Category Archives: Writing

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I’m Brianne and I’m Undeclared

And there it was. I became an Undeclared (Unenrolled) voter on the National Voter Registration day. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t be a part of any party in this corrupt 2 party system. I’m not a follower. I don’t like being told what to think. I’ve never been very good at being told what to do. I don’t follow blindly. I march to my own little beat. I believe what I believe and I don’t change that unless I have an eye-opening experience that has informed me that I was wrong. I accept that I can be wrong. I’m open-minded enough to consider that I’m wrong. I’m apparently a rarity in this country right now.

Ultimately, that designation on the voter registration form doesn’t matter. I still have to choose a side when I vote in a primary. Maybe I’ll decide to vote in a Republican primary to put in a decent candidate for once. Maybe I’ll opt for the Democrat party in hopes that they don’t pick Elizabeth Warren ever for their pick. I mean, ever. It’s bad enough that I have resigned to the fact I have to vote for her in the Senate race on the grounds that I’m morally opposed to the stances of Geoff Diehl on social issues. I cannot in good conscience vote for someone like that, as much as I despise everything Elizabeth Warren stands for.

Unfortunately, that’s the big problem these days. Quality people that care aren’t successfully running  for office. You have people that are either mad with power or want the financial incentives of kickbacks by the lobbyists. They get to live their cushy lives while screwing the American people. They’re okay with that. Elizabeth Warren is content on her soap box fighting for the cause of the day. Grandstanding, even. But honestly, I’d rather her grandstanding over LGBT rights rather than voicing how much they want to silence that community. Aside from being against bathroom laws, it’s hard to say what his real opinions are on the topic as I was unable to find his beliefs on the topic. But being against Transgender discrimination is enough for me to not cast my vote for him. I’m a proud ally and I stand by the LGBT community.

The two “major” political parties need to stop this pattern of becoming more radical every election cycle. I remember once that someone said the Republican party was better because they had their own opinions and didn’t follow blindly as the Democrats did with Obama. Only now that Trump is in office, you see that they are there following blindly being led by a man who is both blind and deaf. Those who scream the loudest though…

I wish I had the ability to start a revolution in this country, one of thought not violence. Where I could let people know that their “major” political party is lying to them, it doesn’t matter if you’re a Republican or Democrat. Both of these parties use extremism and fear-mongering to get your attention. They lead by fear because fear is a powerful motivator to keep people in line and following the pack. It’s a great way to mind control the masses and spoiler alert: it’s working.

This year when you go into the voting booth, think about what you know about every candidate and issue you will be voting on. Educate yourself because you can’t trust the mass media to educate you. They have their own agendas, ones that have been bought by the highest bidder. Think about what you stand for and refuse to compromise that for anyone. If you believe it, vote it and to hell with everyone else. I just want people to educate themselves on a topic or person before just voting for whatever letter happens to be next to a name.

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And We Never Sent Out the Thank You Cards

Apparently even today, thank you cards are important even for birthday parties. The world ends if you forget. It obviously means that you are an ungrateful, horrible human being if you forget to do something that only takes but a moment of a time to send. How dare you?

How dare I. My youngest son had his birthday in September. I’m usually very diligent, sending out the thank you cards to the ones who like them within a week. To be fair, they were promptly written out. That’s the last we saw of those cards. Did we send them? My gut tells me no. My gut tells me that they were shuffled around in the hub of activity that is our house. There is the option of resending it, only the realization that I forgot a seemingly simple task over a month ago may have past the proper time to send it according to etiquette rules.

The fact is, we were busy. I spend more days that not reading emails from my youngest son’s teacher informing me of struggles he’s having in school. I have to manage the anxiety of my youngest son without letting mine get in the way. I have to spend more time than I’d like to admit in a day explaining that no, there isn’t a tornado or the fact that a paper was accidentally brought home isn’t the end of the world. It’s not easy like the days of monsters hiding. Now, monsters seem to be everything and there’s seemingly nothing I can do to stop it.

Every morning, I wake up at 6. I make sure my oldest is up and ready for school. I then start work. I’ll get started writing out blogs, most of which I end up tossing in the pit of despair known as the “Drafts” folder. I consider if I even want to blog today or revive the “Deleted Blog” series, where I put out those aforementioned blogs that I have (for whatever reason) decided not to post. I opt against it. (Though honestly, writing this now I probably will start using these as filler when I’m stuck with writer’s block or busy with appointments and can’t put a blog out, just for consistency’s sake.) I edit emails for clients. I lurk Reddit for Overwatch League/Overwatch news (and other things, because I’m now a constant Reddit lurker) to help me come up with ideas for blogs. I accomplish a lot in that one hour, which people don’t realize because “I don’t have a job”. I do. This is my job.

