Category Archives: Writing

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What To Say

I was considering today’s post. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to write about. Hell, I’ve started writing this out and I’m still not entirely sure where I’m going with this. I would tell myself to close my eyes and go for it, hoping for the best. However, typing this on my phone with my eyes closed may not work too well. I suppose we’re about to take a journey of random thoughts together.

I was watching The Five on Fox News the other day, and was mad that they spoiled a plot of House of Cards for me. I have been unable to obsessively stream the show, since it’s school vacation and that show is not for children. Then I became more upset when they decided that The Following was preaching an anti-gun agenda. Which is hilarious considering most of the deaths on the show aren’t even gun related. Maybe they are preaching an anti-Poe agenda, because we know only Goths and psychos actually care about his works. Right? In another turn of events, The next segment, hilariously enough, was on spoiler etiquette. Just pointing that out.

I just joined Pinterest today. I’m not sure what to do with it and I’m a little late to this party, but I’ll find something awesome about it. I hope it doesn’t turn out like when my husband discovered reddit and spends every waking second on it. It probably will be, at least until I get bored quickly. We’ll see, I’m sure I’ll complain here about it coming short of whatever expectations I have for it. So far it just looks like a jumbled mess to me.

The lesson here? There is no real lesson. Don’t be a jerk and give a “spoiler alert” before giving up story lines. Also, try something new even if you’re afraid to look like a noobish. Though I’m sure the real lesson is to have a plan before writing a blog, otherwise it comes out unorganized mess.

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An Unspoken National Issue

I considered originally writing about my thoughts on the State of the Union address last night, but I opted against it for two reasons: 1) nothing extraordinary was said but the same promises (empty) and rhetoric I mistrusted; and 2) I was inspired by reading recaps of television shows last and realized there was a far more important issue to be discussed. There is an epidemic we need to stop and put and end to it. We need to raise awareness and create a support system for the tragic victims of this epidemic, not just one of non-judgement but one of making the victim aware of the epidemic they are a part of. What is this epidemic? It’s domestic violence.

This post will have a lot of statistics and a lot of my (probably controversial and offensive) opinions. If that isn’t okay with you, you can stop reading any time. But I did warn you. These statistics come from safehaven.org.

I’ll start with what, to me anyways, is the most disturbing of the statistics. This is about the children in these situations. 3 million children every year witness abuse in their homes. Children who live in these homes are 30-50% more likely to suffer neglect and abuse. Studies have proven that boys who grow up in abusive households are more likely to abuse their own partners. We knew this. There was a viral video that demonstrated that children mimic what their parents do. I cringed at the part of the video when the child hit his mother alongside his father. What’s more alarming than that? Girls who are brought up in this same environment are much more likely to allow themselves to be abused. My thoughts? If you want to be smacked around by your partner, you’re an adult. The minute you let yourself stay in a situation like that with children makes you, in my opinion, just as guilty as the abuser. It’s selfish. You need to think about your children, because it’s not just about your safety or even their safety at the current time. You, and you alone, are responsible for allowing this cycle to continue. You are raising future abusers and victims.

One in 4 women experience abuse in their lifetimes. Most abuse isn’t even reported. I’m interested to find a statistic of how many that are reported that are not tried because a woman thinks that after the 15th time, he loves her and still won’t do it again. Then I would love to see that statistic against this one: 1 in 3 women are killed every year by their current or past abuser. That is a scary thought. These women are victims of these men and their own low self-esteem and lack of self-respect. They are easy prey for the hunters, and get fed lines of manipulation and false promises and derogatory speech to keep them at bay. They mistake punches for kisses.

