Tag Archives: Miscellaneous

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New Beginings

We grow up and start new phases of our lives. It’s all about being an adult, right? We put ourselves out there in sink or sail situations and hope that it works out. That’s the whole point of being an adult though: following dreams and making it on our own. Being a child is great, there’s something envious about never having to worry about paying bills and buying necessities. But nothing beats the empowering feeling you get knowing that you are successful and independent. That is what I feel real adulthood is.

Today we sign the loan paper for our mortgage. Wednesday we will get an inspection done, and once we pass that hurdle we have smooth sailing ahead of us. Then we can plop down money to buy the rest of our essentials and be ready to just move right in. This is a step in our lives that we are beyond ready for. We’re not even nervous about this step. We’re excited to start the new chapter of our story and just hope that all this planning and budgeting works out in our favor.

This isn’t the only new beginning that is occurring. My freelancing career is starting to pick up and I want to expand on it. I figure this can help me with marketing my ebooks. Then it hit me: I have a knack in the arts. I was great with sculpting clay, but I was a decent enough artist. In discussing ideas with my business manager/husband, we decided to try my hand at the web comic scene. My specialty in writing is witty one liners, so this seems like an obvious idea. So I made my way to ebay to see what kind of graphic tablets I could afford and happened across a slightly dinged up Wacom Bamboo for $20 to see if this was something I could do and if I should invest something better. Worst case scenario, if the Web comic fails, I will have another tool in my freelancing career to get more jobs in graphic design. I feel good about this.

In my short story collection “Wondering What I Was Thinking” (available for $0.99 on the Kindle store), there is a few short stories that follow 2 friends that are very Rosencrantz and Guildenstern-esque. These 2 characters, Gwen and Johnny, are probably among my favorites I have written. I’ve always wanted to do more with them but never felt I could do adequate enough short stories for them after the ones I have already finished. So immediately when we decided to venture into web comics, I felt these 2 characters could be revived and brought to a better life than short stories could ever do for them. I can’t wait to get started.

Everything seems to be changing and I can’t be more excited about it. I’m not afraid of change. In fact, I love the unpredictability of it all. Life is what you make if it. You can stay stagnant and settle or you could aim for whatever cloud you want to try to improve it. I choose trying to improve it.

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When One Door Closes, It Eventually Reopens?

Our options had dwindled, and we became hopeless. We first considered that we should revisit some our “nos” and see if we could convince ourselves that maybe they weren’t so bad. We quickly talked ourselves out of that, because we didn’t want to settle for something just because it was in the price range we were looking at. We begrudgingly decided to up our price range and live off ramen until January hits and the car is paid off.

We kept seeing the house we loved and were outbid on still up for sale. We laughed it off, saying if they came back to us after their condescending attitude that we would mimic them and tell them where to go. Sure the house might not have been much to others, but we loved it and it felt like home the minute we walked in. I suppose that’s how you know it’s the one. When my husband called the realtor to suggest going higher, our realtor informed us that there was one more house in our original range to see.

We were shocked to hear which one it was. It was the one we had wanted. Apparently the ones who outbid us never got the inspection or financing in the contracted time and they were re-addressing our offer. Except our new realtor didn’t know we had put an offer for the house so when she reshowed us the house, they thought there were 2 different interested parties when it was just us. Our new realtor was thorough when we went back to the house. My husband and I still loved it when we saw it again. We felt good about the offer, as we stuck to our guns to see if they were desperate enough to bite.

Our realtor pointed out the inexperience of the sellers realtor and said she was going to take advantage of that. She gave this impression of confidence and made us feel that we had the right person in our corner. It also helps that she had this look in her eye that she was going to devour him and that she had the tools and experience to do so. We walked away feeling good about this, but not so overconfident that we think it’s in the bag. But this time we have a fighting chance. I think so.

edit: I waited to post the blog because we would hear back today. And we did, and the news is good. They accepted our original offer of $140,000 plus closing. Take in account our down payment, our mortgage will only be for $135,000. We did it! Now they are passing things off to the attorneys, setting up our inspection, and passing it along to our loan officer. Things are looking up for us.

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The Search Continues Anew

There’s this idea that home buying is a dream. You get to look at all these houses and find the place where you are going to lay down your roots for several years, if not forever. Then you have this magical musical montage of your future upon entering the dream home, and you start planning your future around this dream home. Now you’re in your house, you have the children you dreamt of and raised them into this building you have made into your home. It’s a beautiful dream. However, unless my experience has been more miserable than most, this dream has no basis in fact.

