can. You treasure those good days more than you normally would because you know just how bad those bad days can be.

But the most important thing is that they know that you love them through it all. Even when they are thrashing around and keep hitting you during an anxiety attack. You just hug them harder. Even when their defiance seems unable to be overcome. Because when they are smiling at you, they smile bigger since they know that you were there for them when they weren’t behaving or acting out or having an anxiety attack. They know that you would fight all of those triggers if you could. You were patient with them, even when you think that you weren’t. You did enough for them when you thought it was impossible to help. They just want to know that you love them and that you are there for them no matter what. Even if you have to buy a 100 pack of bandages a week.

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As Pride Month Nears the End

As Pride Month nears the end, I couldn’t help but to consider something. What’s the big deal? What’s the big deal if a gay couple wants to get married? How does that impact YOUR life? No one is saying that you have to be gay and marry your partner; they are simply saying if you can marry the love of your life, why can’t we? It’s a fair argument. What’s the big deal if someone wants to be known as different pronouns or wants to dress a different way every day because they don’t conform to a gender identity? How does that impact your life? The answer is: it doesn’t.

I’ve always wondered, as any rational being would, why some people fight so hard for freedoms and complain about their freedoms being trounced on while they proceed to trounce on other people’s rights. Wearing a mask = muh freedoms! Gay marriage and trans rights being denied acceptance = my religious/moral beliefs are more important than the freedoms of my fellow Americans. It’s a self-centered view to have, if you really think about it. Which makes sense, because many people are only willing to fight if something directly impacts them. Or is told by propaganda media that something impacts them. Then, they will charge into a state or federal capitol building without an issue.

This Pride Month should celebrate how far we’ve come, but it disheartens me to say that I’m not sure we’ve really come as far as we should have. I’m fortunate enough that I live in a state where gay couples can get married and start families of their own through adoption. But not everyone is as fortunate. I wish my loved ones who are in the LGBTQ+ community could experience the life that they want to live, without fear of other people hating them, injuring them, or even killing them. I wish that at least 52 years past the Stonewall Riots that people could live their lives freely without memes mocking trans people for being “ugly wannabe girls” or at least get married without jumping through a million hoops. When I got married, I showed up to City Hall, got my marriage license to be signed by our JP, and called it a day. It’s not lost on me that even interracial marriage wasn’t even federally legal until 1967, and it saddens me that the road for the LGBTQ+ community is so long to get to equality.

We’re supposed to be kind and accepting of others. That’s what the Bible says, if you are religious. If not, aren’t we supposed to be fighting for all Americans to be able to achieve “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” as stated in the Declaration of Independence. You spend so much time saying being forced to wear masks infringes on your rights, but does it not infringe on the rights of others to not be able to marry the person that they love? It infringes on your rights to be forced to get the COVID-19 vaccine, but it’s okay that trans people are forced into identities because they have no legal protections otherwise? I’m not sure what the argument is here. Is it that the government must be small enough to fit into the bedroom? You can’t tell me what to do or what I can’t do or be, unless I’m different from “societal norms”, then infringing on one’s rights to live their lives is perfectly acceptable.

We’re not truly free if people keep telling us who’s allowed to have rights and who isn’t. Straight women have freedoms, as long as they don’t want abortions or birth control or equal pay. Straight white men can do whatever they want. Gay men can’t exist and trans people are just pedophiles in disguise waiting to assault our unattended children in bathrooms. Did I get all of that right? It’s confusing to me, so you have to bear with me.

The last paragraph was 90% sarcasm. Pretty much everything past “We’re not truly free if people keep telling us who’s allowed to have rights and who isn’t” was snide commentary, though not snide enough because the hypocrisy is so loud. I say that we just let people live their lives. How does them being happy impact you? You don’t have to change your life. You don’t even have to like it. You just have to accept that others have the right to be happy, and as long as they are consenting adults that are contributing to society in a positive way, what’s the big deal if they are LGBTQ+ or live some lifestyle that you wouldn’t live? Spoiler: it’s not a big deal. You just have to accept that they have the same freedoms that you have to be happy.