Don’t allow yourself to be conflicted. Families who watch a family member go through this can only do so much when it falls on deaf ears. I’m conflicted how I feel about this. Part of me understands there is a lot of fear and anxiety in uprooting your family and seeking help for this. You feel ashamed you allowed this to happen and worried about people judging you. To be bluntly honest, they’ll judge you more for staying and allowing harm to come to your children. This is what makes me the angriest. If a woman wants to stay in that type of situation, then only you can make that (very stupid) decision. I’m not going to lie, I think it is disgusting to raise the children in that environment. The boys might think that all women are weak. Even worse, the girls will think that this is acceptable and when the moms will try to talk their daughters out of it, they will say “but it was okay for you mom. Isn’t it normal?” I hope their consciences are at peace with this because they did that. I know it seems harsh and insensitive, but adult decisions affect the decisions children make as they grow up. Get help. There are dozens of services that can help or find help. If you don’t have the strength or self-respect to do it for yourself, do it for your children. Even if you don’t think you deserve better, they do.

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The Art of Making Up Your Mind

I can’t seem to shake the theme of conflicting beliefs that people have. People stand around preaching tolerance, but only with people who agree with them. People make bold statements of absolution, unwavering to any reason or arguments that may help them consider that they might be wrong. It’s this same unwavering absolution that has created the mockery of government that exists in America today.
So let’s talk about marriage then. Marriage is a union between two people who are in love and want to spend forever (or until they can’t stand each other anymore) together. They would like to tell you that this is a religious union, blessed by God and so on. They’re lying to you. Marriage is really a legally binding contract between two people who either love each other enough to be married for a certain amount of time or until each party gets what they want out of the deal until which case they either die married or go to lawyers to undo the union. I usually express disdain for marriage, as part of it brings out the inner feminist in me but mostly because for such a right we have, they make sure to tell people who they can marry all the time. I accept this fact. I even admit frequently that I would’ve stayed forever engaged to my husband if it weren’t for the fact he had great insurance and we were paying double the insurance for each of us individually. But again, this shows the legally binding contract between two people.
Which brings me to the point. States are considering a law requiring couples to take classes about marriage before allowing them to get marriage licenses. Before, people were required to take blood tests to get married. There are people against this, on the argument that marriage is a right we all have and the government has no right in this realm. These same people also argue against gay marriage on the grounds of religious and moral beliefs. If the government has no say, how come you need them for a marriage license and to dissolve the marriage?
I’m okay with this. Too many people go into marriage and expect it to magically work without any effort. They assume a partnership is a partnership and everything will be okay. Marriage takes work, some more than others. I also think making people get a parenting license before procreation is a great idea because of how many terrible parents out there, so maybe I’m skewed. The reality is there is a high divorce rate and that needs to be addressed somehow. I’m not opposed to divorce. I’m not going to say that divorce ruins children’s lives or that children that grow up in single family homes are screwed for life, because I don’t believe that. The arguing of parents are more harmful than a divorce, in my opinion. One major reason reason for divorce, after money, is conflicting beliefs that couples don’t think matter until after the fact or children are in the picture. Maybe classes before marriage isn’t a bad idea.

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Beliefs for All

Today is Martin Luther King Day. This was a man who was strong in his convictions and had beliefs that helped change America today. My post today has nothing to do with this. In fact, when inspiration hit me I didn’t even consider what today was. This post may seem a bit contradictory at times, but I’ll risk it anyways and hope that it makes sense. When I was younger and attending religious classes to make my Confirmation, I was put in a place of personal moral dilemmas. They were telling me about how homosexuality was a sin, but I didn’t believe it. They couldn’t tell me that God was infallible but yet made a mistake in people I believed he created. Now, I tell my son who is attending religious classes that being a good Catholic means two things: question everything and only God is allowed to pass judgement. It isn’t our place. Luckily, he listened.

We all have different beliefs. If we didn’t,  this world would be such a boring place. Our beliefs is what makes us do what we do. One of our biggest problems in America is also our best asset and it’s all about beliefs. Our country was founded on a belief of freedoms to be who we are without the government persecuting us. So you might ask, “I agree that our biggest asset is that we believe, but how is this our downfall?” I’ll tell you why. Because we live in a place of intolerance of people who don’t share our beliefs. Because we live in a place where laws are made based on beliefs that can seem to oppress people. This is where beliefs are a downfall.