This dream has become more of a nightmare for me than I had expected. I had no misconceptions about this; I knew it was going to be a testing journey. What I didn’t expect was this nightmare unfolding before me. I should be grateful that we’re in a position where we can buy a house. I am, I really am. However, this has been awful on my sanity and emotions. We found two nice houses, and we acknowledged that this is a market that the sellers control so we put bids up that ended up unsuccessful. We went through houses that made me miserable being in. And to finish the trifecta of terrible, our realtor ended up leaving us because of a family emergency. Now we have to start fresh with someone we haven’t established a relationship with.

Maybe we need this fresh start. Maybe this will bring us luck we desperately need right now. Already she seems more prepared and enthusiastic, with a list of houses and getting a rush on showings. She understands the urgency  we have placed on this situation, and seems confident that she can deliver our dream in our time line. I want to be hopeful, but I’m anxiously cautious. We’ll find out today how we should approach this. I hope on Friday’s post I can report something positive about this experience.

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When You Find It, You’ll Know

They kept saying, “when you find the house, you’ll know”. We put a bid on a house and immediately questioned ourselves after we did it. We found a house that should have been the one, and easily would have been if it weren’t for the requirements for a rehab loan. Though later on we forgot about it as we realized the elementary school was less than desirable. We were being naïve home buyers that were desperate for the one to hurry up and fall in our laps. We are watching our choices dwindling down in our ideal city.

Then we saw a picture of a shabby looking home. The kitchen looked like a closet and the only real other pictures were of the yard. With choices becoming more limited, we wanted to see the options. We went in with little hope. As we were heading to the house,  we were re-evaluating what we were ideally trying to find in a house: a nice yard for the children and dogs; a picturesque neighborhood; in a district with great schools. Everything else was negotiable: a nice kitchen, finished basement, decent sized bedrooms.

As we pulled up to the house, we were immediately impressed. The neighborhood was very picturesque, with flowering and other large trees and seeing children playing. We noticed that along the chain link fence on the side was a gate and walking path. As we followed the path on the property line, we noticed it was a path up to my oldest son’s current elementary school. Already a huge plus. The back and side yards were a decent size.

We walked into the house and the kitchen was larger than the pictures, though it was small, and had an opening to see into the dining area. The rooms were all nicely sized and it had a large finished basement. It was an awesome feeling. For the first time, I felt like I was home walking around. We didn’t want to rush into it this time. We wanted to sleep on it and re-assess  everything on Monday and have other family members see what we might have missed. Only when we went to reschedule, another bid had been placed. We rushed to get our advisors in to get a bid in. They loved it as much as we did.

So a bidding war has begun. We’re waiting to see if we were the top bidder. This time I’m anxious to see if we get it, unlike past time when I was anxious if I made the right call. Maybe we should have jumped on the house right away. We were trying to do the right thing and it may have backfired. The house was perfect in every way. The schools were top-notch, the neighborhood is amazing.  The house was a quaint perfect starter home. We’ll see how this goes and I should hope for the best.

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It Was So Close and I Lost

It’s another day in this continuing saga of the house hunt. Each day that passes, I feel the pressure of finding “the one” in the given deadline of the start of next school year. I find that I’m getting hopeless as each day passes. It would be easier if we settled for less than ideal locations, they have an abundance of houses in our price range. However, both suffer from failing school systems and land in the Top 100 most dangerous cities in America. This makes them automatic no go’s for our family. Ideally, we’d like to remain in our current city but the choices are dwindling.

We saw a house on Wednesday that was, in our estimates, the perfect starter home. The yard was huge, so it was perfect for the ability to expand the house as we grew if the need arose. The house was perfectly move in ready and required nothing but some paint. We did end up putting an offer on it for $10 grand less than the asking. Needless to say we were outbid, and back at square one. What are we going to do now? I’m lost and angry and feeling completely depressed and hopeless.

Now we only have a few places in our current city left before we start looking elsewhere. I was hoping that if I couldn’t  get a place in the same middle school district, that I could at least keep my oldest son in the city so he could play on his same baseball team with his friends and not completely uproot him to a strange place. What’s the point in moving for his best interest if I can’t keep him where he’s happy with his friends? I think that’s the worst part of this.

I’m trying to hold out hope that this will work out, but I don’t share my husband’s optimism. I’m a realist and I’m accepting that we will have to uproot our family and take them to a different city that we’re not used to and completely lost in. I’m trying my best to be hopeful. This process is infinitely more stressful than anticipated. With all the factors that are combined, I want to crawl in a hole and have someone just pick it and I can get on with my life. I’m done. It’s only really been a week and I’m so completely done and over this.

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It’s a Roller Coaster

And it’s just as fun, at least just to me as someone who hates roller coasters. I don’t think I was fully ready for this process. When I normally shop for something, I make a quick work of everything. I know what I want when I walk into a store, I know how much I want to pay for it and move on very quickly to the next place to find it. I’m very decisive and come to answers pretty quickly. I was warned that home shopping was going to be the most stressful thing in your adult life. I’m a mother of 2 boys and if that doesn’t break me, nothing can. I thought so anyways. It’s only stressful if your spouse and you are on different pages. Right?

