Stuck

Since I was little, all I’ve ever wanted to be was a writer. I read all the time and when I wasn’t reading, I was writing. When I wasn’t writing, I was sketching or sculpting. I’m a creative person and I find when I’m unable to focus on something that revolves around accessing this creativity, I become anxious and irritable. It’s been a need more than a want almost as if I was an addict for it. A slow and downward spiral occurs the longer I go in between projects or finishing a project. Then I lose a groove I started on a project and I sit staring at it wondering what I was thinking when I started that project. (Hence, the name of my short story and poetry collection will be named “Wondering What I Was Thinking”.) Then I have to go back and piece everything together making projects take double the time I intend. (Also, hence why I’ve promised a new published piece and haven’t quite gotten it done.) Finally, I think I’m there with it. I just need a cover, an interesting one my amazingly talented with a camera husband will get for me. Hopefully.

I’m stuck though. I wonder when I’ll know if I’ve officially failed my dreams of writing. I wonder when I’ll know when to throw the towel in and call it a day. I wonder when I’ll know what failure really is. I wonder if people even take it as seriously as I do. I doubt it though, I wonder if people just find it silly that I even bothered to try. I wonder if I should just give up now, even though I know I haven’t given it a real honest attempt. Or have I? I’ve blogged for nearly 2 years now, a Hubpage for 2 months, and only have published one novella. It’s been a minor success, I’ve sold 3 stories and my Hub has been featured 13 out of 16 times which seems to me to be a big deal. Maybe these are signs that I should re-shift my focus and go full force, hell or high water. I’m sure giving up my mere 3 hours of sleep a night for hard work and dreams might do the trick. I do better sleep deprived and in less than sound mind anyways.

When we’re stuck in a crossroads, Frost asked us which path do we take. I always figured that the beaten path seemed like a boring place to be, but I hate not knowing what’s going to happen. Don’t we all though? Some people when people say when they are expecting that they don’t want to find the gender because life has so few surprises as it is. That’s a lie, life is full of surprises. We’ll see what road I eventually take, and I hope it brings me peace and happiness. For now, I’ll venture down this “road less traveled” and hope for the best.

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