Author Archives

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When You Don’t Agree

Things seem to only be getting worse these days. Rather than reasonable discussions, if someone doesn’t automatically agree with another person they are labeled terms like “Libtard” or some other term that really should not be in existence. Being a liberal does not make you an idiot automatically, much like being a Republican does not make you a racist. There are idiots and racists on both sides; I assure you this is a fact. There are a lot of idiots everywhere and political affiliation has nothing to do with that. There are a lot of smart and talented people who are Republican as there are Democrats and Independents.

With the weather, the blog was delayed for a week but it turns out there is nothing new. America is growing even more divided and facts are few and far between. All there is right now is speculation, conspiracy theories, and mudslinging that everyone should be ashamed of. A person thinks that if you feel that instead of cutting free lunch programs (much like my school system offers, though they also offer free breakfast), that maybe the president should take less weekend trips to his Florida estate. Another person says that person is a liberal idiot who doesn’t know anything. Who is right? One could argue that the person who spells out facts and numbers would be right and the one who automatically turns to insulting the other is wrong. But it doesn’t matter.

Maybe this is done on purpose. Maybe the political parties want us to be divided and disagree so fervently that they can more easily control us. They each have their own media that brainwashes the masses, telling them that they cannot trust any other news source. If you turn to Fox News, you’re just a dumb conservative that follows blindly. Watching MSNBC? You are nothing more than a lemming. There has to be a reason for this and I will resign to there being some grand conspiracy that is going on. Maybe that television show “Braindead” had it right.

If that is the case, we are quickly falling into the hands of the people that want to control through a level of anarchy and discord that can only be achieved by not condemning this stubbornness to have a rational discussion among adults. I was always taught that people turn to insults in arguments because they have no valid point or because they are wrong and want to distract you from that.

We are better than this. We are the country that once stood proud and tall and those days are sadly no longer. We are being ruined from within and we are just sitting idly by while it happens. Don’t let anyone take the facts away from you. We are still a free country and you should do your research to decide things for yourself. The minute you let anyone else tell you what to believe, you have given in.

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All About Healthcare

There are very serious questions that we should be asking. As a resident of Massachusetts, I haven’t experienced any negative impacts on my daily life from ACA. I notice that I don’t have co-pays anymore for visits and no, I’m not on a Medicaid program. We pay for our insurance through my husband’s work. Our premiums have not skyrocketed to a point where we can’t afford it. Maybe it is because Massachusetts along with ACA that makes healthcare something that I don’t really have to worry about. But I do have questions that should be answered.

  1. Currently under Obamacare, health insurance companies are required to provide dental insurance to minors. Does this stay with Trump care? This is a question that should be answered because there are families that cannot afford separate dental insurance. I am fortunate enough because we also get dental insurance through my husband’s work but this still makes things easier on us. For instance when my oldest son needed more sealants, we were going to have to pay $200 after our dental insurance. However, that money was paid for by the dental insurance through our health insurance. That extra money matters when you are in that middle class limbo where you don’t get free things or extra tax breaks.
  2. Can we safely assume that birth control is no longer free? There are some people who actually require this for health purposes. If you are going to close down Planned Parenthood which offers affordable options and don’t have plans to make these medications more affordable, then this is a problem that needs to be addressed.
  3. What happens if you lose your job? Instead of a mandate for those who refuse to buy insurance, they are going to to punish people who lapse in insurance. The problem is what happens if you lose your job and you lose your insurance along with it? You have no job so you can’t buy private insurance and they are really going to make it more difficult to get Medicaid. Then when you finally do get a job, you’ll have to pay 30% more for it. This seems like a tax on the less fortunate population.
  4. What about co-pays? Right now you don’t have to pay co-pays for preventative care. This means that you are not going to pay $25 a pop for your physicals which may give some the incentive to actually go. I know I go to my regular checkups more that I don’t have to worry about paying for it. This means a healthier population. I do believe this also counts for pregnancy, saving women at least $200 that they will not have to worry about when it comes time for their hospital stay that will cost in the $10,000s.