Wrong. So so very wrong. And I’m fairly certain that this process is going to break me, and that break might just come very soon. It’s not my house shopping partner that has made this process as emotionally strenuous as it has been. It has been the houses and the process that has failed me. The house that needed the renovation needed a special rehab loan that would take forever to get. Plus, the elementary school was one of the worst in the city. We quickly moved on and raised our price point.

This lead us to this house that had pictures that made it look gorgeous. When we went to it, the area was easily ignored when I walked around the inside. I was ready to put an offer on it right away. Then we saw the basement and this feeling vanished. Suddenly, with this spot of broken open foundation where dirt was pulled open this curtain. What happens if it rains, and mud oozes through this hole. And why is the washer/dryer hook ups in the one spot there is no lighting in the far end of the basement? Then we saw money that needed to fix these stairs to make it safe for our family and guests. I wasn’t sad because my husband was worried about these things and I disagreed, I was sad because I’m slowly realizing that my deadline of having at least a new address by September might not happen. Hell, I’m starting to think living in the city we want to isn’t going to happen.

I keep trying to be hopeful, but I think I’m just going to try to convince myself that everything will work out and every day is a new day. Maybe we’ll see this new house today that might be it. I won’t keep looking at the pictures and dreaming anymore. I’ll look once and see if it has potential and forget about it until we get a showing. I’ve been turned from a doe-eyed house hunter to a hardened soul that just wants a place to lay down the roots of my growing family, where they can have a place of our own to run and scream and play. One year ago, I didn’t even consider that this would ever even be a possibility and yet here we are. Maybe I can look at that for hope of success. Until then, I’m  just going to have to go with the flow of things.

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Finding “The One”

My husband and I luckily agree on most things. Our criteria for our dream house was this: a nice yard for the kids to play in; a large kitchen; and decent sized rooms. We were realistic though; we knew at our price range that this would be close to impossible to get everything in our first home and agreed that the concession was giving up a large kitchen for a nice yard. The yard would be for the kids and that was the most important thing.

Saturday was a disaster of a day. It should be illegal how awful our first day of house hunting went. The first one was incredibly tiny, so tiny that my 6 ft tall husband had to crouch while walking around. The second house was even worse, causing me to doubt how well this process would even go. Defeated, we went back to the realtor’s office to plan our next day. We chose 3 houses. One house was a 2 story house that was very dark on a main street.  The second house was huge on an even  busier street. The last house was a house that needed unfinished projects finished, only had a picture of the front of the house, and well under our budget.  We later received a call informing us we would see the fixer upper first and the dingy 2 story second. Our other choice had just received an offer, so that one was gone.

I was scared going into this unknown house. I didn’t know what we were going to walk into. We didn’t know if it was a spray painted drug den. What does “having many projects” even mean? We braced ourselves and entered, I soon saw my jaw drop: I loved it. I didn’t see that part in the kitchen that needed new sheet rock. I saw the newly done cabinets and dining room. I saw the amazing antiquated wood work and stairs. I saw how every room was large. I saw a room with French doors that would be an amazing office. I saw all the work that needed to be done and realized this place would be gorgeous when it was. I realized that even with the work, this house would still be under budget. Then I saw the yard and I said “this is it”. The second house never even stood a chance.

This sets us up for a dilemma, however.   Now we need to get a rehab loan rather than a mortgage. Luckily today we have an appointment with a loan specialist, who hopefully can help us out. If that works out, we have to hope the other people who saw the house didn’t want it and draw up a “good faith” contact. Then we’ll get it inspected and hope that nothing is structurally wrong. Then we have to meet with contractors to get a quote one what needs to be done to move in. This will be a nerve wrecking week. I really hope this works out. I really do. I hope so, I think we’re due some good luck. If this does become a reality, I am toying around the idea of vlogging this process of turning this house into our home.

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Just Dive In

I’ve always said that “some times you have to just dive right in and hope you don’t drown”. That’s my way of saying that you just have to try and see what happens. This is the perfect way to assess my current life situation. It’s hard to assess things when life happens so quickly. But that’s how it goes. You can either be a spectator to your own life, or make the changes to grow and live it for yourself. I choose to run my own show.

This blog will take a bit of a different turn in the upcoming weeks. Sometimes I might discuss current events or politics, but the focus will shift as I embark on a new stage of my adult life: homeownership. We recently received preapproval, and this weekend will start the hunt for our new home. I’ll focus on the trials and tribulations of the process. I’m going in expecting heartache and stress. I already fell victim to 2 anxiety attacks and it’s only been a week.
I’d like to share this journey with my readers to help them through their experience, as well as the stress of moving and converting the “house” into a “home”. It’s an exciting and nerve testing time for my family and I can’t wait until it begins.

