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That Quiet Thing We Never Talk About

Last December, I wrote this post about an incident that happens quite regularly for me. Every 3 months, to be exact. I was terrified when I wrote it. We’re taught that these are the quiet things that we never talk about. When we do, it’s in embarrassed little whispers and we feel dirty for talking about menstruation and “female parts”. Something that happens to about half the world’s population but it still isn’t something we discuss. Rather than be open about it, we’re taught to be ashamed of our bodies.

I should have written more blogs about what it’s like to hate your own body because of something out of your control. Girls are laughed at when they stand up for themselves because “It must be that time of the month.” It’s a joke to others and a shameful reality for most. Society tells us to just suck it up. It’s in our head. Every other woman has the same struggle as you do. You’re just a baby that can’t handle that.

I’ve been told by a lot of people to just suck it up. It can’t be that bad. It’s a lonely feeling when you know you’re not alone in your struggles with your female parts but it’s even lonelier knowing that these are the quiet things that we’re not supposed to talk about and there are other people who share your struggles who also remain silent. But we need to talk about it. Otherwise, how many other women are going to suffer in silence because we refuse to admit that we’re not okay and no one is willing to help us figure out why?

As it turns out from some research, there’s actually a term for this: “medical gaslighting” or “healthcare gaslighting“. (I added an interesting article I came across.) This article was actually pretty fascinating as I remember a time when I would plead with doctors for answers, only to have them say it’s in my head or I’m just playing up my symptoms. I wonder if there are no answers because no one cares to look. I mean, these issues only affect about 49.6% of the population so it can’t be that important to look into.

I even remember when I was younger and my mom would fight for me at the doctors. “She’s probably not going to have kids with this problem anyways, so why bother?” is what I remember the doctor saying. I was a teenager and rather than taking it seriously, they just dismissed me because I was potentially going to be infertile anyways and I was just a kid who couldn’t handle the pain. (Spoiler: a few years later at 18, I did end up pregnant with my oldest. 10 years later, I very easily got pregnant with my youngest.) I remember missing out on many days of college because I couldn’t leave the bed. I would get my period every 2 weeks and in those “off-weeks”, I was in the nauseated PMS stage where I felt dizzy and like death the entire time with brain piercing hormonal headaches. The first time I ended up on low dose pills was the only time that I found any sort of relief. Well, for the first year anyways. Then the symptoms came back with a vengeance and I’ve just had to deal with it since. But, the good news is that now I only have to struggle for 14 days every 3 months rather than every month. (insert eyeroll here)

I have given up. I figure that I only have about 10 or 15 more years to deal with it at this point, so why bother? I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t be able to work outside of the house because of these problems, even if this is the first time I’m admitting that this is a major reason for my choice. I’ve accepted that I have to plan my social calendar (after coronavirus) around my cycle. I’ve accepted that my husband will treat me like a porcelain doll during this time because he’s afraid of me passing out in a place where I can’t get help or getting more seriously hurt when I do. That I need 3 heating pads wrapped around me just not to cry in pain because nothing I’ve tried works and at least the heat dulls it a little. The embarrassing things that I have to deal with when it comes to the excessive bleeding. And here I am, flushed in the face that I even wrote this paragraph.

But… stay with me here… what if we didn’t have to suffer in silence because of this thing that we’re raised to not talk about or to be embarrassed about? What if the doctors did care enough to put the time into figuring it out or someone cared enough to research it so there were answers for the rest of us suffering as a result of these health issues? It might be too late for my generation, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fight for the future ones.

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It’s Been One Wild Year

It’s been about a year now since the world was set on fire. I mean, I guess I would argue that it was starting on this path of wildfire years ago, but this is when the dumpster fire first started. Schools started to close. Panic shopping started to be a thing. I remember at the beginning of this, when they said, “This will require everyone to work together to get through” my immediate thought was that we were screwed. We have to rely on other people to do the right thing and we can just be done with this? This will be Walking Dead by the end of the year.

It’s been a year, hasn’t it? Here’s what I’ve learned during that time.

