Tag Archives: society

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A Little Peevey

We all have those little things that bother us to no end, some more than others. I’m probably in the “some more than others” category. I don’t mean to be so critical, so easily bothered, so “OCD” if you will. I am, and I’m not a patient person though my children have taught me to at least be very patient with them. Over the weekend while at the mall, a person was walking in front of me with his pants hanging down a little off his hips. That’s annoying but I can get over that. However on the side of his sweatpants where his pockets are, his hands were down his pants as if his pockets were in his underwear and his pants were in the way. I ended up nearly leaving my husband and older son behind while I pushed the stroller faster to get past this terrible sight. I didn’t get it, do they make underwear with pockets now? Is it just cool to look absolutely-friggen-ridiculous  while out in public? Is underwear the real fashion statement that needed to be made but pesky rules requiring pants get in the way? All the words of mockery filled my head while my hands were shaking while I was biting my tongue. My health required that I passed him.

This made me think of all the things that really really just get my brain in “bite your tongue” mode. I figured I would share some of this list, and I’m very interested in what everyone else has to say.

1) We’re humans, not cows. I love cows. I think they are adorable, I really do. They’re kind of like kids, adorable no matter how bad they smell. But when they smell, you want to run far far away and admire from afar. What I don’t love is the sound of food being chewed in my ear. This is one of those things you have to deal with though, no matter how much it disgusts you or makes you want to claw out your eardrums.

2) Did you look in the mirror before leaving the house? Yes, this one is probably where my friend from the mall probably comes in. Wearing that flat brimmed hat, sweatpants that look like you could fit 3 people in while your underwear proudly stands out. It’s trashy when women flash their thongs, and it’s just as awful when men flash whatever they choose to wear. Especially considering most men can’t do their own laundry. (Trashy and gross?) It’s more than that. It’s People of Wal-Mart style attire. It’s when you’re wearing jeans and those toe shoes or when you’re morbidly obese and thing a sports bra and spandex is a fantastic wardrobe choice. I’m not fashion maven, but it makes me die on the inside almost as much as I’d die on the outside if I didn’t keep my mouth shut.

3) You’ve got a little something there. That stray hair on your shirt, that food in your flavor saver? Oh and that stuff on your teeth? I stare at it, and can’t concentrate on anything else. Really, if I’m staring intently at you, it’s probably more this than interest in what you’re saying. (Though don’t discount my interest, if I’m paying attention to you then it’s good. I can’t fake interest.) This isn’t your fault, this is mine. I fixate on things that are out of place. I still count it as a peeve though, since I get obsessive and unable to focus on anything else because it honestly does consume me.

That is my Top 3 “Peeve” list. I’m admittedly very neurotic, and I think I’ve easily proven that and that there’s a fine line they make me toe of “being a bitch”. I’d also like to brag that I’m getting better at typing with an infant on my lap, even though it makes typing much slower. I’d also like to remind readers I have a short story-esque released on the Kindle store for $0.99 and the link is on the sidebar. (Shameless self promotion.)

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Discriminatory: The One Way Street

dis·crim·i·na·to·ryadjective /disˈkrimənəˌtôrē/1. Making or showing an unfair or prejudicial distinction between different categories of people or things, esp. on the grounds of race, age, or sex.

