I went to take a nap yesterday, and when I moved the curtain away from the fan, something fell. All I could think of was “EEK! A SPIDER!”. I did what any rational person with irrational fears would do: I called my husband, begging him to save me from this maybe spider, and when none was found, I slid down the bed and went to sleep in the fetal position at the bottom of the bed. I admit it, I’m a “scaredy-cat.” No, I think I go a little beyond a simple “scaredy-cat”. I tip-toe that fine line between “scaredy-cat” and “irrationally phobic personality”. So, today I’ve decided to share my ridiculous fears to get them out there. Sure, I’m sure you’ll laugh reading them but that’s ok. I’ll probably laugh at how crazy they sound as I read this aloud.

1) Spiders. And anything else creepy crawly. I hate spiders, though I”m definitely getting a lot better. If I see a small one, I’ll smack it down and pretend I’m hardcore. I’m not, any spider bigger than an ant gets me to cower like a little baby. And don’t get me started on anything with a stinger or that looks like it has a potential to. And I have nightmares of earwigs, those things are just incredibly terrifying. Why do they need those pincers? Just to look like menacing ugly things? It works. And you can tell me a dozen times not to run away from a hornet, wasp or yellow jacket because it doesn’t help, but I’ll do it anyways because I really just want to get away from those things. I’ve never been stung and I don’t intend to start now.

2) Anything “too high up”. This might seem like a rational thing, not too many people aren’t afraid of being too high up. I assure you it’s just more insane than you  think. I do get freaked out looking out a 14th floor window. But I have trouble looking through on escalators because I’m “too high up with little protection”. So that adds another “afraid of escalators”, but that really doesn’t need it’s own paragraph, since the only real reason I’m afraid of it is watching myself go “too high”.  I plan trips around “which escalator am I least afraid of”. Stairs count too, I’m definitely afraid of certain stairs because of how high up they go and that I can see myself go up them. (Enclosed stairs are ok, those ones with the glass windows are not.)  This is probably what I’m the most afraid of.

3) Amusement park rides. You’d think the height would be what makes me terrified of these things, you’re wrong. Every creak on a ride, I freak out. I imagine the ride stopping abruptly, or just collapsing right there with me on it. I don’t like the feeling of being shaken around, swung around, or just not being in control of what’s happening to my body. I hate them, I think they are death traps, and when my son and husband are on them I close my eyes so I wouldn’t have to watch something happen to them.

4) Clowns. When I was younger, I was forced into watching “It”. I remember being instantly terrified of these clowns. I also remember having to sit through “Killer Clowns from Outer Space”, and it sent me over the edge. I then remember having my room decorated into a “circus” theme, and I remember having nightmares that the clowns in my room were going to come and kill me in my sleep. It was a rough time. I don’t remember when the clowns went away, and I don’t remember why. I’m glad it’s gone. I still close my eyes and see the room though, and it still gives me the creeps. Clowns, you aren’t happy or awesome. You are scary creatures, scary and freaky and ugly creatures.

5) Murders, Robbers, and Creeps oh my! I live in a nice area, where nothing of not really ever happens. Even still, I’ve watched enough television and movies to know that places that are quiet little holes in the walls are more likely to have shocking crimes happen to them. I obsessively check locks to make sure no one can come in and kill me or my family in my sleep. I make sure that my sons are not kidnapped, and that they are still breathing. Then I repeat that cycle a few times just to make sure. This is probably my most irrational of all of my fears, which says a lot because they are all a little silly.

Those are really just the top things that scare me. Mostly those are the only ones that I’d consider as “insane” fears. I’m a neurotic person with a few crazy irrational fears. That doesn’t make me less of a person; merely it makes me uniquely me. Share your thoughts, fears, and a laugh at my expense. I look forward to it.