Quiet Reflection

Sometimes you just need to take some time for quiet reflection. That’s easy to do when your brain hurts from a combination of constant sinus pain that makes seeing things difficult and the stress of… well everything. It’s always good to take that time that you should be resting in order to get some quiet reflection done. Because, it’s hard to do much else some times.

One area of reflection is my work. I so wish I had more time to dedicate to my own pursuits. I’m so busy coming up with words for everyone else lately, that finding my own has become more of a chore than an enjoyment. Saying that my creative spirit is being crushed by this seems so cliché. Besides, I’m an adult now. If my spirit isn’t being crushed on the regular, am I even an adult? Maybe it’s juggling my workload and remote learning. Maybe it’s just my workload. Who knows. I’m not sure if it’s making me a better writer, or a worse one. I have stories to tell. I just need to have some time to put them together to tell.

I’m also always thinking of ways that I can expand my blog. Soon, video game Mondays will be coming back and I’m hoping that I’m finally feeling well enough to come back to my weekly Tuesday and Thursday efforts. I keep toying around with adding a food day, where I share recipes, maybe even videos. It seems to be something that my Facebook friends suggest when I’m posting pictures of the food I make, and it’s always fun to toy around with the idea. Especially since I love cooking so much. It seems like a lot of time to dedicate to this, time that I don’t necessarily have. Something I’m definitely considering though.

Then there are the more personal things. The excitement that my oldest got accepted to his dream school, while I wait holding my breath to see what the bill will be after any scholarships. I dread telling my son he can’t go to school because we can’t afford it or can’t get a loan for some reason. It terrifies me. I hope that things work out, because that boy could change the world and I want him to have that chance. I want him to have that college experience I didn’t necessarily get as a young mother. I want him to be able to chase his dreams without worry. That’s my job and I don’t want to fail him. It does weight heavily on me.

It’s healthy to take a step back and look more clearly at things. It helps to ease the pain of the world crumbling around you. It helps you re-center yourself, helping you better plan for your next move. I wish more people spent time for a little reflection so that they can see things from a fresh perspective. I wish I took more time to go through this process.

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