prej·u·dicenoun /ˈprejədəs/
prejudices, plural

  • Preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience
    • – English prejudice against foreigners
    • – anti-Jewish prejudices
  • Dislike, hostility, or unjust behavior formed on such a basis
    • – accusations of racial prejudice
  • Harm or injury that results or may result from some action or judgment
    • – prejudice resulting from delay in the institution of the proceedings
I figured prior to my post, I would give the definition of “discriminatory” to help this along. Please refer back to this if you have any questions about the word or feel free to also Google it for definitions if that would make you feel better. I don’t necessarily care if you agree with the point of view, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed. This is more of a discussion of a topic than a “that’s morally reprehensible” argumentative piece. Also, I figured giving the definition of “prejudice” would also help us move along here. Also, http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/02/22/pentagon-push-to-extend-benefits-to-same-sex-couples-stirs-debate/ to give background to my post.
An uproar seemed to have occurred when the discussion to allow domestic same-sex couples to have the same benefits as married couples, despite unmarried straight couples not having this right. Some groups have called this “discriminatory”, why should gay couples have this but not straight ones? It’s 100% wrong to allow one group of people something and not others, I absolutely agree. One group shouldn’t be given preferential treatment over another, otherwise that is discriminatory. This is a fact, I can’t deny facts.
Also a fact: Most states do not allow same-sex marriage. (I hope my prior paragraph didn’t scare anyone away and set me up for hate mail.)  This is also discriminatory, since not allowing one group the same rights as another. Then does that make the previous argument null and void, since they said it wasn’t right because that act was “discriminatory” and it should be equal for everyone? Interesting how the argument turns when you see it from the other side. So, what makes one “discriminatory” and the other not. Hint: they are both discriminatory.
Though I do offer an interesting point: most states don’t allow gay marriage. I know, I used that point as a starter to the last paragraph. I use it as a different argument here. Straight couples have the right to choose to get married or not, where gay couples don’t. So why shouldn’t a domestic partnership of a gay couple of 10 years get the same benefits as a married couple for the same? It isn’t a discussion of morals, it’s one of logic. You can’t ignore this part of the argument as if by pretending gay people don’t exist they will go away. It doesn’t work quite like that, unless you’re at the cognitive level of a toddler who believes “out of sight, out of mind”.
This isn’t an argument of whether gay marriage should be legalized or not, even though I definitely believe it should be. The argument is about if it’s discriminatory to allow domestic partners that are gay the same benefits as married couples but not allow it for domestic straight couples. I don’t think it’s really fair to say, since the playing field isn’t level. If both groups were allowed to get married, then yes it would absolutely be discriminatory to allow one the benefits and not the other. However, straight couples choose not to get married and gay couples often don’t get that choice but still want to commit themselves entirely to their partner as a straight married couple would. In which case, the fact that one group of people is allowed marriage while another isn’t is truly what’s discriminatory here. You can decide.
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What is “offensive”?

I wonder if I was too harsh in Friday’s post, though it’s not a statement of whether or not I should apologize for it. I shouldn’t apologize for it, nor should I have to. I stand by every bit of what I said. I worried that people would be offended when I posted it, but I did it anyways. I realized a long time ago if someone gets offended, it has more to do with their own thoughts than my own. I feel that insecurity may directly affect what someone deems “offensive”.

If someone mentioned that I have gained weight, I do get upset. It’s not because of what the person said, they were merely observing something. I get upset because I’m insecure about my weight since the baby fat is not coming off as quickly it did the first time. If someone said “your hands are short and stubby”, I nod in agreement. They are small, little chubby things that I just accept. I do bite my nails and I can’t seem to get over teenage acne. I accept certain things and notice that I easily take offense to the things I do get insecure about. I don’t think I’m special; I do think I’m not the only one.

I also believe in standing by what you say. Never say something you don’t mean, no matter what. Did I agree with what Chris Culliver from the 49’ers said? Absolutely not, I think those comments were ignorant and hateful. Should he have apologized that people took offense? Probably, but he said it and should’ve stuck by it. I wouldn’t agree with him or respect what he said, but at least I wouldn’t look at him like he needed to grow a pair. Being hateful was his business and as much as it pains me to say this, he has a right to believe what he wants. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with it, but it’s his right.

