… and realize how you’ve grown since then.

I’m not sentimental or romantic in the normal sense. I don’t have a ton of pictures, I have enough to remind me of certain events without being overwhelmed in a dozen boxes of pictures. I didn’t save my bouquet and if my wedding dress and veil weren’t in my closet, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell you where it was. I could tell you how much it cost, but I don’t remember any detail about it. I couldn’t tell you what I wore on my first date or when it was. Even when I talk about my husband, I don’t think I express more than adoration for him hoping that my emotions are at least written in between the lines. I don’t feel like my best writing comes out with pure love, maybe love in a nonsensical idea but not in a romantic way.

I’d like to share something I wrote 9 years ago and I ended up marrying that person in the end, with no help of my own. I admit I spent most of the time foolishly defying whatever fate had been laid out for me. I screwed up a lot, mostly as a result of lacking a romantic bone in my body and fearing any sort of commitment. Most of all, I feared I was too damaged and felt I didn’t deserve the person that stood before me and promised to love me. I ran, and I’m ashamed to admit it. After a series of events, I did grow up and got smart about life. Maybe I was wrong the entire time I said that “love was nothing more than lust, and we’d lie if we denied it”. I could be right, because without several forms of lust we wouldn’t fall for a person. But love, love is what keeps those 2 people together because lust can fade. If you have to compromise the person you are and the beliefs you have 100%, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. True love is where you’re allowed to be exactly who you are without feeling like you’re a fool. True love lets you be free to do what you want knowing that you both come back to each other at the end of the day. If there’s any doubt in that, maybe you need to reconsider your situation. It’s all give and take, and you shouldn’t give more in a relationship than you get. That’s not love; that’s being walked on.

To close, I did promise to share something before I went into a long-winded rant. So here it is. I’m glad I got my head together and came back, our family is perfect and I’m pretty sure not having it would be my biggest regret. I’m glad we got our “reboot”, we’re stronger than ever and I’m sure that’s what makes our marriage as strong and happy as it is.

“My Adonis”

If I could, I’d give you the stars. And if you would, I’d like a few minutes of your time, to sit and tell you a story. A story of a beautiful man, worthy of his own galaxy; whose mind equals in beauty. I’d share with you my dreams of him, and moments I wish for.

I’d tell you how he laughs and his radiant smile. I’d tell you how he makes me feel, and how I wish he felt.

I’d tell you how I fancy to dance with him under the stars, and share a most perfect kiss. I’d tell you how I saw him, in the stars’ light.

I’d tell you how I wish he held me. I share with my hopes of ‘us’. I’d share that I wish that he saw me as I saw him.

If I could, I’d hold him close, and hear his heart beat. I would listen to each breath, and wish that he breathed me.