I had been in a rut. I was ready to wave the white flag. My heart kept saying “through hard work and determination, you will succeed in your dreams. Keep the faith.” My mind snickered at this. It said, “whoever told you that was a liar. Hard work is an ideal of the past, and only suckers think working hard is the way to go. Give up the dream, and settle for something and accept that laziness and no dreams are the new success.” There is truth to that. The new normal is taking all the goodies you’re handed and settling because you’ll get more than if you work hard for it.

This caused me to be increasingly bitter and angry because I’m nowhere near close to where I want to be in life. I tried my hardest to burst through whatever door, only to break myself every time against a concrete wall instead. It would be easier to just give up. It would be easier to accept that I was nothing more than my failures. But to quote a Fall Out Boy song, “I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses.” I wouldn’t be better than the people I criticize for taking the easy way out if I just gave up. Besides, you gain strength every time you break. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Yesterday, as all that misery came crashing down facing whatever reality my mind was painting me, I snapped back. How many times has anyone had an unbreakable door in front of them? The ones who never quit, eventually find an open door. I remembered that, and decided that my time will come. I’m due.

I found some more doors to try. I decided my NaNoWriMo novel was ready. When I went to retrieve my free first edition hardcover version, I opted to try listing it there on Lulu.com. Right now, only the hardcover is available for sale. Once my copy comes in so I can approve it, the ebook will be available cross all platforms, including Kindle and Nook. I’m the most proud of this novel, My Mother’s Eulogy as this has been my baby 10 years in the making. As soon as the ebook format is available, I will let you know. And for now, you’re going to have to wait for my white flag for giving up my dream of writing.