So what is offensive? That’s everyone’s question. What’s offensive is what someone believes is offensive, whether we agree with it or not. I can’t tell someone that my thoughts on anything isn’t offensive just because I don’t think it is. Though, I’m very certain I say offensive things all the time. I cringe every time my son says “that’s offensive”, but he has a point with the ridiculous things he says is offensive (and he says it jokingly, he isn’t actually offended). I think that we’re becoming wussier every generation. All you ever hear is “____ is offended by _____”. The Christians are offended by a mosque being built nearby, Atheists are offended by the mangers. People are offended a white male pretended he was Jamaican except for people from Jamaica. Everyone is magically all of a sudden offended by everything. There are things that are rightfully considered offensive, like children being abused in any manner and racism/sexism/anything derogative. But seriously, everyone really just needs to take a step back and chill out a little. Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.

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That’s So Random

The first note to start of my unorganized random thoughts edition of today’s blog, I’d like to point out that I enjoy shamelessly promoting my first venture into sucking it up and publishing a story. You should enjoy buying it too, and for only $0.99 you didn’t really lose more than the equivalent of what change falls out of your pocket weekly without you knowing. Enjoy!

My first random thought brings me to the school shooting. I didn’t want to read the list of names of the victims. It’s not that I didn’t want the event to be humanized to me, as what the real intent of releasing those names to the public. It’s partly because it seems to me like it should be private, that these people should be allowed to mourn without having it all over the internet that their kid died. The reminder of those Christmas presents under the tree should be bad enough, they shouldn’t have to see the names everywhere they look. Plus, the selfish part of me admits I didn’t want to look and see my son’s name on that list because that would make it more real, and I didn’t think I could handle it. Against my better judgement I did look, and I did see my son’s name. I read the little note about him, I saw the picture. From then on, I realized more and more that could’ve easily been my son’s school and that could’ve been my son. It wasn’t though, and you can’t help but to feel guilty by being extremely happy for that. Sending him off to school made me be a little nervous, but unfortunately you can only do so much to protect your children, even if you are there every second.

My second random thought also is bordering about the shooting. I can’t help but be happy that Anonymous decided to hack into the Westboro Church member list and make it public to us. I won’t feel guilty if one of those bigoted loud mouths gets hunted down and killed, and I know I shouldn’t say things like that aloud but I mean I can’t be the only one who thinks that. It’s bad enough they go to our soldier’s funerals to protest for no other reason than to make themselves relevant, to protest these innocent children makes me wish that they had to go through the pain. Maybe it isn’t that God hates gay people, maybe God hates intolerance.

The Patriots were terrible last night and I fell asleep at halftime again. Apparently they became less terrible but not quite good enough to make up for all the terrible. The refs are terrible too, but I won’t blame them for the loss. The terrible calls by the refs didn’t make up for all the bad the Patriots did to themselves. I still love my team though, and they’ll do better next week.

My baby is growing up, rolling around on the floor like a champ and lunging forward. He’s a strong little bugger, and it’s hard to keep him down. It’s both awesome and sad to watch them grow so quickly. I love every second, and know that he’s doing so well because he has the love and care of people around him. There are worse things than growing up too fast. He’s very well mannered and just as perfect as his brother. So far (knock on wood), I’m 2 for 2 in the angelic children category.

In the end, you can’t protect your kids or shelter them forever. They are eventually going to find themselves in a position that is scary, they are eventually going to hear things on the news and they are eventually going to ask questions or be told things at school that go against our beliefs. You just have to make sure that you did your best to prepare them mentally for anything that they might come across on the news or in life. That’s our jobs as parents, to protect and prepare.

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An Unique Occassion

Today I am doing two things I never do: make a post about a tragedy and write a post on Saturday. I don’t like to join sensationalized media and don’t want to be viewed as making a profit/a name for myself by piggy backing off a huge tragedy. I also think you guys get sick of me on my normal 3 days, so why should I make you suffer a 4th? But the joy of writing is I do whatever I want, when I want for the sole reason of just expressing something to get it off my mind. If I start a meaningful conversation about a topic, then that just means maybe I did something right. In any case, this post is made more for my sanity to say something that I need to say more than to make a social commentary.