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When You Shake Off the Writer’s Block

My writing process is simple: I just write and keep writing until my brain stops working. That’s how I work. Then, I look back at what I managed to write and try to unwind it. Half the time I don’t even realize where a story is going before I finish. I don’t usually have some end game that came to me. I don’t reverse engineer my work, starting with the ending and working my way back to the beginning. Instead, I rely on my characters to tell me where they should be going. It’s probably not the best approach. Arguably, I’d probably be a more successful writer if that weren’t my approach, because if it did work I’d probably have sold more works. (Though, considering my inability to promote myself and such, making over $100 in total on my works isn’t actually that bad.)

We returned from our vacation on Sunday. I did read Seth Rogen’s “Yearbook”. It was fantastic. If you want to laugh and forget about your troubles for a bit, it’s definitely a great read. At the local bookstore in the Berkshires, I did manage to find a single copy of “Crying in H Mart” by Michelle Zauner. While I didn’t have the time to read the book in a day like I did “Yearbook” (I’m a very fast reader), I also definitely recommend “Crying in H Mart”. Being able to relax, take 2 very relaxing bubble baths, and just read was essential in getting the recharge that I needed to get back into things. Sure enough, a little before passing out at night, I sat down with my “Anything is Pawsable” notebook my husband bought me for inspiration and started to sketch out a character. Then, all of a sudden, words came to me. And I started to flood a few pages with excitement. I’m not good at much, but cooking and words are absolutely my strengths.

What is the story about? No clue. I have a main character named Elise. I have words that start a story, which I’m hoping will be part of a serial. But, I won’t know until I get in there. I can picture her. I know the basics of her situation. From there? I guess I’ll see where the story takes me.

What I like about this approach to writing is that it takes me on the same journey as the reader. I connect with the characters. I feel bad for their situation. I laugh at their jokes. I put so much of myself into these works that it’s like watching a child grow. You can only do so much to help, but eventually they are going to take the reigns and you are just along for the ride.

The only thing I know is that this is the first time that I was really able to write something outside of blogs or ghostwriting work. This was something that I think I’m going to love. This is a journey that I hope I can continue on. I guess we’ll see what happens.

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Go Take That Hard-Earned Vacation

It has been a long, terrible year for all of us. People barely left their house due to quarantining. Even if there wasn’t a mandate, I probably still would’ve stayed home as I would whenever it’s “sickness season”. I have a fairly weak immune system. An Irish immune system, if you will. Someone with a cold just looks at me and I’m down for a week. Being vaccinated has been freeing for someone like me because anything to reduce my chances of being sick makes me happy since I spend so much time being sick. Now that it’s safe to enjoy a weekend away, I’m going to enjoy that sweet sweet bubble bath and wine I have been dreaming of since the last time we went to this amazingly quaint hotel in the Berkshires. A place with a massive soaking tub, which I don’t get the benefit of at home.

Even though it’s not a flashy vacation spot, it’s my favorite place in the entire world. It’s peaceful and quiet. The beautiful mountain landscapes and quaint shops bring me such joy. It’s a place that puts me at ease. It’s a place where I can get away and really enjoy the moment. It will be the perfect place to refresh after this insane year that felt like it would never end. Even something as simple as enjoying a coffee (or wine. or both really) on the massive front porch of the main building seems like a dream. Everyone needs something like that right now. After months of juggling remote learning and trying to make things as fun as possible without really going anywhere. Without having the benefit of a babysitter to give you an hour of peace. It’s nice to be able to do something like this.

I’m going to go to a local bookstore and buy a new book or 3, which will definitely include Seth Rogen’s “Yearbook” and “Crying in H Mart”. I’m going to sit with my notebook and write or sketch. I’m going to make this the best 2 1/2 days that I have had in a long time. I’m going to make it productive creatively, to hopefully kickstart my brain into a new project or more. This quarantine has not been productive as far as my own work, because I’ve been compensating for losing so much paid work because the arts are expendable in times of crisis. My brain fog has been from spending so much time focused on using my creative power for other people’s projects that I haven’t been able to take the time for me. This weekend could very well be that time and I could not be happier for it.