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The Freedom of the Run

I remember watching people running by in mid winter with just a hoodie over their running clothes and a winter hat and thinking they were out of their minds. I’ll admit, I still think they are crazy. On a cold and icy winter morning, I want to be inside with a tea and heating not out for a run. The difference now isn’t them; they are still a little crazy my eyes. The difference is that now I get it.

I’m not an experienced runner by any means. I just started last week with the Couch to 5k app on zombie mode with a bottle of water in my hand and gasping for breath as if I were dying at the end of each jogging cycle in the workout. But a week into the program, I have a new understanding of it. There’s no one around but the music, Johnny Zombie telling me when to run and jog, and the baby in the stroller I’m pushing uphill while jogging. It’s freedom. It’s all freedom. And even though my muscles feel like they are detaching themselves from my limbs and my lungs feel like a grenade explodes in them after each jogging minute, it is awesome.

I look forward to my time out there moving. It clears my head, makes me a little saner even if it’s just for a little bit. It’s quiet and peaceful and out of the corner of my eyes I see a nice view and  scenery. I hear the sounds of birds chirping and dogs barking and children laughing over my music and my zombie trainer. I smell the freshly cut grass and the grills cooking what smells like delicious steaks. Unfortunately some times I smell the scent of freshly pesticided and fertilized lawns, but even then I don’t care. I smile at neighbors that smile at me and say “hello” in return to their greetings. I even give thumbs up when they make a commentary about me getting a workout in or how cute my boys are. It’s a great new world out there.

I wonder if it’s me that changed. I still feel self-conscious if I see people looking at me, but it’s fleeting as I’m more concerned with my goals that someone I’ve never met and probably never will. I want to be better: healthier and faster with more endurance. I want that feeling of freeing solidarity that magically erases everything that makes me miserable for at least a half hour of my day. I want to forget, without drinking or anything else people use to forget. Most importantly, I get it.

So will I still look at them as insane? Probably. But they have the right idea. Hell, next year I might even join them. I’ll be the one in baggy running sweatpants, parka, and my signature winter hat. I might even suck it up and wear my snow boots. Maybe not though, because I like my tea and bathrobe walking around the house on a cold winter morning. That’s too many months away to make these sorts of decisions now. I recommend the feeling of being out there though, even if it’s only for a walk. A nice peaceful walk on a nice day instead of wasting away in front of your television. Plus, it sends a great message to your kids seeing you active.

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Leave the Remdawg Alone

Normally I don’t discuss Massachusetts only topics here, nor do I really discuss sports here. I felt the need to discuss the situation with Jeremy Remy that’s a hot button issue in this dubbed “Red Sox Nation” on whether he should continue his job calling the Sox games while his son is on trial for brutally murdering the mother of his child. It seems to be a divider among viewers and is taking away focus from what should be a discussion on Opening Day or whether or not the Sox will be the first team in  about 13 years to repeat a World Series win.

Before the season, Remy admits to enabling his troubled son in efforts to help him. He agreed that maybe he went too far, but what was he supposed to do. Normally I agree that enablers are as guilty for a situation as the person they enable, if you give someone a fish and whatnot. His son was an uncontrollable rager waiting to happen. The only thing they are guilty of is not letting him sit in jail longer because they thought he was fixable. Every parent likes to think that their child is fixable.

Now here’s why I don’t think enabling him mattered: Jared probably would’ve done it anyways and no matter what Jeremy did, he still would be blamed in the media. An abuser is an abuser for life until he’s stopped. If the courts were harder on him or if all the women he beat stood up and put an end to this, he might have been in jail longer,  but he still would have done this. His son was a bad seed that liked to beat up people. If Remy had cut off Jared and wiped his hands clean of him and his son still killed his baby mama, the media would still rake Jeremy Remy over the coal and Remy’s resignation would still be called for. Except instead of being guilty for enabling a bad seed, he’d be guilty of neglecting a child that needed him and because of that a woman has died. There is no situation where people aren’t calling for his head on a big Red Sox shaped platter.

The issue here is accountability. No one ever wants to take responsibility for themselves. It’s always someone else that needs to take the blame. Boo hoo, his daddy worked all the time. Mine did too, but I didn’t kill anyone or shoot up heroin. The real person at fault here is the one who committed the crime. He was a grown “man”. (I use the term “man” here very loosely because no man hits or acts violently towards a woman let alone the mother of his child.) He’s the one on trial and should stay the only one on trial. I have a hard time feeling sorry for a woman beater, let alone a rich spoiled child. Leave the Remdawg alone and let him do his job. When I see him today, I will see the same guy I’ve always seen only with a little bit more sympathy because his dirty laundry is fodder for the news while essentially being compared to an accomplice to murder.