  • When you rely on a community to come together and they do, magic happens. The schools came together to make sure the community was fed. Groups made food boxes for families hit hardest by the pandemic. It was incredible to see and gave me just a little bit of faith that humanity wasn’t too far gone quite yet.
  • Also, when you rely on a community to come together, you’re going to be very disappointed. “Masks kill!” runs rampant, preventing people from doing the very basic thing for themselves and their community to keep everyone safe. Then, a virus becomes a full-blown pandemic that kills over 530,000 people just in America alone.
  • Stupidity does reign supreme and you just need a few idiots to ruin everything.
  • Logic is not people’s friend; nor are facts and science.
  • We can’t trust those in power to protect us because they don’t care about us.
  • Political and ideal divisions will literally kill people.
  • This went on far longer than it should have. It wasn’t that hard to just wear masks, people.
  • Teachers and nurses deserve far more credit than they get on a regular basis. (I didn’t just learn this because these are 2 professions I’ve always held in very high regard. Just for the time being at least, other people have started to realize that these professions are the backbone of our society.)
  • I was right to not go into teaching. I have such little patience for it that I would just lose my mind.
  • People are far more selfish than I ever thought that they could be. (See: “It wasn’t that hard to just wear masks, people.)

There are more important lessons that we learned here, far more important than that I learned to make bread and many other great recipes much like everyone else who spent quarantine mastering new cooking skills. The most important lessons should be just how great things can be when we just come together to make things happen. Communities that came together and supported each other through this crisis are the ones that thrived. The most selfish of those communities were hit the hardest. That should have been something that we take away and learn from so that we can become better as a society.

… I don’t have faith that will happen. But I suppose one can hope?

Let’s take what we learned from this year and strive to be better together.

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United States of AMErica: One Nation, Under Oneself

Browsing through social media, a place that has caused me more anger than “real life”, I saw someone say that people don’t wear masks because we live in “AMErica”. I chuckled. It was a bit clever. I enjoyed it. But this idea stuck in my head, for all the wrong reasons. It made sense. It was witty because it was beyond true. We have become a country that is more concerned with our own self-serving purposes than helping our neighbors. It’s about selfies to show off “looked cute, might delete later” for the sole purpose of likes and compliments. It’s about taking a photo of you helping someone, when it was just a photo op without any real kindness or intention to help. Once the camera is off, they go back into their luxury cars proud of their “good deed” plastered all over social media.

Think about this for a minute: What issues have been caused by this “Me First” approach? I’ll go with the obvious one first: the pandemic. “But I don’t want to wear a mask. I’ll get asthma if I do and I searched around 20 different websites before I found the one unscrupulous medical ‘professional’ to prove I’m right! You’re all sheeple that are being controlled by the fear-mongering liberals. Don’t wear masks! Don’t follow guidelines!” Spoiler: I’m no medical expert, but they said the longer that people had this mindset and did whatever they wanted because it’s “Me, me, me”, the longer we stayed in this mess. This “Me First” policy has kept us in this situation where over a half a million people in America died and still following these same guidelines a year later. It just involved people doing something for the greater good to get over this quicker, but freedoms and liberties or something. Whatever. Me First.

In a lesser, but equally important context, the concept of offensiveness. When Dr. Seuss’ estate stopped publishing books that even the author himself said was racist (also key point here: the estate stopped publishing the books not the government), it suddenly became this “I don’t see how this can be offensive.” “I don’t find it offensive at all.” First of all, I didn’t even know those books existed until this happened and I’m willing to bet most of the outraged people didn’t either. Secondly, if an Asian person (like I don’t know, my husband) points out why it’s offensive, I believe him. When your kid is called “chinky” or won’t get played with because he’s “Chinese looking”, I understand why that imagery of Asian people is offensive. When I pointed this out on Facebook to someone who says “I’m not sure why an Asian guy wearing an Asian hat eating with chopsticks” is offensive and people still don’t get it, it’s because they don’t care to get it. Because the fact that it’s offensive to someone else is irrelevant to them. Because it’s “Me First”. They were told to be offended by people being offended and by golly, they are going to be loud and ignorant about it!

I don’t remember it being like this growing up. But now I realize why my heart gets happy when I see something on social media about how someone bought their coffee order for them or paid for their breakfast tab at a restaurant. It’s because at some point, we have become so numb and oblivious of this descent into selfishness and self-serving ideals that these stories of people just being decent-freaking-human beings is hero-worthy these days. These people are being kind, and are rightfully complimented for their anonymous good acts. Hilariously, the biggest people applauding these special moments are the people who seem to be mostly about “Me First”. Do as you say?

The point is, we can be better than this by listening. Maybe instead of just letting someone tell you “cancel culture” (hilarious note: think of all the banned books in predominately Republican states before ranting about cancel culture), maybe take some time to see maybe why someone finds it offensive. Because it matters to them. Even if it seems ridiculous to you, maybe there’s a valid reason that you didn’t consider. Maybe if medical professionals say “wearing a mask would end this thing”, you should just suck it up and wear a mask. Because freedom doesn’t mean that you get to tell everyone else to eff off because you don’t want to be told what to do. Imagine the crappy world we’d live in if that were the… oh.. wait.