Take a hard-earned vacation for yourself. Even if it’s going nowhere. Even if it’s camping in the backyard. (Just watch out for bears, if you do.) Just the change of scenery is going to work wonders for you. Sometimes it’s just good to put things on pause and refresh your brain. I’m not someone who should preach about self-care and the importance of that because I don’t usually prioritize myself on the regular. But every now and then, a nice, quiet weekend away to the mountains or the beach can be so satisfying.

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I’m Fairly Agile; I Can Bend and Not Break. Or I Can Break and Take it With a Smile.

This is the second time I’ve used lyrics from Dashboard Confessional for a title of a blog. There’s just something about their words that always seem to speak to me, offering me something that I relate to. It’s always great when you find that connection in words, whether it’s lyrics, blogs, or other pieces of art, because it gives you something that helps you feel less alone on whatever journey that you are going through. One of the things that have inspired me to become a writer is the understanding and awe of just how powerful words can really be. At some point, your words will hit someone in just the right moment and you can have a small but profound impact on their day or even their life. You can help them through that difficult time as a parent or know that grief and loss is something you can relate to. You can help them know that while the rest of the world wants to hate you for just being you, there’s at least some person who’s there on your side. Words matter.

I pride myself in the art of stoicism. That is something that has helped me be the reliable person that I am. I can, probably as unhealthy as it is, compartmentalize practically anything. This helps to separate any emotion out of decisions that I need to make in order to make the rational choice. Because at the end of the day, I will always do the rational thing. The right thing. Will I like it? Not always. Will I perform my duties as expected of me? Always. Grin and bear it. I will do as the the title of the post suggests: “I will bend and not break. Or I can break and take it with a smile.” Is that the healthiest approach in life? Probably not. But, I never once lied to my readers to convince them that I am always in a great mental state. In fact, if anything I’ve been completely honest in the fact that most days I barely have it together. That’s the reality that most people live in though. Just getting by.

Life isn’t pretty. It’s challenging. You’re not going to like everyone that you meet. That’s okay. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to think like you. Something that you see as perfectly reasonable or even something that you think is completely obvious, may not be so obvious to others. Everyone looks through life with a different lens. The problem is that you think you can just put on someone else’s lens and think you’re going to see things as clearly as they do. More often than not, you just get blurry vision and an awful headache for trying.

What’s the point of all of this? Maybe there isn’t one. Maybe I just wanted to let people know that it’s okay to break. Maybe I want people to know that it’s okay to bend. Some days you are going to have it and other days, you’re so far from having it that you’re locked in the bathroom eating Flamin’ Hot Doritos and rethinking your life choices. I just want you to know that it’s okay. Every day is a new day to try to pull your crap together and if you don’t, try again tomorrow. Even if you barely made it through the day, the good news is that you still made it. You survived whatever it was that tried to take you down. I think that’s the most important thing.

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Pride Month 2021

While I admittedly toe the line with my political ideals as an independent, one thing that you will never sell me on is discrimination of another human being. When it comes to social issues like LGBTQ+ rights, I will always be on the side of consenting adults doing whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. I believe people have the right to be happy and in love. They have the right to be married and enjoy the perks that come with that. People have the right to live their lives as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. Have a problem when a gay couple is holding hands? Don’t look. What they are doing has no impact on your life. Have a problem with them making out in public? I have an issue when straight couples do as well, and I just don’t look. My not wanting to see any couple of any orientation making out doesn’t mean that they don’t have the right to do it. Just do you. If people want to be called by specific pronouns, just do it. How does that have any effect on you? Spoiler: it doesn’t.