Then the morning gets crazy at 7. This is when I start the struggle of waking up my youngest. I listen to him cry and yell at me because we’re going to be late for school. Then as I walk him to school, some days I have to listen to him sob about how he doesn’t want to go to school. I walk back to the house to calm him down only to hear “WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!” By 8:30am, I realize that I have already been beaten down by failure for the day. It takes the rest of the day to work my way up from this feeling of being the worst mom on the planet. I spend the rest of the day working. I finish up my blogs and make sure they are scheduled to post on time. I stream to get my name out there, to raise my “brand awareness”. I work for my clients, writing articles and doing whatever else needs to be done. Sometimes, I don’t even finish everything I need to for work until 11pm. This includes family responsibilities of cooking, laundry, and trying to calm down my child because something set him off. If I’m lucky, I’m passed out by midnight. Sometimes the estimate is a lot later. Sometimes I wake up a lot earlier and get started.

At some points during this schedule, I have to handle making sure my oldest gets his overpriced class ring. I have to start getting him signed up for swimming. I have to research new ways to work with my youngest on managing his “quirks”. I spend a lot of time doing things that people don’t see. But, I obviously had time to mail out a thank you card and there’s no excuse for that level of inconsideration. It doesn’t matter that every day feels like you’re drowning because something has gone wrong so much that you sit back and wonder what you failed at to get to this point. The simple act of not sending out a thank you card epitomizes the guilt that I feel on a regular basis. The guilt that I’m not doing enough. I look at my house right now. It’s not a complete disaster, but it’s pretty messy. Will I get around to cleaning it today? That’s going to be a hard “no”, but I figure I’ll just not sleep tonight to get it done. Or I’ll pass out of exhaustion and get judged for another failure.

That’s the problem though. As a mom, I’m programmed to feel like I’ve failed at everything. We’re taught to think that our best just isn’t good enough. We’re supposed to feel guilty for our shortcomings. I spent too much time on my “not-work” because “writing isn’t a job” and I should have been cleaning for 8 hours while making sure I handle sending out a thank you card. My life is simple enough, right? We dwell on these perceived failures. I’ll probably think about that thank you card and wonder if it ever made it out all day. I’ll worry about being judged or have people think that I didn’t appreciate them because I forgot proper etiquette. I’ll worry all day about my child at school, who just now had a moment of hysteria about going to school. Because today, like yesterday, I have failed. Even if I didn’t really fail, I failed. If you know a mom, she probably feels like she failed today to. Let them know that they didn’t. They need to hear it more than you think.

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The Most Important Ring… No, Not that One

I’m not a very sentimental person. Every now and then something hits me in a sentimental way, but otherwise not really. I think I’ve only looked at my wedding pictures to choose which ones get put on the wall. I don’t save report cards or spend a fortune on photography for them. I don’t even know where my high school year book is. Sentiment is really not something I specialize in. This fact probably adds onto my reputation for being cold. I like to think that I’m not cold; just overly rational. Just like I like to think that I’m not cheap; I’m just “thrifty” or “frugal” or “fiscally conservative”.

Last week my oldest son came home with an order book for his class ring. I never had a class ring. I don’t even think I wanted one. My son, he bleeds Colt blue and gold. (Which is hilarious because as it turns out, his ring will have neither blue or gold on it.) He lives in his championship swim coat or his “name” swimming hoodie. Sometimes both, depending on the weather. He probably has a dozen other hoodies for his school as well. He’ll probably want the beanie too, come swim season. Needless to say, he wants this ring. I refused to look at the book because expensive things tend to make me get nervous.

Finally, I sat down with the book. I never swear in front of my kids, but I was certainly going off on that book. “That ring is more than my mortgage!” “I could buy a month’s worth of groceries with the price of that ring!” I said “No”. I admit it. I said “No”. The only selling factor for it is unlike every other expensive thing that I’ve bought him, he can’t chew through a ring even with his rodent teeth. I want to give my boy the world… but between that and needing to come up with money for Senior dues, and everything else. It seemed  unrealistic to me to purchase this high ticket item, especially for a kid that seems to lose everything.