I believe that your beliefs shouldn’t dictate my life. I might not agree with people posting sonogram pictures or bath pictures on social media. I believe these are personal and private and the latter is fodder for pedophiles. This doesn’t mean I have a right to tell you that you’re wrong and shouldn’t do it. The great thing about America is we can disagree and it’s okay with us. It’s not our place to judge. My beliefs shouldn’t dictate how you live your life.

This is where the post might become a little contradictory. I believe we have freedoms. I believe that people should be treated as people, no matter how they look or love. I believe what a person does with their body is their own business. Should what I believe be common beliefs? Maybe, but it’s not. We have freedoms though. And amongst those freedoms is that all people have certain unalienable rights and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It doesn’t say, “except if you’re gay or a minority” at the end of that. So where does a belief have the exception to become a law over someone else’s beliefs? When you consider these unalienable rights that were written by those brave men that created our government because they wanted a place that was better than the state of oppressions they lived in before. They wanted better for us as we want better for our generations to come.

We do pick and chose what beliefs lead to laws in America. I think what makes this right or wrong is what was written in those documents we love to think we follow. We don’t. They would probably spin in their graves if they saw the state of oppression that we currently live. They wanted a land where religion wasn’t a cause to oppress another. They wanted us to be free people. They wanted a place where the government stayed small and not small enough to fit in our bedrooms or female reproductive systems. They wanted people who obeyed the law to live free without worrying about someone coming after them. They wanted a land where people could have a better life. And we have lost that somewhere along the way.

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Learning about Boundaries

I remember in grade school how we had to learn about “personal space”. This was demonstrated to us by making us hold our arms in front of us, like we were zombies and walking to make sure that we didn’t touch the person in front of us. We had to hold out our hands when we sat down. A stiff punishment of a recess detention would be doled out if we crossed into someone else’s space. This naturally caused us to go into “I’m not touching you” mode. We did learn boundaries of staying where we belong and don’t belong. No freedoms were impeded on.

In Massachusetts, the Supreme Court is looking at whether this law that places protest free zones around the entrances to abortion clinics. Now as someone who sees these “buffer zone” markings often by my son’s specialist, I can say that it blocks off areas around the entrance to the parking lots into clinics that performs abortions so people can freely get in and out of these parking lots without being blocked by people with signs. It also makes it so people like me can get to the medical office building behind the clinic without having these people with signs harassing me. They have all this space outside of those spots to march and protest. And there is a lot of space.

I’m for your right to protest. You should be able to take a stand against whatever you want. This does not mean my right to protest takes priority over your right to seek medical treatment or anything legal you want to do to your body. News flash: the buildings with clinics in it also have other medical offices in there. Also another news flash, sometimes people go to the clinic for birth control or OB/GYN checks though I’m not sure the exact statistics because I believe that it’s none of my damn business why they are there. Final news flash: abortion is legal and if someone is going to do it, your graphic signs and religious rhetoric are not going to stop them any more than gun control prevents gang members from shooting up school buses.

I wonder how they would feel if people were just outside their private residences to protest. Obviously, not on their property but just at the end of their driveways in the public street. Or what if I went to a church and started a protest blocking their entrance into mass? Would they say “okay, it’s your right to protest wherever you want so have at it guys, we’ll work around you. God bless!” No, they would be pissed that I’m interfering in their business.

I wish I had a larger following. I would call for these sort of protest because I’m all for seeing social theory play out. I like watching hypocrisy try to rationalize itself. I’m interested to see the results of these actions and how the various media outlets report it. I think we should test this theory. See how that affects this law and how the people opposed to it react.

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What’s in a Number?