This isn’t going to be about the poor innocent kids that died yesterday. They deserve a lot more respect than they are being given. We don’t need to see a grade schooler commenting on what happened; she needs to be with her family grieving. At some point, journalists forgot they were supposed to report correct and honest unbiased and unagenda-ed news and were there to offer some level of integrity that us lowly people should aspire to. Instead, they spout of repeatedly inaccurate information that differs between every person who views any news. On minute this guy is a suspect, a villain and then it turns out “whoops, we were wrong guys”. The news was more concerned with trying to be the first to report things than giving the people who want to know and understand what’s going on actual facts. Was the shooter a child of a teacher? Maybe. The only thing they seemed to get right were those heart wrenching death tolls. I’m not only mourning those kids, but the hard fact that the people reporting the news don’t really seem to care anymore. But, they were first.

Then, there is gun control. During a tragedy is probably the last time you want talk about this. I care more about what happened and think there’s a level of disrespect to run a commentary on gun control while we’re trying to swallow this news. Give it a day, journalists, at least. The sad truth is gun control wouldn’t help in this case, he stole them. Should there be a psych evaluation and a waiting period on people who want guns? Absolutely I agree. Do I think this would help? Probably not, the sad truth is if someone wants to get a hold on guns to kill a ton of people, they’ll figure out a way. Then who’s to say that’d even help? People can Google how to make a bomb, if they want a mass of people dead they can figure it out.

It’s sickening to me. We need to worry about looking at our kids, thankful they are here with us. We need to look at this tragedy and view is as nothing more than that. Sure, we want to know what’s going on but I’d rather have 100% accurate facts the day after, then be confused for the day it happened. I enjoy hearing both sides of gun control, but I’d enjoy it more if the advocates waited a few days to mention it as to not make martyrs out of these kids for their own agenda.

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How Dare You Hit Your Child

Last night while making my son’s favorite cheese and salsa dip, I looked over while he watched me eagerly and noticed his eye. He had a black eye, that he passed off while in the “just red” stages as a bug bite that his father believed and put bug bite stuff on his eye. I didn’t laugh at him for buying that excuse since I was too tired to notice it myself until this moment. My little almost tween had lied about what it was, yet that wasn’t the top of my concern list.

I will warn you that my first concern might make me seem like a bad parent in most minds. I was concerned about my son and whether he was hurt but since he obviously was fine my concerns went to a different thought. This concern should be a statement more on the state of our society than my job as a mother. I was concerned that some overzealous school employee would see a black eye and automatically assume that my husband or I had hit him. Every time he falls down or hit his head and it leaves a mark, I could only come back to this worry. I know I don’t abuse my kid. The school doesn’t and are hyper-vigilant to avoid issues involving liability tells child services about it. I appreciate the concern, it has its place. They do need to catch abuse and children are too afraid to say something. I’m not opposed to the schools being involved, I’m more concerned about the high prevalence of child abuse.

I told my son before he got on the bus to make sure he told the truth if a teacher asked. Lying would be caught by the teachers and they’d think he was harmed. It did make him come clean how it happened, so there was a bright side. Apparently he was playing football with his bigger cousin, and got a ball to the face. I laughed, all I could think of is when Marcia Brady received a broken nose from a ball to the face. I told him it could be worse and not to lie next time because head injuries are serious and he needs to let us know when he hits his head. We’ll see what happens today and hopefully someday people will stop seriously harming their children.

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I Don’t

The other day I happened to read an online celebrity baby blog and immediately got annoyed. The person was Kristin Cavallari, and I honestly don’t even know who she is except she’s engaged to a crappy NFL quarterback. Apparently it’s noteworthy that she had a baby and wrote about how marriage wasn’t a priority for her, she just wanted to enjoy her kid and have another one soon. I think a few weeks after having a baby is too soon to decide if you’re going to have another one soon, but it’s not my business. I mostly read these things to see the comments afterwards, because there are some downright mean people out there, pretty much just for the sake of being mean it seems. One thing was a theme in the comments, and it really made me get a little frustrated. Repeatedly, people would say “marriage should be a priority if you have kids. I feel sorry for kids of unwed parents.”