However, my husband is a sucker. He’s everything I’m not. He’s not frugal. He’s very much a sentimental guy. And he has this inability to say “No” to either of the boys. His boys get the world and that’s that. If he had a daughter, I’m pretty sure she would break him. He asked our son if he had a ring in mind. “No, I didn’t want to get my heart set on something and have you guys say I couldn’t get it.” Reasonable. He’s overly logical like me. My husband responded, “pick one, within reason.” My not-so little boy’s eyes lit up. He excitedly picked through until he picked “the ring”. I gave a max of $400. This ring was right there at the max, only to go over with the price of the $20 box and such. I cringed. He looked further and saw a ring that he liked more, could get everything he wanted, and even with the $20 add on, was just under this $400 limit. (It’s a black metal with a topaz, his birthstone.) He was going to put the tennis and swimming icons on it. Get a crest. He was excited. He even picked it out right down to the look of the gem.

Me? I’m happy that he’s happy. I keep obsessing over the numbers, because that’s what I do. For the price of this ring, he better wear it. So help me, he better wear it. My husband, walks away the hero for the day (and ever in the eyes of everyone in this family.) Maybe today we’ll go to the school and order it, while I cry. Not because my son is a sophomore who is going through all of these rites of passages. But because I’m about to plunk down $400 on an overpriced class ring. I just hope that maybe I’ll get a coupon for the yearbook or something.

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Pondering Question #1

In my last election day post, I passionately discussed Question 3 and what it meant. It was easy to write about that one. I’m very passionate about a person’s basic human right to dignity. I’m very passionate about supporting the rights of the LGBT community. I could write 1000 posts on why transgender discrimination is something that is a big problem. I’m also against fearmongering. So, I was eager to explain what the yes or no vote meant on Question 3. Here is the post, in case you were interested. I also promised that I would address the other questions on the ballot. There are only 3 this year, so it isn’t too bad.

Well… except that I’m still not 100% clear on what I’m going to do about Question 1. What this law aims to do is to limit the amount of patients that are assigned to registered nurses. There are a lot of complexities to this law, as seen here. By voting “Yes” on Question 1, you are voting for officials to regulate how many patients a nurse is responsible for while a “No” vote changes nothing. It seems pretty straight forward.

The problem for me is that I see both sides of it. More personalized care is better for the patient. This could help prevent mistakes. This helps nurses better do their jobs, which is not just about being a medical professional but a caring and empathetic professional that can take care of their patients on a deeper level than a doctor often will. My best friends are in the medical field: one is a nurse and one will be (but may as well be one already). I know no matter what, they will help me through anything. And I know that this is something that they share with every one of their patients. Nurses are more than the glorified secretaries and assistants to doctors like you see on television. They are on the front lines every day, making every patient feel as comfortable as they possibly can be. They certainly deserve a lot more credit than they seem to get. I feel like this will also help to ensure that patients get the attention that they need, which can only help to save lives.

I also see the downsides. I don’t like forcing a lot of regulations, though I’m not so against them that I don’t see the need for them in a lot of cases. A nurse should know their own personal limits. Everyone has their own limits. Some are capable of taking on more patients while still offering stellar care while others may not be able to. It doesn’t mean that one nurse is better than the other. I can only handle so many article assignments every day, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a terrible writer (Maybe a bad example). I just know the limit before my work becomes a hot mess. Letting nurses make this decision for themselves on a case by case basis could be a much better approach. There is also the fact that this could easily cause wait times to increase and for costs to rise. Maybe if the millionaires running the hospital took a cut, they could afford the nurses without making patients pay more. However, they are greedy and like being multi-millionaires who run a business. Because to them, a hospital is a business.

Since I can completely get both sides of the argument, I’m completely lost. I’m a logical person, but I feel like the flaw here is that the logical choice is going to get ruined by people. Because people ruin everything. I’ll gladly listen to arguments on both sides to help me come to a decision, but it may be a gut instinct vote as I get into the election booth.

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Being Taught Your Place in the Gender Roles Game

How many times have you heard, “You’re a (insert gender here), that’s not how you’re supposed to behave…”? “Boys will be boys.” I even roll my eyes muttering “boys…” at my children. It’s a conditioned reaction that we’re just used to. The gender roles are very clear. Women tend to women things and men tend to man things. That’s just how it’s supposed to be.

I have been given awful looks when I mention that as soon as it was age appropriate, I taught my older son to do laundry. “But, he’s a boy…” Yes, but he’s a boy that’s going to be self-sufficient. His wife will thank me. I’m not going to do my adult son’s laundry if he never gets married nor do I think his wife should be forced to do it. My younger son now helps with laundry for the same reason. I get the same awful lectures when I mention how I’m teaching my older son to cook. I give the same reasons of self-sufficiency. How do I know he’s going to get married? I don’t believe in marriage so why should I force him to be?