These are only a few of the questions that I have about this new plan that no one seems interested in mentioning. There is a big problem with healthcare that no one seems to want to directly address: the costs. I have no heard any plan that says “yes, paying $200 for a pill of Ambien while you are in the hospital is ridiculous”. What about the big mess with insulin meds or the Epi-Pen? Maybe we should mistrust politicians since they don’t want to fix the problem because then they won’t get their payoffs for helping these big companies profit off of the people who can least afford it.

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A Love of Facts

That is really what is missing in the world today: facts. With outrageous “news” organizations like InfoWars, BreitBart, Occupy Democrats, and the many other so-called news organizations out there, people don’t bother with facts. When I read a headline that strikes my interest on any topic, I immediate Google the information and search to see if any other reputable news sites have any information on the topic. If not, I assume it was just a fictitious story that was created for the sole purpose of pandering to their masses or to incite some fake outrage. If I do find that the story is something that is real, I read several different websites (CNN, Fox News, local news websites, etc.) to find out everything about it. I’m smart; I know each of these organizations are going to toss me an angle rather than the whole story, purposely omitting something to twist it to match their own agenda. Then I decide for myself, as a free-thinking individual what is likely the facts because I don’t trust anyone to just tell me what facts are. Everyone has an agenda.

When the whole thing erupted with Hillary, I was skeptical of the timing and wondered if it was more political than facts. Then the facts came out and you think, “well, that was dumb of her” and “how is she able to run for president after doing something that sketchy”. I like facts. Facts proved that she did do something wrong, whether it was in the gray area or fully illegal, she definitely did something wrong.

If you are going to rattle off any type of accusation, you better have proof. You cannot just say something like “Obama wiretapped me, Breitbart said so” and have that be a fact. You can however say, “I was wiretapped, as president I have definitive proof right here”, then show us the results of the wiretapping. Isn’t it as easy as that? Unless there is no wiretapping and he is just trying to divert the attention from the mess that is going on right now. If there are facts, they need to be released to the public so they can actually be outraged and then address how to handle what happened by legal action.

I have a big mistrust for people who just rattle off information for the purpose of outrage without backing it up with anything. Facts are everything and every day, facts are becoming less important to our daily lives. People just follow along like sheep, not caring about those pesky little details other people call “facts” (or alternative facts, as some will point out). The reason this still goes on is because we allow it to. Don’t just follow; educate yourself. Read as much news from the more reputable of websites as possible and please, please do not just read one website and call yourself educated. Opinion pieces are often masked by “reporting the news” rather than straight up facts. That is why it is so important to read everything.

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Politics Making You Sad? Me Too…

The political atmosphere of your location should never get to a point where you feel defeated. It should inspire you to be the change that you want to see, in a peaceful and respectful manner of course. But, it is just making me sad and I almost feel like there is no point in fighting for what I believe in. I do feel defeated and I feel a little angry about that. But before you start judging me and berating me, hear me out.

I said it the minute the president was elected. I told my son “You can agree with his politics or not, but he is the president and that commands respect.” He looked at me, “But they never really respected Obama.” I nodded and I replied, “It is your job to be better than that.” As much as I feel angry about some of the things going on (among the biggest gripe, our Secretary of Education), I still stand by that. The title of president does command respect and there is a respectful way of disagreeing with him that does not include rioting, refusing to acknowledge him during a congressional speech (or maybe not even showing up) or trauma levels of therapy. Those things take away from the problems going on, causing people to focus on “babies” rather than the real issues that people have concerns about.

So why am I sad? The biggest reason is because there is no real place for political discussion today. People immediately ignore the other side because they are steadfast in their beliefs and you can either accept that the relationship is over. Whatever happened to the ability to debate using facts and logic to point out sides and then shaking hands afterwards? The answer is people are brainwashed by mainstream media on both sides and choose to just follow along rather than educate themselves. This causes misplaced passions and a “It’s me or them” mentality that is actually going to ruin our country. In fact, we are already going down this slippery slope and as much as you want to blame one side for it both share an equal amount of blame in this matter. You should be pissed off about this because this tells them that you are idiots that they can turn into their little puppets. We are not puppets; we are Americans.