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But, We Have to Save Them!

To start things off, I’m going to be very clear: racism is a very serious problem and it never really went away, despite what people tell us. If we don’t acknowledge the problem and the severity of it, there will never be change. If we ignore the facts and listen to talking points of how any movement trying to address this problem is a violent and extremist organization, then racism will be a forever problem. This is one topic that there should be no divide on: Racism is bad. It’s wrong. And if you can’t see that it’s a serious problem, you may actually be part of the problem.

I’m a reasonable person. I like to think that I put a great deal of thought into everything I say. I don’t want to be a talking piece for a political party, that recites their beliefs without thinking for myself. I’ve never been one to let someone tell me what I should think. On Facebook, a dear friend posted something about race on my timeline, how to be “less white” and asked my thoughts. I was confused why. He just wanted to get opinions. I gave mine. The moral of that lengthy response: Racism is bad and there should not be any argument there. However, the “race conversation” has to be one that inspires togetherness and change, not division. If you unnecessarily use the labels “white superiority” in a place just for the sake of sounding woke, you end up looking ridiculous to me.

One of the major points I tried to make was that I’m a privileged white girl that can only empathize with the problem, though I admit situations with my own son has made me see the problem closer to home. I can’t presume to know what it feels like when you’re targeted because of your skin color because it’s never happened to me. But, what I can do is listen to see the ways that I can help make the change that needs to happen. Even if it’s by writing words of solidarity for those who suffer injustice. Injustice is the enemy; not race. The minute that we forget that, we lose the fight.

My oldest son and I were talking recently, as he’s very fond of thoughtful conversations and debate. He asked, “Do you think that sometimes people go so far in one direction that they then become racists?” I responded: “Yes. The minute that you think that you have to save those being oppressed or mistreated, you have turned yourself into a racist because that implies a superiority over them. They don’t want to be saved. They want allies to fight with them to solve injustice and create a more equitable society. It’s not our job to save women or anyone else who’s fighting for equality; it’s our job to support their fight without demeaning any party. When you do, you lose the chance to inspire the change that you want to see.” He was satisfied with that answer and agreed.

This savior complex is what gets us in trouble. We keep thinking that people want us to save them. They don’t want some grand white angel to come down and save them from the world; they want your empathy and support to fight the issues that create this unfair world. We seem to have this need to think that we are in some way superior and that we need to save everyone. But it’s not about saving. It’s about changing those institutions that make life unfair. Racial profiling, shoot first/ask questions never. Lack of funding and support in low-income schools. These are the things that need to be changed. The practices that we have just accepted need to change. There’s no saving required. Just fight alongside those who are peacefully trying to change the world into a better place for all of us.

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The Real Problem is That You’re Shocked

All last week, all we kept hearing about is Ted Cruz went on vacation. Honestly, I was more offended at the amount of people who harped on this for so long. Not because what he did was acceptable for a person on the (partially) tax payer dime, who should be working for the people. But because they were seemingly shocked that he doesn’t care about the people he’s supposed to work for. In fact, I think any time that people are shocked that _____ (insert politician here) didn’t do something with the best interests of the people in mind, I’m shocked that people don’t pay enough attention. Or, they are just complaining for the sake of complaining. I take my normal stance on things like this: I would respect him more for standing his ground and just staying on vacation rather than feigning a sense of duty because people were mean on social media.

This isn’t a point about arguing whether or not Ted Cruz did the right thing or anything about a specific politician. (Though, I mean, fine for your family to go but as a politician, you have a duty to your constituents to at least pretend to care.) The point is that people are somehow shocked that politicians don’t care about them. They care about the people who pay them the most; the corporations and lobby groups. We are nothing to them, unless we are rich donors that have some significant problem that money can easily buy away. That makes me wonder then: are we the problem or are they? I would argue that we are the problem.

Politicians shouldn’t be politicians because they want riches and power; they should have a sense of duty and commitment to their constituents. You know, the people who have voted for them because they believed that they were going to do the right thing. Because they believed that this person was going to help make a positive impact on not just their family, but their community or even society as a whole. Or, they just voted for that letter next to their name, because they are ride or die with whatever group they are associated with regardless of their actual beliefs.