I thought we had moved away from these ideals of traditional roles, but they still seem alive and well. “Why did you fix your screen window? You should’ve waited for your husband to do that.” Why should I have waited? It never would’ve gotten done and I wanted to be able to let fresh air in without bugs. I’m more than capable of it. My Mom never taught me to be demure. Or maybe she tried and my Dad told me to ignore her. I don’t even remember. But I definitely don’t remember ever wanting to be a princess waiting for a Prince Charming. Though there was a time when I wanted to be Phoebe from Mystic Quest. My Mom taught me the basics of sewing. I could hem pants, patch clothing, and fix buttons. My Dad, Mom, and older brother taught me how to cook. My Dad taught me about tools and bought me a tool set for a Mother’s Day present shortly before my husband and I bought our house. I was fortunate that my parents never really pushed those roles on me, though I have no idea how to mow a lawn but I’m not sure if it’s because they thought I was too weak as a girl to do it or because I’m so clumsy that they didn’t want to bother. It’s probably the latter.

I don’t believe in teaching my children about those traditional gender roles. Sure, they see that Mommy works from home and takes care of the kids while Daddy goes to work. Mommy cooks supper for everyone. Mommy is the one that comforts everyone while they’re sick and Daddy does yard work. Daddy handles the pest control situation of removing dead mice that our cat destroys or killing the earwig that scared Mommy out of the shower. But I will teach them everything that I can to turn them into modern men. They will be able to do their own laundry, and even offer to take care of their partner’s as well. They will learn to respect women, that they are not there to be their slaves. They will not raise their hand to a woman or disrespect them when they say “no”. They will learn about consent. They will learn that being manly isn’t about knocking a woman down or “putting her in her place”. Women are not to be controlled or manipulated just like women should not control and manipulate men. Relationships are partnerships, not ownerships.

My boys will learn to be self-sufficient, respectful men who are going to change the world for the better. I want them to know that being sensitive and compassionate isn’t a weakness. That Dads can cook, do laundry, and take care of babies. That around the home, there’s no such thing as “man’s work”. That in the real world, they need to respect a female boss just as they would a male one. My hope, is that other parents do as well. There is such a focus on “teaching little girls”, but I feel like there’s not enough about “teaching little boys”. All kids should learn to take care of themselves. Girls should know as much about cooking as they do about fixing a pipe in the kitchen (within reason; some jobs are better left for professionals). Women shouldn’t have to wait for their husbands to fix a clogged toilet or a cabinet door. Kids should all have a well-rounded education in “how to function and be self-sufficient” no matter what their gender is.

 

 

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I Watch for Talent, Not Politics

Over the weekend, the talk of the town was how dare/how brave Taylor Swift was for finally speaking out about politics. How she has lost/gained fans for voicing her opinion. How awful/great celebrities are for using their platform to brainwash/inspire the masses. Taylor Swift is a disappointment/true role model for the masses. You can easily circle the way you feel on the topic. I, personally, take a route of “I don’t really care” and “This has no real impact on my life”.

I love Ron Swanson GIFs. Spare a few Gir (aka: the Best Part of Invader Zim) GIFs, I only use Ron Swanson GIFs unless I couldn’t find the perfect one. I usually do and it makes me very happy with life. One time, like usual, I nailed a perfectly timed Ron Swanson GIF on a political post. A family member responded back with “too bad he’s a total liberal IRL”. My response: “I don’t care what he is, Ron Swanson is hilarious. I watch things to be entertained and if I’m entertained than I don’t care.” A person’s political ideals outside of the context of a show has no impact on whether or not I like them. Do I dislike Kanye’s music and personality because he is Pro-Trump? Nope, I dislike him because I think he’s an arrogant, jerk and I think his music sucks. Do I hate “Last Man Standing” because Tim Allen is a Republican? I dislike it because it’s a rebranded “Home Improvement” only less funny. Do I agree with everything John Oliver believes politically? Nope, but I die laughing every time I watch his show. I didn’t want “Newsroom” because I found it preachy and poorly written. I don’t agree with a lot of Tom Selleck’s politics, but I love him in “Blue Bloods”.

