Tag Archives: Mental Health

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The Joys of Only Trying to Impress Yourself

As I’m currently slowly losing weight, it’s been a different journey from the last time that I went through this process. Last time, I just looked at the baby weight and felt not really disgust with it, but just general unhappiness with it. I didn’t necessarily lose the weight for any other reason than I just didn’t want to have it anymore. That inspired shortcuts that took the weight off and kept the baby weight off until a series of medication changes and stressful situations caused it to slowly come back. This time, it’s not about not wanting to listen to people comment on my weight. It isn’t because I’m trying to impress my partner; my husband loves me no matter what.

No. I’m trying to impress me. Not really in the sense of that I tie in my self-worth with anything like how I look or whether or not people are impressed with me. I don’t need a fancy ring or big house or perfect body to show off because I don’t care about being impressive. In all honestly, I barely care if the people within my household are impressed with me. Is it healthy to not have this need to be impressive? Does that mean that I don’t have any goals to be better? I do have goals and strive to be the best me that I can be. But I just don’t have the need for praise. I don’t need to show off that I’m losing weight to get the masses to support me. Some people need that for motivation. They need to do what helps them on their journey and they shouldn’t be ashamed of that. However I’m very self-motivated, which is probably why working independently at home works for me. I know what I need to do. I focus on what I need to do. And I get it done. Because I will always do what needs to get done.

My confidence shows in other ways. I don’t call myself pretty, because I don’t view myself as anything other than “adequately good-looking”. It’s not because I don’t have confidence in my appearance. It’s because I don’t care about that. I don’t care if other people find me attractive because my husband does, and that’s the extent that I care about my looks. My current weight loss journey has more to do with my mental health than trying to look hot. I’m not down on myself because of my weight. I just need to be in a better mental state and working out and focusing on losing weight makes me feel better mentally. Didn’t lose any weight or gained this week? I don’t get upset. I just look towards doing better next week. I take the same approach to my weight loss as I do in everything else. I’m going to have bad days. I’m going to have good days. Every day gives me that fresh opportunity to be better somehow. I work out because it eases the stress and just gives me a mental boost when I need it. I eat healthier because I mentally feel better. The goal is to feel better, not look better. I think this distinction not only makes it different than last time, but it also makes it easier to accomplish and stick to. A strong foundation in mental health means that I can be better for my family.

I wrote a post before about how I’d rather be honest than impressive. That’s a motto that I honestly live by now because otherwise, it’s stressful. It’s stressful trying to be the perfect mom that has their kid in a billion activities, has a perfectly clean house, and has genius Ivy League bound kids. That’s never going to be who I am. I’m never going to be someone that is impressive and I’m not going to place that on myself. What I will do is always try to be the best version of myself that I can be because that’s what I want for myself, not because other people expect it of me. When you stop trying to impress others and focus on trying to impress yourself, that’s when you can make the changes that you want to. That’s when you can achieve peak happiness, or at least whatever semblance of it that we can have today.

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The Two Most Important Questions to Ask Your Kids

Every day when I first see my boys after school, I ask my boys 2 simple questions: “How are you?” and “How was your day?” I consider these the most important questions that I will ask my kids every day. There’s a subtle difference between these two questions, even if you think I’m just asking the same question twice. But it’s very deliberate.

The first question I ask them every day is “How are you?” I’m asking them about how they emotionally feel after their day. Do they feel good? Excellent, even? Are they feeling a bit meh? I want to know how they are feeling because that’s the most important thing to me. I want to make sure that I ask because I want them to know that first and foremost, I care about their mental health. If they have a few days in a row where they shrug or answer negatively, I plan a surprise to cheer them up. I give them more individual time to see what’s going on. I make sure that they know how important they are.

The second question immediately follows. “How was your day?” This is me asking them what happened. Did anything fun or exciting happen? Was it a crappy day? This gives them the opening to know that I’m here to listen to them, no matter how great or boring or bad their day was. Surprisingly, they always open up. “This kid was a bully to me, but it’s okay because I just ignored them.” Or my oldest goes on long discussions about how amazing his forensics class is or how he roasted his friend. This can also give some excellent insight into how they are feeling.

These questions are incredibly important for a few reasons. First of all, it tells them that I honestly care about how their day was no matter how mundane it was. I give them my undivided attention as they answer these questions to show them that no matter what, I’m going to be annoyingly there for them. I stop work when they answer and any other time that they want to talk to me. I want them to know that I am there for them and have this open line of communication so if there is something big, they’ll let me know.

Most importantly, I’m emphasizing how important mental health is. In the past, mental health was shrugged off or seen as a weakness. Even today, there’s still so much stigma around it. I want them to know that they are loved and valued. I want them to know that I care about their emotional health more than I care about their grades. As it turns out, this is something that may even help them do better in school. My expectations for them are that they grow up happy, love what they do, give back, and just be productive people in society.

I stand by my belief that these are the most important questions to ask your kids every day. This forms a special and trusting bond that may be helpful to them when they need it the most. Maybe this can make a difference in their lives, no matter how annoying they find me today.