Civil disobedience has been a staple in our history for decades. This is how change happens. Without this, the Civil Rights movement would have never succeeded and women would not be able to vote still. Now anyone who practices any level of civil disobedience respectfully is referred to as a “snowflake” or a “liberal”. Since when did your political affiliation become a slur rather just your political leaning? Sure, there are a lot of people who are not being respectful about it and they should be called out for it. But those who are doing it right, with marches to raise awareness for their causes or running rallies and raising money for charities that they believe in, why are they getting slammed for that?

This is exactly what is supposed to make America great: diversity. Everyone is supposed to be able to have their own belief system and that should be okay to have. But these days, people are judged unfairly because of what they believe in. If you think everyone should have the right to get married, you are a bleeding heart liberal. If you are worried about losing your healthcare or your public schools, you are a whiny snowflake. Rather than hearing each other out, everyone is dismissed because Fox News/MSNBC/CNN told me that you were wrong so you’re just wrong without showing you facts about how you’re wrong. And if someone dares shows actual facts? Fake news.

That can make a person not want to fight anymore. How can you fight if you are just going to be dismissed as an idiot or a wuss because you don’t accept your fate? Fate is not set in stone and we can change the outcome. But for now, are country is being torn apart because no one wants to admit that both sides have very deep flaws that really need to be discussed openly and without judgement or anger.

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Growing Up

A conversation happened where I said “well, if my husband doesn’t put the cube storage together soon I’m just going to do it.” I received a response that I found to be a little bit shocking: “But, you’re a girl. You’re not supposed to do that.” Well, I’m not supposed to do a lot of things I guess but I end up doing what I want anyways.

I was very fortunate growing up. Sure, I was taught all of the “girl things” that I was supposed to learn. I can hem and patch clothing, I can do embroidery. I have a great eye for color and design. I’m also a pretty awesome cook. I say this because people actually genuinely enjoy my food so I use that as evidence of that. I love doing laundry and the only stain I have not been able to defeat was a marker that I sat on. I was able to get both blood and fruit juice off of a white shirt, so I’ll take that win. I may not be the best housekeeper, but we’re not at hoarder level of disaster. I am only human, of course.

However, I was also taught to do most of the things my brothers were taught to do. I may not be able to mow a lawn but I am pretty confident that between YouTube and common sense that is something I could easily figure out. My dad never once said the phrase “you’re a girl, you’re not supposed to do that.” In fact, I have always been convinced that my father wanted to teach me a lot of those “man things” because he did not want me to be stuck with someone forever because I needed someone to take care of me. So he taught me all about tools, what to use them for. He let me help and showed me how to do things around the house from what he could do. Yes, I even learned how to change out sockets myself but I’m too clumsy to even want to attempt it.

So the idea of “you’re a girl” was never something I have ever considered. I let my son play “daddy” with his stuffed animals and both of them cook with me in the kitchen. As soon as my oldest son was able to carry a laundry basket, I taught him to do his own laundry. Why? Because I will be damned if he’s 32 and single and I’m still doing this stuff for him. Also, why should his wife be his slave? Why can’t he pitch in around the house? If I had a girl, I would expect her to learn all of the same things I did: everything I could about everything. We should be teaching our girls independence and strength. We should not be training them to just be one thing. She can be a housewife and stay-at-home mom if she wants to but she can also be a badass that puts together a bookshelf so she doesn’t have to call her dad or wait for her husband to get home.

The same applies to our boys. We should be raising them to be independent and kind individuals that can do the same things girls do. There is no reason why they shouldn’t be able to do all of the things girls are traditionally supposed to do. Why can’t a man patch his own clothing or cook a meal for his family?

We are the ones responsible for raising the next generation and its our job to ensure that this generation is better than the ones in the past. They need to be raised to work hard, do amazing things, and be themselves without worrying about what society tells them they should be. They need to be taught to be kind to their neighbors, whether they are poor, of a different race/religion/sexual orientation, or if they are rude to them. (Because fueling unkindness with more unkindness never gets you anywhere). If we don’t, we fail the future.