Maybe I’m just weird, but I like to watch things that entertain me. I get enough of politics everywhere else in the world. That’s not to say I don’t like watching sitcoms address serious topics or express opinions. But I want to be entertained while they are doing it. The opinions themselves have no impact on me. (I suppose, to a point. If someone does something completely off the rails, like spewing hateful comments or proudly displaying their Nazi gear I may be less inclined to want them to support them in anything that offers financial gain.) In general though, I don’t care. I barely listened to Taylor Swift as it is, aside from maybe 1 song (unless I’m working out. She does some great high energy music.) Will I listen to her more now because she made a political stance? Nope. It has no effect on me.

Now, if Taylor Swift had gone on a tangent about how anyone who was a Republican should be lynched and white people should be ashamed of being white and formed a group that was just as hateful as the KKK but was violent against people who didn’t agree with them, then yeah I would totally be all about destroying her career. But who cares? I love seeing comments from 65 year old people going “Well Taylor Swift just lost this fan”. Seriously, you probably didn’t even know who she was until either your grand-daughter idolized her or you saw the article on Fox News about being outraged for her spreading the liberal agenda. On the other side, “This grandma is going to start listening to Taylor because she’s so brave” because of the praise from the left-leaning media. No… no you won’t. This won’t affect her career at all. In fact, more kids may like her because some households will actually ban their kids from listening to it and if Mommy hates her then I have to do whatever it takes to listen to her. Because we’re a divided nation that can’t separate opinions and entertainment.

She never said to only vote Democrat. She never said that you had to vote the same way she did. If people bothered to read what she said, she made a clear case on a fundamental level why she was voting the way she was voting. She used facts and said “She voted against this, this, and this and doesn’t stand for the same things I do”. She then went on to say that you should vote for whoever candidate best represents your ideals. If you’re going to go political, that’s the way you do it. You encourage people to vote however they want to, but they have to vote. They have to vote for their ideals, whatever they may be. Hers in this case happened to be Democratic. I don’t see them complaining too much when Republican celebrities do the same. In fact, I remember they applauded celebrities for their “bravery” when it suited them.

Am I more inclined today to listen to Taylor Swift than I was? Nope. I wouldn’t have even known had it not been plastered all over the news or social media. A celebrity is just as entitled to have an opinion as everyone else does. Should they tell their fans that they need to listen to them or stop being a fan? Absolutely not. That crosses a line. That shows they are interested in spreading an agenda. Telling people they need to go out and vote and then mention who you are voting for? I do that all the time. I don’t care if the person that listens to me goes out to vote and votes a different way. It just matters that they vote based on facts and conscience. This election season, go out and vote. I will vote for Republicans and Democrats on my ballot, based on the job they have done in the past and if they align with my beliefs just like I’ve always done. Maybe things would be a lot better out there if people did the same.

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Today’s Controversial Political Post: The Supreme Court

I’m a writer. I’m a student of literature. I’m not a Poli-Sci major from an elite school. I’m just a writer with an opinion. That’s a scary thing to be in such a divisive world today. While some pass their opinions (often ill-informed ones, at that) off as facts, I very clearly point out that I write opinions. If I had to separate myself from personal bias to write a piece, I could easily do so unless I’m told to write something that is absolutely against my beliefs. I won’t lie and I won’t lie about something I so passionately believe in. These scruples are what led my journey away from the world of journalism.

Today, I’m theorizing based on my own opinions about the recent events in the Supreme Court. I’m theorizing what I think the Supreme Court should do and be. Opinions. These are opinions that you don’t have to agree with. I’m certain that some will be angry and post about how I’m just a dumb writer, a pawn for the liberals. I’m not a pawn for the liberals. You may have a point with the “just a dumb writer” thing though. I concede that point.

I watched part of the Brett Kavanaugh testimony. I watched enough to pick up on tells, where he was obviously lying. The thing about writers is that they have a keen eye for observation, something very useful when you are delving into creating characters. Every sip of water, every bit of body language sang like a bird. I won’t argue whether or not he did it. If he did, he has no place on the Supreme Court. (If you want my opinion, my instincts tell me he definitely did it. Still opinion.) This is about whether or not he was lying, which I could say with a fair amount of certainty that he was. When asked a question he was nervous about answering, he sipped from his glass of water. In the short time I watched, he easily drank 3 bottles of water. (exaggeration, but that was a lot of water.) He resorted to yelling and evasion tactics when he was trying to avoid the lie. Then when he lied, his face contorted. He lied. I don’t think that innocent people can’t lie. But a Supreme Court nominee is held to a higher standard, as should anyone in such a powerful position including our President should be held.

