It’s Okay to Admit You’re Drowning Sometimes

Fun fact: I don’t know how to swim. I’m not entirely sure if this has to do with me having just one more irrational fear when it comes to it or if my problem lies more in the sun. More exactly, a family history of skin cancer and what some refer to as an obscenely pale complexion. This doesn’t bother me and my oldest is actually a talented competitive swimmer, primarily thanks to my mother giving him a solid core to work with. That type of drowning, definitely do not recommend.

With everything going on right now, and I don’t just mean the pandemic complicating life, it’s okay to admit that you’re drowning. It’s okay to admit that you’re drowning under the stress of working from home, remote learning, doing everything that’s expected of you on a daily basis without you having a breather to yourself. (Maybe that’s just me.) I admit it. Some days, I barely feel as though my head is over the water. I’m still standing every day, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It just means my parents taught me to go down flailing.

It sucks right now. I really does. There’s no place for solace, because everyone is arguing about everything. It’s politics this or racism that. It’s insulting people because they want to err on the side of caution while there’s an ongoing pandemic going on. It’s people who have other inner struggles going on that are just being worsened by the constant load of crap being piled on them by people hiding behind keyboards like they are some type of superior human being. So, it’s okay to admit that everything is crap right now. There’s no weakness in that. There’s no shame in saying it. If people want to be jerks about your complaints or declarations, don’t worry, they are probably even bigger jerks in reality. It’s not you; it’s them.

It’s because of what everyone expects of us. We lose jobs and income, but we’re supposed to just magically find something else. Spoiler: that’s not always easy depending on your career history or education or core skills. Or, if you have to be home with kids who are remote learning. We have family that spends more time obsessing over your failures than praising your accomplishments. There are people who just like belittling people for whatever reason. There are so many things that are out of our control right now, it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re floundering.

Normally, I end with some lesson or words of positivity. Some days, finding that positivity is harder than others. Today, I think the comfort can be found in the fact that you’re not the only one who feels like you’re drowning. We all have our moments, especially lately, where it’s hard to catch your breath. What matters is that you find that bit of courage and strength that’s hidden away to help yourself through the day, whether it’s inspiration from the stunning foliage or a chocolate bar sitting on your desk or just having that perfectly made iced coffee. I can’t guarantee that any of this is going to get better anytime soon. But I can say that you’re awesome and that you got this.

Making the Best of a Situation

I think one of the best things about children is that they are resilient. They always heal quick. They are fighters, not letting tiny things like us saying “No” stand in the way of anything that they do. They don’t let a scraped knee keep them from running around a playground. This resilience is what will help them overcome what’s going on in the world… but only if we teach them.

I see people upset about canceling trick or treating and Thanksgiving dinner, and potentially Christmas. Imagine the kids! But the thing is… kids will get over it if we teach them to. They aren’t going to be 40 years old and remember that one year that they didn’t have a birthday party or get to wear a costume and get free candy. They aren’t going to remember that one year that they didn’t go everywhere to eat food for the holidays. They will remember the pandemic, but they will remember how YOU taught them to handle it. Those experiences that you gave them in place of the ones that they would normally have. You could choose to mope about this crap… or you could teach your children to overcome it.

I choose to teach my kids new experiences to replace the old. I choose to not let things that I can’t control determine my happiness. If we can’t go out trick or treating, why not have an outdoor movie night by the illegal open fire in our backyard? They can run around with the dogs and glow sticks and enjoy the quiet night. Instead of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner where we go to 3 different houses or invite people over, why not do something fun like a traditional Korean “small plates” (banchan) dinner? I for one, am thankful to not have to slave over a Thanksgiving dinner or have to run around to 5 different places or even spend money on an overpriced Halloween costume. I’m choosing to teach my children to adapt, take things in stride, and find something good while everything else around them is blowing up into a huge pile of crap.

If we dwell on the things that we are missing out on, we are teaching our kids not to be resilient. We are teaching them that they have to be miserable rather than choosing to find the positive in any situation. If we teach them that they shouldn’t be resilient and adaptable, how will that affect them as adults? Well, I imagine you’ll teach children that they have to sit down and take it rather than make the best of a situation. They will tell their bosses “No, I don’t like this so I’m going to act like a brat about it”, then they get fired. Instead, when you teach them resilience, they won’t let things bother them. They’ll be less stressed. They’ll find the best in the situation and use that to overcome whatever challenges that they face.

… Or you could teach them that the world revolves around them and they shouldn’t adapt. Why should they adapt? They are used to one thing and that’s all they know and they shouldn’t change. Right? That’s something that makes a lot of sense and won’t contribute to raising another entitled generation….