I thought about it for a minute. I maybe felt a little bad for this child because his mother is some reality show fame seeker and his father is a terrible quarterback. I stopped feeling so bad for him when I realized even with all that considering, this child will have more money than I could ever dream of seeing let alone making. I certainly didn’t feel bad for him because his parents weren’t married though, and I actually thought we moved away from this idea. Why should she get married? It’s not a fundamental right; if it were then everyone could do it. The minute you start denying people the right to get married because you don’t believe they should be marrying that person completely ruins this argument.

My last problem with this probably goes back to my problems with marriage in general. I don’t feel like anyone should have to get married, it’s not a requirement. I least of all think people should get married because they have a kid together, in fact I think this is a terrible idea to get married for that sole reason. For a lot of people, I think the kid would be better off if the parents didn’t get married because a bad marriage is far more traumatizing to a child than having parents happily with other people or happily unmarried together.

The times have changed. We [should] live in a more accepting society, considering all the changes we’ve witnessed. We do see successful unmarried mothers and we see very openly gay couples having families that are just as “normal” as heterosexual couples. It’s no one’s place to “feel sorry” for children that are raised in families that are different from the traditional. My first son had a great life for a young unwed mother, and he’s excelling in everything he does. I don’t feel sorry for him because I didn’t marry his father, I think one reason he excelled is because we didn’t get married and we’re both much happier for that. Times have changed, and there’s no reason you need to settle for being unhappy because everyone else thinks it’s the right thing to do. The right and moral thing is whatever suits your family and situation, and it’s no one’s right to judge you for that.

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The Direct Correlation

In life, there are events that correlate in an often horrible but hilarious way. For instance, take a man who opposes helmet laws for motorcyclists. In order to promote his cause, said man goes out on his bike without a helmet. Said man gets in an accident where his helmet-less head gets smashed and dies. The lack of helmet when his dumb head hit the ground correlates directly with his death. In turn, we laugh at the stupidity of said man. Well, maybe most people won’t laugh but I definitely did. This argument can also be proven by an intelligent person rowing his boat into the ocean during a hurricane, resulting in his boat sinking and no one being able to help him. That said man died as well.

Then there are situations when people make up these correlations in their often bigoted or presumptuous minds. Like Obama tanked our economy to ruin us from the inside in a Muslim plot to take down America. This says that Obama because of his name and race that he is a Muslim, and all Muslims naturally want to take down America. Sure this is an extreme situation but it helps prove my point and fill 189 words before I get to the main story.

At the beginning of the week, I had to get an ultrasound done as part of my testing to decide when to induce the labor. I get to the waiting room, and I pull out my phone to put it on silent and read the news. This lovely elderly gentleman decided to inform me that the sign clearly states “no cell phone use” and that I should be respectful and turn off my phone. I looked up and decided I wasn’t in the mood to say a word back so I turned off my phone to appease the man and put it back in my purse. Then, the presumptuous correlations occurred. “What do I expect? If people are sinful enough to have children out-of-wedlock and flaunt it, of course they wouldn’t know how to read a sign and turn off their cell phone. These kids are growing up to be disrespectful sinners and it’s a result of the godless and liberal society we’ve allowed to occur here. These kids need to learn to read classics and not cell phones or vampire series.”

He didn’t say it to me, though I’m not dumb enough to think that this wasn’t directly aimed at me. Of course his assumptions are wrong on 2 levels: I am married, not that there’s anything wrong with children out-of-wedlock as long as they are loved and cared for; and I graduated college with a B.A. in English, with a focus on literature. All that aside, this man felt that without knowing me that he could tell me all about my life and take two of his pet peeves he might have and take it out on me. Correlations are fine, when you start reaching negative correlations based on discriminatory beliefs. Next time, that old man will get my full wrath, but I did learn that I should probably be more aware of wearing my wedding band “necklace”.