Numbers don’t scare me. My weight doesn’t scare me. My pant size doesn’t scare me. Age doesn’t scare me. When I was in high school, I admit that I had thought that the minute you cross the 20’s threshold that something automatically changes. You suddenly have wrinkles, a sort of newfound wisdom and you miraculously turn into a mature adult. Numbers scared me back then.

Maybe it’s the fact that after having two boys that nothing is really too scary after that, except having two girls. 30 didn’t scare me. In fact when I woke up this morning, crossing that 20’s threshold into my 30’s nothing changed. I was still me. I had already matured as every parent should when they first have children. I looked in the mirror, and nothing changed. All that is different today is that I’m 30, and that is all.

I didn’t shudder at the thought of turning 30. The fear people have isn’t the number, it’s the uncertainty of what that number means. It’s the reality that we’re not teenagers that can do whatever we want whenever we want to. We have responsibilities. We now should be grown up enough to realize the world isn’t going to hand you everything like you’re a doe eyed teenager. It’s time to face the music that we are adults that have bills to pay and are responsible for our families.

30 isn’t the end of your life or youth. I don’t feel old and I certainly have a lot of life to live. In fact, now that I’m settled down with my husband and children, I can save money because our perfect date night means being at home with each other and our children. I don’t need to bar hop to have fun. A girl’s night out with my lovely ladies doesn’t mean getting smashed and dancing with strange men. I would dare say that even though I’ve only been 30 for a few hours that it’s actually pretty awesome in comparison to my 20’s. So to my female readers, turning 30 is ok. We’ve experienced much worse.

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A Healthy New You For the Brand New Year

Every January, the gym fills up and annoys the usual crowd there. They’re used to finding parking and their choice of equipment. These limited run “resolutioner” that last a whole month or two disrupts this routine. Luckily I work out at home because I like the peace of exercising in solitude. The added bonus of hearing my children laughing while they get man time with their father just makes me happy.

There are a ton of blogs capitalizing on those people, giving informed tips on weight loss and lifestyle changes. Not to take anything away from people who do that out of the kindness of their hearts. I have none of that, only my own personal dealings with the struggle of weight loss and lifestyle changes. I was always skinny, until a time when I was just average thin. Then I became pregnant and saw the scale climb up to 200 lbs. At some point, I asked if I could face away from the scale because I didn’t want to see the numbers. The only advice I can give is find something you like and can stick with. Nothing else will work.

Now I am 60 lbs lighter. I didn’t do it because I didn’t love myself the way I was. I might have hated the number on the scale, but I didn’t hate myself. I didn’t do it because I wanted to make my husband happy, he loved me no matter what. I did it because I love myself and my family and I wanted to be healthy to watch them grow up and see my grandchildren. I did it because I wanted to teach my children the importance of living a healthy lifestyle of eating right and exercise. I did it to have more energy chasing my toddler around. If you want a healthier life, you need to make the necessary changes in your life to make yourself physically and mentally healthy.

There’s an important distinction here. Loving yourself as you are and changing for your health are not conflicting ideals. Lying to yourself and preaching self-love while picking yourself apart in the mirror isn’t true love of who you are. I’m not losing weight because I want to fit in some mold society has set for me as a female; those social norms were never my style. I bow down to no one. No one dictates what I look like or do. You don’t have to look like a supermodel. You can be chubby, as long as you’re healthy. Curves are average people. It’s more important than trying to look like . It’s your health. It’s more than a number on a scale or what size jeans you wear.

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When Health Beliefs Conflict

Once upon a time, I wrote a blog here about vaccinations. I’m avidly pro-vaccination and think that more harm is done from not vaccinating your children than from getting the vaccine. I equate the people against vaccines to the people who choose their faith in God over modern medicine to help your child’s cancer go in remission. Not everything is in God’s hand. I’m sure he’s far too busy with worrying over the state of the world and people using his name to cause harm to others. That is the reality of it. Does that statement make you hate me? I wouldn’t bother reading on then, because if that offended you then the rest of what I have to say would probably not please you.