If this was a temporary position of power, I probably would let the lying thing slide. It’s not. The problem with the Supreme Court is that it is a lifetime appointment. If he goes through, we will have a (again, my opinion) questionable human being who doesn’t seem to have any concern about the law on the seat of the highest court in our country. If the people of the Republican party were smart about this, they would have cut their losses as soon as they found out (potentially months ago) rather than back a sub-par choice. They would have found someone better fit for the position. I would have respected it if they did that. The Supreme Court justice is not supposed to represent a party; they are supposed to represent the constitution. More and more, the job that they are supposed to be doing is coming down to party lines much like the rest of the country. It’s not supposed to be that way. It wasn’t intended to be that way. This fact makes it even more important to consider maybe not having lifetime terms.

The end result, and I could be very wrong here, is that they push Kavanaugh through and rile up the masses. Some, not as logical as I am, would be pissed based on the fact that Occupy Democrats told them to be pissed. Me? I’m bothered because I think he is unfit because of how this whole thing happened. The masses will fight and any Republican that was teetering on the edge of losing will probably lose. In fact, that may be exactly why they are rushing this anyways because they know that things may not be looking so great for them right now and they need to get a guy in before midterms take place. Ultimately, this could be a huge downfall in a country were people are already getting bored with the current way things are getting done.

As an independent who has been very vocal about my stance on getting rid of the 2-party system in place, this does make me a little happy to watch the world burn. Maybe now people will realize that maybe this 2-party system isn’t working out, that neither party gives a crap about. them. 3rd party candidates might not either, but at least then you have more viable choices than some talking head from one of 2 parties. I hope Kavanaugh doesn’t get confirmed not because he was nominated by Trump but because I want someone that is trustworthy, someone who upholds the law of the land not a party’s agenda. I fear that Kavanaugh is a party man, not a law man.

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Just a Girl’s Opinion on Question 3

I don’t like to get too political here. Why? Because I have enough stress in my life, I don’t need randos on the internet telling me what I think and why I’m wrong in an aggressive manner. If people were more polite, engaging in thought-provoking discourse rather than slinging whatever awful words first pour from their mouths, I’d consider it. Sure, I broadly discuss things without the intention of convincing people to think like me. I don’t voter-information-2018want people to think like me. I want people think. For themselves. Without caring about what other people think.

Today may be the day that I change that. Yesterday, we received our election year booklet of information: the Massachusetts Information for Voters booklet. The one that discusses what’s going to be on the ballot and the for and against arguments for each question. While I keep debating whether or not I’m going to do a series on these with my opinions (OPINIONS, not facts. These are 2 very different concepts.), I had to say something about Question 3:   A subject that I feel very passionately about and will stand up for every single time.

To brief people who may not be aware of it, Question 3 addresses Transgender Discrimination (rather, Anti-Discrimination). Unlike most questions, something that I think was made to confuse voters purposefully to deceive them, a “Yes” vote actually leaves the current law alone. The “No” vote undoes a very important piece of this law: prohibiting discrimination against Transgender individuals. In short: If you feel as though people should use the bathroom for the gender they identify as, then you want to vote “Yes”. If not, you want to vote “No”.

I know how I very clearly stand on this topic, so I could have utterly convinced someone who doesn’t agree with me to vote a certain way through misleading text. Instead, I clearly expressed that “Yes” keeps the bill as is, while “No” repeals this anti-discrimination section. See? I did it again.

If you have followed my blog, you know how I stand on the issue. (See: It’s All About the Bathrooms) I’m very much pro-itsnoneofmydamnbusiness. If no one is getting hurt and it doesn’t have any effect on me, I really don’t even think about it. Am I pro-life? Absolutely. Would I get an abortion? Not a chance because it’s not something that I could do unless there was some very extreme circumstance. Will I judge someone who does? Absolutely not. It’s not my business. I support the right to choose because I thought that being American, you had freedoms or something.

mvimg_20181002_075413I bring this up because I did the responsible thing. I read the booklet. I read the laws in great detail. I closely read the for and against arguments to help. I have never, ever had the reaction that I did when I read the “Against” argument for Question 3. Yes, I have included it here. I was incredulous. Stunned. Normally the arguments are articulate, straightforward about facts. This was hate and fear mongering. The “In Favor” argument was dripping in sarcasm, saying phrases that I would have used like “Sexual assault is already illegal”, “lets transgender people use the bathroom, which we all need to use”. I’m in complete awe over this “Against”. Complete. What does waxing have to do with using a bathroom? If a person doesn’t feel comfortable waxing a body part on another person, that’s their choice. See, freedoms. I don’t understand what that has to do with a trans woman sitting in a stall, doing their business while minding their own business.