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It’s All About the Bathrooms

There is a hot topic that revolves around bathrooms. No, it has nothing to do with which preference you have when it comes to how you put the toilet paper on the roll or the age-long argument about placing a new roll of toilet paper rather than just putting it on the empty one. First off all, in my house my husband has a preference whereas I just put the roll on any way I feel like because it doesn’t matter (scandalous). Secondly, my husband knows better and will put the nearly empty roll on top of the new one that he just put on the roll. There is no debate about this in our household.

The bathroom controversy that I am speaking about is where transgender people are concerned. Some people feel as though for the safety of everyone, people must use the bathroom according to their birth gender. So a transgender female in a dress using a urinal is not going to cause any problems, such as slurs and potential assaults in the bathroom. However, that same person in the ladies room would be likely to abuse a female child easier with lax rules on this topic? Do I get the argument?

If someone wants to assault a child in a bathroom, they already do it. Strict laws prohibiting people who are not “born female” are not going to stop it from happening. It’s really the same logic that is applied to gun control. Why should there be any gun control if the person is going to find another way to obtain the gun to cause harm? The fact is that there are some bad people out there and they are going to do what they want regardless of any laws out there. (Spoiler alert: I’m pretty sure there are laws that prohibit anyone from sexually assaulting another person.) That is a sad reality of the world we live in. Bad people are just going to do bad things and laws do not prevent this. Stricter punishments do. Though we all know how harshly rapists are punished: 2 months probation and gets to go to the college of their dreams without their lives being destroyed as they destroyed their victims lives.

I have a great idea. How about we make transgender bathrooms that are both separate but equal to the “normal people” bathrooms? That has worked out so well for us in the past, why wouldn’t it work now? (Since sarcasm doesn’t always translate well in text, I will clearly state that this statement was dripping in sarcasm.) You are not going to know if a transgender person is in the stall next to you. They just want to go to the bathroom, hopefully wash their hands, and leave just like you do. They are not stalking you in the bathroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. If someone is, they are a sexual predator and they should be arrested. For instance, Ben Roethlisberger was accused of sexually assaulting a woman in the ladies room and he is not a transgender female. If you want a scary fact, look at the high numbers of the transgender community that have been sexually assaulted (and even murdered afterwards). Again, bad people are just going to do bad things.

The transgender community is the new minority that people need to fight for. People do not understand this community and let’s face it: people are afraid of things that they don’t understand. I cannot stand by and watch a community of people have to struggle for the basic freedoms that everyone else has. Did we not learn anything from the Civil Rights movements of the 50’s and 60’s? Why do we always have to fight for these things? I am a proud ally and others should stand up for those who can’t. We cannot let an entire community struggle with the rights that they were born with as an American citizen and to allow that to happen is truly wrong. Everyone had to deal with this struggle in their history, so we should know better by now.

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So, That Happened

For those people that may live under a rock, or are just in extreme denial, the seemingly impossible happened: Donald Trump is our newest president. I had difficulty sleeping as a result of worrying about the outcome. Not because I like Hillary or even voted for her, but because I was terrified at the prospect of a Trump presidency. And no, I don’t feel as though I wasted my vote on a 3rd party candidate nor do I feel guilty about it considering the outcome. Allow me to explain myself, and do read until the end before you judge me. Also, this is all I have left to say about this election.

First off, here is why I’m afraid: As a mother of a child who is mixed race, I’m worried that hate speech will have an effect on his life. I am afraid that the climate of hate will cause him to be so bullied that he can’t deal with it especially if he never does outgrow his development issues. I worry for my loved ones in the LGBT community and what could happen with a conservative Supreme Court. Will gay marriage be reversed? Will the transgender community never get the freedom everyone else has to be who they really are and live their lives as such? Why do guns have more rights than the body of a woman? These are all things that do worry me.