People should make educated decisions about their health and their family’s health. When I say educated though, I mean from reputable sources. This doesn’t mean research the sources that agree with you, it means reading everything. If you read only one news source, you are getting a biased report of only one author. You’ll have nothing to compare that too. You need this comparison to weed out the truths and biases. This applies to everything, not just health topics.

I wonder personally, how many anti-vaccination people use natural and herbal supplements. If the argument is that there is not enough evidence of the effectiveness and safety of vaccines, what makes the lack of evidence there more worthy of worry than the lack of studies on natural and herbal supplements. At least vaccines are tested and approved by health organizations and have to undergo strict testings before being put on the market. I could go to the bathroom in a bottle and pass it off as a magical herb to cure arthritis, and it wouldn’t have to be checked for safety or usefulness.

There is all these studies done on the effectiveness of breastmilk and they agree that it is the best for your baby. Now say I didn’t agree and started a viral “researched” article about how this was a giant conspiracy to make women into housewives that did nothing but nurse babies and cater to their husbands. Would I be accurate? Other anti-breatfeeding people could validate my arguments for no other reason than fuel the debate. There could be no truth to my statements and theories, but now they are all over the Internet passing themselves off as unequivocal facts and people would believe me without fact checking me. People read what they want to anyways and if it’s on the internet, it must be true. You can’t lie on the internet. Right?

98% of statistics are made on the spot. See, I just did. If you give you children herbal supplements and not vaccines, I personally believe you are a hypocrite. It’s all or nothing, folks. In fact, at the risk of sounding harsh maybe you shouldn’t trust chemotherapy or radiation for your sick child, because those are poisons being put in their bodies. There’s a reason why diseases that were basically non-existant are now back and killing children. Imagine if some moms back when polio was running rampant decided, “nah, I don’t think so”. It’s not just irresponsible, it’s selfish. My infant too young for vaccines could die because of your moral stance. And if situations were reversed, you would deem me an awful person because you had to bury your child because I didn’t feel like vaccinating mine. Consider those consequences.

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Random Thoughts 2014

Now that the holidays are over, it’s officially time to get back to business. Today, I will focus on the first “Random Rants” post of the year. A new year is supposed to be about new beginnings but let’s face it, it just feels like another day. You can go to bed with good intentions for resolutions to wake up without even bothering to try. The fact is that any day you wake up is a second chance to make a change in your life.

Now, onto the rants of the year.

It’s POT TIME! Well, if you live in Colorado anyways. People opposed to this say it will encourage people to smoke pot. Seriously? Pot is easy enough to get, and if people want it they’ll get it. Legalizing pot is not going to make a swarm of people who wouldn’t normally smoke it automatically decide they love drugs. What it will do is increase tax money into the government instead of being pocketed by possibly dangerous gang members. What it will do is make sure someone with a dime bag won’t spend the same amount of time in jail as someone with 10 kilos of coke. You’re not encouraging pot smoking any more than legal booze encourages drunk driving. Bonus: Did I mention free money to the government to possibly go to the schools and improve our declining school systems?

Duck Dynasty, the family of bigots? This isn’t newsworthy or even particularly shocking. They are Southern, super conservative Christians that were raised that way. Are they bigoted?  Not my place or anyone else’s. If you’re a real Christian there’s only one person who can truly judge. It’s crazy and has gone on long enough. I’m actually tired of hearing about it on the news. And, for the record the argument of free speech was only intended to protect a civilian from the government not a civilian over another civilian. And if you’re really shocked by this, you must’ve really dropped your jaw when you found out Paula Deen, an old woman from the South, dropped the “n” bomb. Find something actually newsworthy like troops losing benefits so people can sit around and play the PS4 on hard-working Americans dime.

