I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to heat. I’ve fainted more than a handful of times due to the heat, and it’s not ever even all that hot. I’m fairly certain my body just slowly starts shutting down when it hits 75 degrees, and for every 10 degrees after that I become more miserable. I apologize, I don’t just get more miserable. I become incredibly intolerable as well. I’m a January baby, I love the cold. If whatever means controls the world had wanted me to be a summer baby, they would’ve made me a little less gingery and a little more into beaches and pools.

Last pregnancy, I wasn’t very big at all during the pregnancy only gaining about 10 lbs maybe at most. The summer only bothered me as much as summer normally bothers me. This summer I’m shamefully admitting being an extra 30somethinglbs of baby, and it’s not comfortable at all. In fact, I would rank it pretty low on my comfort scale. I think that my plan on having a child during a time when it can have a party it can enjoy without fear of snow or being too cold backfired on me. Sure he gets a pool party, but I get to sweat through all 5 of my maternity shirts and wish I could just sit around in my underwear in front of my AC, nicely nestled against my bed. Maybe I should get a mini-fridge for there too, so I could just stay in my bedroom all summer long and wait this fetus out.

I can probably take comfort that I’m not the only miserable pregnant woman fighting 90+ degree weather, but I’m a New Englander. I’m used to snow and rain and awful weather, while crying about how humid our summers are wishing to move to Alaska. I won’t go to Alaska though, I saw 30 Days of Night. There’s a political joke in there somewhere, but I’m not touching it. Just like I’m not touching a vampire. Twilight was wrong, vampires aren’t sparkly they just look that way as you transform into one of them. They are just as uninteresting as the movies make them out though.

So while pregnancy books all say “go out and swim and keep hydrated in this heat”, I’ll deal with this my way. I’m going to alternate between laying next to my AC and an ice tub filled bathtub, while wanting to migrate to Canada. If you nuts can go south for the winter to stay in summer heat, I can go north to frenchieland to keep winter. I’d take a fjord over a beach any day.