First of all, I’m pretty sure a sex offender doesn’t care about things like “laws”. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t be on a sex offender list. Unless they weren’t caught. Unfortunately, there are no “sex offender” only bathrooms. They do know that men/women can sexually assault people of the same gender, right? So this law wouldn’t affect that. In fact, had an incident happened where a trans woman assaulted another woman in the bathroom, I’m sure it would have gone national as a way to show just how dangerous transgender people who need to pee really are.

I have made this argument before. Should there be “LGBT” bathrooms, ones that are separate but equal? That is something that has worked very well in the past and I’m sure we should seriously consider this. (Total sarcasm, in case you didn’t get that.) Obviously all transgender women are into women since men can only be into women, so this is a very serious issue. Since that’s the case, maybe lesbian women shouldn’t be in the bathrooms with straight women either because who knows what’s going to happen. They may share… lipstick. The horror! Can you catch trans like you can catch gay, through touch or a fabulous shade of red lipstick?

I will fight for people to live their lives in a peaceful manner every time. I fully support the LGBT community. I fully support my friends and family within it. I’m voting “Yes” on Question 3. I don’t care how you vote; I just want you to be aware of facts not someone telling you scary (and ridiculous) stories for the intention of deceiving you based on their own personal bias.

 

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Just Breathe

I say this far too often on a daily basis. Before, I would say it to myself. Now, I have to say this to myself and my youngest son. Sometimes, when I use this affirmation for both of us when I’m trying to pass it off as using it just for him. I’m okay with that if you are. When breathing doesn’t work, I shrug it off until I get my 15 minutes alone in the shower after my workout. Crying in the shower is the most effective approach. If anyone asks, I could say I just got soap or shampoo in my eye again. It happens a lot naturally, so it’s pretty perfect. I’m a clumsy person.

My son doesn’t have a diagnosis of anxiety disorder. He has a “sensory integration disorder”. I’m certain that if I mentioned it to my doctor, which will probably happen at his yearly, that he would get the diagnosis. My own experiences, in addition to everything I learned in college in my child development/teaching/psych classes, make me very certain of it. He picks his eyelashes and eyebrows out and sometimes pinches himself. After suggesting that he didn’t do these things, he started to obsessively pick his nose. As disgusting as that was, it was better than the alternative. I chose to pick my battles. He freaks out over seemingly bizarre things, like when we were fixing a light in the house he suddenly thought that the house was falling and going to explode. (Anxious with an active imagination? He is my boy.) I answer “What happens if…” questions all day long. I’m not an expert, but the signs seem pretty clear to me.

In the past, he had crying fits that, no exaggeration, could last for up to 4 hours. Sometimes longer. The original thought was these were caused by his inability to communicate with us. (In my book, “A Special Place for Noah”, these parts were true.) It was stressful. If my husband and I didn’t have a strong bond before having kids, I think this would have easily broken us. He had another neuropsych eval, got a diagnosis of sensory integration disorder, and that was that. It was never mentioned again. His anxiety was just caused by being overwhelmed by his surroundings. He’d grow out of it when he was around 6 or 8 they said.

He’s 6 now. The past few days have been rough. Going to school causes tears suddenly, reverting him back to those fits from back in preschool. He won’t let go of my leg. I’m no longer allowed to walk with him behind the school due to “safety concerns for the other kids” (which is funny considering they cut back on attendants outside) so I have to leave him right before the back. Instead of leaving, I stand there while my 6 year old cries and won’t let go of me. This has caused the new part-time VP and one of the paraprofessionals to have to take him back for me. Every day he’s fine until that point. He has focusing issues in school and has had more of these moments in class.

This leaves me in a terrible position. I know this needs to be addressed. My worry is that too many doctors jump straight to drugging my child. I’d rather solve the problem as much as possible without medicine. I’m not anti-science. I’m pro-vaccination. I’m anti-potentially giving my child medicines that could actually alter his brain’s chemical makeup while it is still developing. How many studies have been done on the end result of medicating young children? I mostly manage my own anxiety issues through my work and through my hobbies, like exercising and knitting/crafting/art things. Being able to focus on those things occupies my mind so I don’t have to medicate. I don’t want a zombie for a child. I want my child to be as active as he’s supposed to be. I want to do whatever I can for him. But I’m at such a loss right now.