They will always have to fight just to get an inch while the “normal” people have miles ahead of them. They have to fight for the ability to love who they love. They have to fight to be who they want to be. Who cares if someone identifies as trans? Just let them live their lives to the fullest as you have the right to do. The Stonewall Riots took place back in 1969 and this group is still fighting to be recognized as human beings. To have the same rights that other people have. They just want to be happy and comfortable in their own skin. Why should they be ostracized for that? How is their right to happiness detrimental to you? I just don’t understand the problem. I don’t understand how religion can preach about love and honoring thy neighbor, except if your neighbor isn’t the same religion as you or if they have a different lifestyle than you. I spent a lot of time in CCD and I don’t remember any of my readings saying “Love all people… with the exception of….” I remember love thy neighbor. I remember how important it was to be a servant to the community and offer support and kindness to those who need it. Not those who need it except for ______. How can people be religious and believe that only God can truly judge, while taking it upon themselves to play God and judge and make laws that limit the rights of a group of people that are different than they are?

I know. I normally say that people should just live their lives and if it doesn’t impact other people, why does it matter? But it does matter when you work your entire platform to hate others. That does have an impact. Hate should never be acceptable. People have the right to religion, but not to push their religion on other people and make laws based on those beliefs. Especially when your religion is known for hiding pedophile priests who prey on boys while still saying homosexuality is a sin.

It makes me think that not too long ago I wouldn’t have been able to marry my husband because of laws based around hate. It was just in 1967 that interracial couples were legally allowed to marry according to federal law. Why is this any difference? Just because I am straight? Why does it matter who I love as long as we are consenting adults that love each other and are committed to each other?

The point of this is I am an ally. I will always be an ally. If someone needs a place to be who they are, they can share mine. I will always stand up for people having the right to live their life in a way that makes them happy as long as they aren’t hurting anyone and are consenting adults. We all have the right to be happy and live free and sexual identity or sexual orientation shouldn’t be the exception to that.

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There’s Something Special About Family Recipes

Over the weekend, I saw delicious strawberries at the grocery store. It inspired me to make a family favorite dessert for my boys, that we haven’t enjoyed in a few years: strawberry shortcake. Instead of my homemade biscuits, I grabbed some angel food cake for them. I have a textural issue with soggy bread, so I opted just for a strawberry sundae.

As I was cutting the strawberries, it reminded me of every time that I made this with my mom. She taught me when I was younger. These family recipes, the ones that are passed down from generation, are just special to be a part of. Even though I tweak the recipes, there’s still something special that I feel a part of when I make these recipes. I remember making meatballs and rolling them with my mom. I remember making beef stew with my dad. It’s being a part of those traditions. It’s something that I love sharing with my kids and nephews.

My recipes are part of my legacy and will hopefully be passed on to their kids. I hope that they have those memories come up every time that they make those meals for their families or friends. Food is something that we all share within our families, but it’s more than just eating amazing food with loved ones. It’s about the stories behind those meals. People always put so much emphasis on pictures, but I have an easier time connecting memories to events rather than looking at a picture. As I start to make my meatballs as my mother taught me (with some tweaks that I made), I hear her voice in my head going “more cheese”. I remember proudly sneaking the first meatball the next day after it had rested overnight in the pasta sauce. Those are memories that pictures can’t always capture, because you’re not an active participant.

As I go through this journey of re-losing weight gained due to not focusing on myself, I keep hearing people point out that food isn’t supposed to be an emotional experience. It’s a means to nourish your body and nothing more. I don’t necessarily agree with that. You can have an emotional experience with food. You can use food to connect with others. To make you feel warm inside, especially when thinking about those memories. The thing is that you need to take things in moderation, not deprive yourself. People who have an unhealthy relationship with food, whether it’s that they eat too much of it or that they avoid it in fear of getting unhealthy, have issues deep inside that have nothing to do with anyone/anything else. Food is an experience that can and should be shared.

Take the time to teach your kids your family recipes. They may be more willing than you think to be a part of it. My youngest has even helped make things like my cornbread recipe or even the cranberry sauce that I make. My oldest is always curious about what I’m making, often hanging around in the kitchen waiting for an impromptu lesson. Food can be something that connects everyone and help your legacy live on long after you’re gone. That’s what makes it so special.