Then, I have more selfish concerns. I have benefited from Obamacare. I don’t have to pay for a prescription that I actually need to function and may not be able to afford if it gets repealed. Had I given birth before the potential repeal, I would have gotten a free pump and have an easier time paying the hospital bill. Because of Obamacare, I get 2 dental insurances for our children, making their dental care essentially free. Plus, who says rates will even go down if it is repealed? Insurance companies are a business and they do not care about the people. The same applies to all parts of the healthcare world. Now that they know they are able to charge outrageous prices, why reduce them along with the overhead?

After all of this though, I remain hopeful. The turnout for the 3rd party made a statement that people are tired of being held hostage to a two-party system. Even more importantly, I remember that Trump is a businessman and marketed himself to win. Why does this make me hopeful? Maybe he will go back to leaning more liberal on social matters as he had in the past. Maybe he knew that acting like a crazy, misogynistic racist would guarantee him  the win and he conned the base into thinking he was one of them. Maybe he lets the states decide, and as someone who lives in Massachusetts, I have nothing to worry about personally. These are all possibilities.

Make no mistake though; Trump didn’t win. Hillary lost. This is an important point. This was not the 3rd party’s fault. This was entirely the fault of the DNC for rigging the primary. The success of the 3rd party was very much a product of the DNC corruption and the polls at the end of the day were proof of that. Today is a day to focus on what’s important. It’s not about gloating that your team won or depressed over your loss. Why? Because the game isn’t over. If the Republican do nothing to better the nation in 2 years, they will ultimately lose at the midterms and may even lose the next presidential election. If they do improve the state of affairs in America for all people, everyone one wins. Plus, checks and balances are there for a reason so there will be no Madison King Aerys to deal with. What we do know for sure is that Trump is a loose cannon and nobody knows what to expect. This all depends on the “experts” that he hires to be his advisors and his cabinet. Just remember this: United we stand; divided we fall. Be kind to each other and respect others, even if you disagree with them.

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The State of Today

Has their really been a more divisive time in American history than there is right now? The answer is “yes” and that time was the Civil War. Races are against races, religions are against religions. Political parties are a civil war amongst themselves. There does not seem to be any common ground anymore or even any compromises willing to be made. People are awful and hateful and this does not seem to be changing anytime soon.

The fact is that people don’t seem to care that they are worsening the situation. If you go to 4 different websites to see the statistics of racially motivated police shootings, you are going to see 4 different numbers. Everyone has something to gain on their side of the politics. What about the facts? I’m a person who enjoys facts. This is how I base my opinions. I want to know if there are a disproportionate amount of lethal police shootings towards minorities or if there are a lot of lethal shootings period. I want to know if it’s just that one group yells the loudest in outrage that makes it like it is an everyday occurrence. Because guess what? Now it is just about to get a whole lot worse.

The argument is that police officers are all racist and don’t think black lives matters. If that is a fact, than that is something that should outrage the masses. But what does shooting and killing innocent and caring police officers prove? That you are just as savage as these horrible corrupt police officers that you so choose to be against right now? You have turned a movement with reasonable issues that should be addressed and turned it into a terrorist organization that have made things worse for their cause. Now that a second group of police officers were plowed down by a person of a specific race and cause, the police officers are going to be even more on edge and this cycle will just keep continuing on with no end in sight.

There is a civil war brewing in America. It is the fault of people who dismiss that there are problems with race in America. It is the fault of people who look at all people who even seem to be Arab as if they are Muslim terrorists about to tear down America. It is the fault of any group that wants to put the lives of any citizens above the lives of others. What is the point of treating everyone equally and “everyone is the same on the inside” if we turn against anyone who isn’t like us? The lives of all kind human beings matter. There is racial inequality in America and that’s a fact. My youngest son has been called derogatory terms for Asian people. I have seen vandalism at establishments owned by Muslims because of their religion. Anyone who says that there isn’t a problem with race in America is blind or unwilling to admit the truth. This does not mean that innocent police officers need to be slaughtered in cold blood because that makes you no better than the struggles that you are fighting against. That is profiling. That is wrong. What happened in Dallas and Baton Rouge will happen again and that is sickening. We need to fight against this shedding of innocent blood because we should be better than this.