Now, it’s a waiting game. I have to meet with the teacher, scrounging up what I can from his old IEP in case she couldn’t find it in his records. Maybe listening to her and figuring out what his trigger is to help him cope better with it. (It’s my experience that you can’t avoid everything that makes you anxious, though I do this as often as I can get away with. I’m an emotionally unhealthy person. I’m okay with this too.) His physical is scheduled late due to a new system at the office, which caused me to be too late to schedule his appointment even though it was 6 months out like normal. Hopefully he lasts until November. I have to hope that maybe a switch will just flip again like last time, where it suddenly stopped happening. Instead, I have to sit around worrying about what I’ve done wrong. Did I not give him enough attention? Do I spoil him with too much attention? Was I too strict? Was I not strict enough? That’s what we do as parents, isn’t it? We sit there and blame ourselves when it’s really just how they are. We all have to adjust. In fact, parenting is equal parts constantly adjusting and psychological warfare (which I also say is a huge part of marriage as well).

The point is… all of our kids have their own issues. You could sit down quietly about it and pretend your kid is perfect on social media and feel alone about it. Or you could talk about it as much as possible. My kid may not have issues as serious as others, but he has them. He’s smart, sarcastic, lovable, and funny but he’s anxious and compulsive and impulsive. He may get judged for his actions. But he’s mine. And I love him.

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They Tell Me It’s Voter Registration Day

I have been registered to vote since I was 18. Our civics teacher, I’m not even sure what the name of the class actually was but it was a popular one for the seniors, handed out voter registration forms to class. Prior to that, we took a quiz about our political ideals to see where we fell in the grand scheme of Republicans and Democrats. I, not surprisingly, fell someplace in the middle of the void though it seemed I leaned more left due to my stance on “social issues”. That obviously meant I had to register as a Democrat as a young almost 18 year old. He handed out the registration papers to the class to take the knowledge that we had just learned from that ideology quiz to register to vote. If you weren’t 18 yet, the registration would kick in on your birthday. It did. Maybe a week after I turned 18, I got my card in the mail to confirm that I was now a registered voter. I’m pretty sure I said “cool”, then threw it away. I didn’t vote in that first election, or the first several after that.

For a long while, I didn’t understand the need to vote. My 1 vote didn’t matter. In Massachusetts, even if I wanted to vote for a Republican candidate, my vote ultimately wouldn’t have mattered. The state 9/10 times goes Democrat anyways. My voice wasn’t there to be heard. My first election I even bothered with was when Obama was first running for president. There wasn’t anything too significant about it, but I felt pressured by everyone to go to the voting booth. It would be an experience at least, so I did it. I nervously entered into the booth and was clueless as to what was going on. I didn’t know much about Obama, but I knew that there was something about Sarah Palin that I didn’t like and that I thought McCain was up there in age, so I didn’t want her as president. But I didn’t know anything about Obama either. Biden seemed like a cool dude, and I decided to go with that. So I did.

It wasn’t until after that first election that I decided to actually care about voting. Things mattered more. I knew my ideals. I quickly learned that no one else in politics does, only voting where the money tells them too or who whatever news channel they watch tells them to vote. It was  still is pretty disgusting to me. I decided from then on that I would only  vote my conscience, because I wanted to be okay with myself and my choices. I vote across party lines, voting for the person I honestly could back. I wanted to believe my defense of voting for a politician, not stuttering over talking points someone told me to say. Soon, I realized that I didn’t want to back a political party. I didn’t vote for Trump or Clinton. I thought they were both shady criminals that had no business representing our country. Turns out, I was probably right on both fronts even if no one wants to take their blinders off to see that.

I don’t want to support a party that sweeps things like violence against women under the rug. I don’t want to support any party that tells me if someone is one way, I should hate them (spoiler: I’m referring to both of them). I don’t want to support a party that believes guns have more rights than people do. I don’t want to support a party that is more concerned with celebrity star power than it is about doing the right thing. I don’t want to support A party.

I’m completely against the 2 party system, which has only caused harm to this country. Today, on National Register to Vote day, I’m changing my current affiliation to Independent. I’m not the Democratic party of today. I’m not the Republican party of today. These 2 parties just want power, not change. They want to tell us what to do with our lives, based on their own ideals not ours. They are life-long politicians who are more concerned with lining their pockets than being concerned with the people who voted for them. The only way that this will change is if WE change it. I choose to be the Independent party of tomorrow, which is exactly what this country needs. They need more people to stand up, not more to follow them blindly as they take us to a place I have no desire in going.