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Things I Learned From the News Today

Before I get started, after some thought and convincing from friends, I’ve decided to tweak my format a bit. While I’ll still keep my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday format, the topics will be changing. Monday and Wednesday will still exist as usual, with whatever I feel the need to discuss that day with the recently new focus on current happenings in my life and as a parent/expectant parent. However on Fridays, I’ve decided to focus on my experiences as a teen and single mother. It was brought to my attention that I shouldn’t be wondering where a role model for people in that situation is; I should be someone to step up and be the role model. The only real way to make a change in the world is to be that change. I’ve preached it enough, I should stand by what I say and do it, otherwise what’s the point in asking other people to. My hope is that eventually after sharing my experiences I’ll have enough attention and readers where I can give advice to other people in that same position. With that said, if I do get attention of people in need of honest advice, I’ll be setting up an email for questions or anything else. I’ll answer to the best of my ability on my Friday blogs or a return email or both, depending on what the person wishes. I hope that this succeeds or even helps at least a few people who find themselves in a situation that still is looked down upon in our day of “acceptance”.

Now… to the post.

What I learned from the local news today: Apparently it’s been studies that spanking a child could lead to adult mental illness. I understand that real abuse can, that’s already something that has been proven. But really? A spank on a misbehaving child could lead to mental illness? I’ve done a study too about not spanking your kid. From that study I learned kids that didn’t get spanked also grew up with a mental defect: It’s called “entitled spoiled brat that doesn’t follow rules”. I was spanked, my husband was spanked, everyone I know my age or older was. We weren’t hurt, the sound was the scary part, and it was never done in anger. I think kids need the fear of God in their parents to stay in line, whether you actually spank them or just threaten them and scare them out of their behaviors. It does work. I’m definitely not saying that hitting your kid is something you should do often as a main punishment or to abuse them. But I also think when people complain about how out of control their kids are and how out of control these other kids are growing up to be, we need to reconsider something that has worked in the past. Besides, this could easily be one of those studies like “what causes cancer this week?” Eventually we’re going to learn that cancer is caused by something predestined in our own system as a result of our genetics, and likewise we’re going to learn that kids that were spanked once or twice growing up isn’t the reason they had mental illness but that they were just genetically short-sticked.

What I learned from Anderson Cooper coming out: I don’t think anyone’s shocked, and I’m certain that most people will still love him. I know I do. I also don’t think this is real news, we need to stop focusing on what celebrities are gay. It’s not our business anymore than it is our business that we’re straight. They don’t walk down the street and debate if I’m straight, why should I debate their sexual orientation. I do acknowledge that people like him and Matt Bomer who are normally private about their personal life needed to speak up to show they weren’t ashamed of who they are, but what does that say about our culture that they need to tell the world and be branded as the “gay actor” or “gay journalist” to get people to not be ashamed of who they are and get bullies to accept them.

What I learned from Fox News: This next bit doesn’t just apply to Fox News, all the news organizations are guilty of this. However, I witnessed this on that channel so they get credit in the title. They were doing a segment on a Syrian activist’s funeral in which the Syrian government may or may not have bombed. (It’s not my place to say either way, it’s irrelevant to the point.) They show a clip where the body is being paraded through the center in celebration of the activist’s work, when all you see is an explosion and smoke and chaos. I remember growing up and they wouldn’t even show the bodies that were uncovered in Iraq from Saddam Hussein’s genocidal regime. All the bodies were blurred out, and they spoke over as they scanned the area. The blurred images were enough to show how awful of a person he was. Flash forward to last Olympics when the luger died on impact hitting a pole on the way down his track. It was live, so seeing it once couldn’t be avoided. For the rest of the night and week, we rewatched this image so many times that it was stuck in our minds. When did we arrive at a time when the news was worse for our kids to watch than an R-rated gory horror movie with sex and violence? The news should be just that, a source of information for current events. They shouldn’t need to show us horrific images to get more viewers. Let’s get back to reporting the news.