Puffing With Kids? States are considering laws that prevents parents from smoking in a car with a child on the premise of the second and third hand smoke are dangerous for children. People opposed this state the government is over stepping control and it crosses a line. People have liberties, right? Last I checked, you can’t drink and drive.  Should we allow that since anything else is an attack on basic rights of humans? Laws like this exist because people are inherently stupid and must not realize the idiotic things they do and how it affects others. They make laws like this because people lack common sense, just like there are laws against driving under influences or anything else that seems like you should just know better.  Think about how much time is taken off the road to find a cigarette and then lighting it. I bet that math equals sending a text while driving, and texting while driving is illegal. That must be an attack on civil liberties too. The fact is simple: you want lung cancer, or any other smoking related disease that is your personal choice. That isn’t your child’s personal choice to possibly get asthma or worse because you couldn’t last a 5 minute drive without lighting up. And standing next to a “smoke free zone” sign with a lit cigarette hanging from your lip makes you look stupid, just saying.

PS4, why?! I really just wondered why you bothered to release a game system and only like 4 other games to go with it and several months before more are released. This seems like poor planning. I just needed to get that off my chest.

I hope that if you believe in this New Year hoopla that you accomplish your resolutions and get your new beginning.  For everyone else, remember when writing your checks out that it is we 2014. It always takes me until May to remember.

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Always Taking the Path to Minimalism

Some people are okay with the easy way. Some people are okay with mediocrity, especially if it means they don’t have to do anything for it. I am not this type of person.  Do you know how hard it is to write a blog on your phone while chasing down a toddler who is apparently on a mission to destroy the Christmas tree? I’ll give you a hint: it’s infuriating.
There are many times I want to say “screw it”. I want to tell Tom to quit his job and we can live happily ever after in less than ideal conditions on the government dime because they seem to live better than the hardworking people who live according to each paycheck. They are fleeting thoughts though, because my first thought is my children and the lessons they would learn from that. And I remember why I don’t give up: because they deserve better and that is more important to me than anything else. So my husband works away and I make sure the paychecks stretch as far ad possible.
Working a minimum wage job, which it seems the only one I can get at the time being would eat up my entire paycheck for daycare. That is, unless the wage gets raised up to $15 an hour. I’d flip burgers for that in a heart beat. Do I think that’s way too high to raise it? Sure I do. But, I’ve considered a few things.
People like the easy way out, so a job of ease like that, would keep a person employed. And an employed person making more money is less likely to need government assistance. Secondly, some people take whatever jobs they can get, and they should not be forced to feel ashamed if a minimum wage job at McDonald’s is the best they can do for their families. In fact, they should be applauded for their hard work instead of shamed. More people should be like that. And lastly at that rate of money, it will no longer be more beneficial to live off the government than to be gainfully employed so maybe that will get people actually working, than being paid from hard-working lower middle class people’s paychecks to sit around and play Call of Duty Ghosts on that PS4 you bought that most people couldn’t afford on your nicer furniture than the second-hand ones they have to live with. Run on sentence rant, ended.
On the news, I heard Herman Cain say, essentially, “if you work hard, you’ll get raises anyways after 6 months”. In the real world, does that really happen though? In my experience it never happens that way. Maybe every few years you get an extra $50 a check… the real world is not the same place those cushy pundits that talk about the middle class lives. Nothing infuriates me more than someone in designer clothes wearing Louboutin shoes, telling me how I feel about something. They don’t know how I feel about anything, and they shouldn’t presume that they do and pretend to speak for us.
So, do I think minimum wage should be raised? Sure. Do I think $15 is too much? Maybe. I’m not an economist, but I would love to read the math and theory behind how $15 for minimum wage version the money being paid into government assistance and how much money is saved from the government, thus being saved by the tax payers. It might not even be cost-effective, I would just love to see the independently done math to make an educated decision either way. And don’t feel ashamed of your job, whatever it is. I commend you for your strive and other people should too.