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Why This Keeps Happening

This post isn’t meant to offer any answers. Why? Because with acts like this most recent one in Nice, there really are no answers. There are speculations and theories, but rarely any actual answers. What does it matter anyways?  There are no answers that could make things like this suck less.

I hope that society is just in the teenage years of existence. Anyone with a teenager knows that they just want the world to burn. Then they eventually grow up and they get out of the stage. I hope this is a temporary thing because this state of affairs is becoming too much. So much so that at this point far too many people are desensitized to these things. People have become too used to the hate and anger that causes these events that they seem to just accept this as the new normal. We can sit our children down to tell them about these events and instead of questions, it was just like you were telling them something insignificant. There is no shock anymore and that in itself should be shocking.

Why this keeps happening is a mystery. If it weren’t a mystery, we could do something to stop it. But we can’t. These people who are out to make the world burn always seem to be one step ahead of us. But we get stuck because we know that if we give up our celebrations and events, that they win. And they can never win. The minute that they win, it’s all over. We will never let them win.

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My Son, The Preschooler 

In previous posts, I have mentioned about my son and his struggles. I discussed evaluations and specialists and his journey through Early Intervention. I shared those struggles because people don’t seem to be aware of just how common problems are. They think that these types of struggles are embarrassing or show some level of failure on their part. I even questioned if I was failing him and that was why he was struggling with words. It’s natural as a parent to feel like they are totally failing when something is going wrong with their child. However, I wasn’t failing him; I was fighting for him.

When you tell people that your son is in the special needs program at their school, you get a few different reactions. You may get a look of pity; poor you for having to deal with that burden. You may get questions interest; well, what’s wrong with them and what is their diagnosis. You may get questions of how to avoid it; do you think if you spent less time working that this could have been avoided and is this something I can avoid? You may get questions of your stance on medicating them. Sometimes you even get a look; the look of distaste that is aimed directly at your child.

My son still has his struggles. He has an infinitely better vocabulary that when he started this journey. He can say sentences that clearly state what he wants (if he has the words for it), he can answer basic questions, and he can show that he actually has a hilarious sense of humor and personality. He cannot always use his language effectively. He still struggles with expressing what he wants, which leads to hours long tantrums. He cannot really think in the abstract but he excels in any fact based knowledge. He has no impulse control at all, a shorter attention span than most almost 4 year old children may have  (unless it comes to something he stays fully fixated on), and pinches himself/pulls out his eyelashes. But most importantly, he is my George and none of this matters to me when he is curled up in arms, struggling to tell me the story that he wants to.

I am a mama bear, some would even say to an extreme. I will fight for him but luckily I haven’t had to yet. His preschool, which gave him another year in the program with interim speech therapy until they could test him fully, never made me fight for him because they fought for him. I know it may not always be easy and this isn’t the case for everyone, but right now his entire team is working with us to ensure he is getting exactly what he needs, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

To answer the typical questions I get, here it is. No, there is no diagnosis yet though early reports show he’s borderline on the autism spectrum and may have apraxia, which is often wrongly diagnosed as autism. No, there is nothing that I could have done differently. This is my son and as quirky and OCD he may seem to you, he is who he is and I love him and accept him for that and you should to. I should not be pitied because I have an amazing and intelligent son and everyone should be as lucky and I will do whatever I can for him. Finally, no I am not going to medicate him unless there is something that absolutely needs it. I don’t like the idea of messing with the chemical makeup of a brain that has not fully developed and that there are a lot of incredible therapies that can help without medication. Neuroscience is a field that is always evolving as is the understanding in cognitive psychology and I have more faith in those therapies than I do with pills. However, that is my personal choice and I don’t push that on others or judge them for their choice to medicate anymore than I would about anything else in their life that is really none of my business. I just answered the question that you asked.

At the end of the day, any good parent is going to do whatever it takes to give their child the best life possible. They will fight for them, send them to the best school for them, and make sure that they have everything that they need to survive and be happy. Some parents have more struggles than others, but it’s not a contest and parents need to stop treating it as if it is. As long as you love your child and do whatever you can to give them the best life possible, you are a winning parent. It can be hard, but never forget that.