In the Christmas Spirit

I’ve never been one to have the Christmas spirit. I remind readers and my friends of that all of the time. I just don’t dig it. I do have some great friends that knew exactly what to get me: wine. While I haven’t been able to indulge in it as of this writing, I’m sure I will eventually. They didn’t spend a fortune on the presents that they gave me; it was the thought that counted. And I loved the gifts and very grateful for them. I have friends that didn’t give me anything except wishing me health and happiness for the holiday. I have the greatest friends in the world. Knowing that I had their friendship was equally important as the bottles of wine. I don’t need gifts. I need the things that can’t be bought.

The problem with the holiday, and part of the reason why I can’t get into the Christmas spirit, is because of the idea of materialism. It’s all about the stuff. People get mad because you didn’t spend enough on them, equating the love of the gift-giver to how much money they spent on the gift. Equating the cost of something rather than equating one’s love to the thought that was put into the gift. Sometimes I think that people who equate the monetary to the love of another is a selfish person. I feel as though they lost sight of what’s important. It doesn’t matter that my ring is smaller than some people; what matters is the love of my husband. I barely even wear my rings because it’s just stuff. Stuff doesn’t matter. Stuff can be lost or you can outgrow it. It’s harder to lose people or outgrow the person.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand the importance of fancy gifts. My parents always raised me of the belief that it was the thought behind the gifts. I remember one year my parents bought me some of what would be my favorite CDs to this day. They didn’t spend an exceedingly massive amount of money on those gifts. But they were music that I loved and that meant more to me than anything else. My parents raised me to be grateful for whatever we were given, even if it was just a simple card with well-wishes or a hug. It’s those things that matter. Not some expensive object that you may never use.

I made it my mission to not use any credit cards this Christmas. Everything that I bought was with our debit card, even those more expensive gifts the kids got. Why? My husband wants a new car and my oldest will be going to college. So I had a budget and I stuck to it because it wasn’t how much I spent on the gift; I believe that it matters more gift was something that made them smile. That was perfect for them.

There’s always the pressure of outspending people because other people value the monetary value of the gift, rather than the idea of the gift. It makes people anxious. It causes people to go into debt unnecessarily. It’s not important. The gifts aren’t the important thing. It’s the phone call from family, just talking about the holiday because you couldn’t be there with them. It was the waves through the window after they dropped off gifts. It’s the reminder that they are there for you, just to be there for you. That’s what’s important. And it’s sad that so many people forget that.

So be grateful for the gifts that you did or didn’t get, because it doesn’t matter. You won’t remember that so and so bought you this or that for the holiday. But you will remember those memories that you made while eating cinnamon rolls and bacon while watching movies and opening gifts. Or playing a game of Monopoly or playing a game on the new console, watching everyone failing. It’s the laughter and smiles. It’s the togetherness even at a time when we can’t really be together. That’s what the holidays are supposed to be about.

Just When You Realize How Time Flies…

… and realize how you’ve grown since then.

I’m not sentimental or romantic in the normal sense. I don’t have a ton of pictures, I have enough to remind me of certain events without being overwhelmed in a dozen boxes of pictures. I didn’t save my bouquet and if my wedding dress and veil weren’t in my closet, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell you where it was. I could tell you how much it cost, but I don’t remember any detail about it. I couldn’t tell you what I wore on my first date or when it was. Even when I talk about my husband, I don’t think I express more than adoration for him hoping that my emotions are at least written in between the lines. I don’t feel like my best writing comes out with pure love, maybe love in a nonsensical idea but not in a romantic way.

I’d like to share something I wrote 9 years ago and I ended up marrying that person in the end, with no help of my own. I admit I spent most of the time foolishly defying whatever fate had been laid out for me. I screwed up a lot, mostly as a result of lacking a romantic bone in my body and fearing any sort of commitment. Most of all, I feared I was too damaged and felt I didn’t deserve the person that stood before me and promised to love me. I ran, and I’m ashamed to admit it. After a series of events, I did grow up and got smart about life. Maybe I was wrong the entire time I said that “love was nothing more than lust, and we’d lie if we denied it”. I could be right, because without several forms of lust we wouldn’t fall for a person. But love, love is what keeps those 2 people together because lust can fade. If you have to compromise the person you are and the beliefs you have 100%, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. True love is where you’re allowed to be exactly who you are without feeling like you’re a fool. True love lets you be free to do what you want knowing that you both come back to each other at the end of the day. If there’s any doubt in that, maybe you need to reconsider your situation. It’s all give and take, and you shouldn’t give more in a relationship than you get. That’s not love; that’s being walked on.

To close, I did promise to share something before I went into a long-winded rant. So here it is. I’m glad I got my head together and came back, our family is perfect and I’m pretty sure not having it would be my biggest regret. I’m glad we got our “reboot”, we’re stronger than ever and I’m sure that’s what makes our marriage as strong and happy as it is.

“My Adonis”

If I could, I’d give you the stars. And if you would, I’d like a few minutes of your time, to sit and tell you a story. A story of a beautiful man, worthy of his own galaxy; whose mind equals in beauty. I’d share with you my dreams of him, and moments I wish for.

I’d tell you how he laughs and his radiant smile. I’d tell you how he makes me feel, and how I wish he felt.

I’d tell you how I fancy to dance with him under the stars, and share a most perfect kiss. I’d tell you how I saw him, in the stars’ light.

I’d tell you how I wish he held me. I share with my hopes of ‘us’. I’d share that I wish that he saw me as I saw him.

If I could, I’d hold him close, and hear his heart beat. I would listen to each breath, and wish that he breathed me.

.. Most importantly, I’d tell you that you’re the beautiful man my whole story was about.