I would argue that we are the problem because as a collective society, we are the ones who keep voting these people into power. We are the ones who care more about political affiliations than principles. We are the ones saying that this behavior is acceptable every time that we ignore things like, I don’t know so I’m pulling this out of nowhere, inciting an insurrection and allowing people to continue to believe a lie just to get votes. We are the ones who ignore their misdeeds because “blue no matter who” or “red or we dead” (I don’t know, there’s got to be some saying for them but I just don’t know it.) We are the ones who do not expect more from our elected officials, at any level really.

I would also argue that at this point, we are too far gone. People have drawn their lines in the sand and don’t care about anything else. As long as those people dig in, certain that there are only 2 belief systems and that it’s us vs. them, we’re screwed. Our only hope is that the future generations learn the lessons from us, that most of the time the answer is somewhere right in the middle. That political extremism and making enemies with people just because their ideals are a little different are the real problems. We need to be more accepting. We need to listen, even when we think we are right. Because, the other person also thinks that they are right. And most of the time the answer is somewhere in the middle.

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Parenting the Free-Spirited

I get it. I wasn’t a normal kid growing up. I was spirited. I did things my own way. I didn’t want to be fit in a box with labels and I did everything that I could growing up to keep people on their toes. I was a unique, free-spirited child that enjoyed a bit of mischief and psychological warfare. I’m really not afraid to admit that I still have these same tendencies. This attitude has kept me sane and surprisingly out of the typical drama that adults deal with. Because I genuinely don’t care. The other parents want to make fun of my custom Chucks or my really warm hat and stained winter coat, let them. I’m not dressed like a blizzard is coming at any moment for them; I like being warm and cozy in winter. and if you want to look stylish and freeze, that’s your issue.

My children each have a bit of this free-spirit in them, though my oldest child is far more reserved. It’s challenging, especially as a parent, because you want them to follow basic rules of behavior but at the same time you don’t want them to lose that free spirit. My youngest has been the biggest challenge with this, primarily because he doesn’t have time to bother with whatever social norms are expected of him unless it really matters to him like when he’s teased for his uniqueness. For instance, when kids at school made fun of his Skechers shoes because they weren’t Nike or Under Armor shoes and my husband proceeded to buy him a new pair of shoes because my husband was scarred from some incidents where our child was teased for being Asian and it was important to “minimize what they could tease him about”.

He has always just marched to his own drum. From his alternating between sleeping, waving, and acrobats during ultrasounds, we knew from the start that he was going to be his own man. He was born in September and by Thanksgiving, he was rolling around like a madman. I remember telling the pediatrician and he laughed at me saying “It’s too early for that”. He didn’t laugh when my spirited little child tried to roll of the exam table and the doctor looked at me and said “Yeah, you have a mover on your hands.” Developmental milestones meant nothing to this child, whether it was inch-worming by Christmas or not speaking until he was 4, my little guy decided he was going to just do things his own way.

There’s a fine line that needs to be walked here, one where picking your battles gets a little harder. Because it ends up that everything is a battle. Bedtimes are rude and I’m the worst for enforcing them. How dare I expect him to wear pants when guests come to our house? You do want to encourage the independent spirit, even if there’s a bit of defiance behind everything he says. When you don’t encourage the independent spirit, you end up with someone who follows whatever is the popular thing at the moment or blindly follows a political party without questioning it. It’s not about raising someone to be molded in your image or into this perfect, ideal child; it’s about raising someone into the person that they are supposed to be.

It’s going to be a complicated struggle. You will end up sobbing behind the closed door of your bedroom because you’re on the verge of breaking down. But the most important thing is to not break their spirit in your goal of trying to teach them how to be both good people and free spirits. I wish I could offer some advice on the best approach, but I’m just winging it where some days are better than others. But that’s kinda my advice on anything parenting related. We’re all just trying to make it out alive with children who grow up to be reasonably functioning but not totally damaged adults.

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The Anticipation and Hesitation of Sending Them Back

After winter break has concluded, it’s anticipated that the kids will finally be returning back to school. My youngest will be going back 4 days a week and a remote day. My oldest will be returning for 2 days a week with remote learning for the rest of his week. Once upon a time, I would be cheering for the ability to send them back. Not that I didn’t love them… but doesn’t every mom need a break? Wearing all the hats moms are expected to wear on the regular is difficult enough some days; adding in the extra responsibilities of teacher and principal just are too much for me while trying to work and get everything else done. I partially blame this for my lack of creative drive to get my own personal work done.

It is anxiety-inducing for me. What if they do bring the virus home with them, with my husband potentially missing 2 weeks of work or me getting very sick/suffering from the aftermath? My body loves being unique, meaning that usually the rarer conditions/side effects typically happen to me. I blame my Irish immune system. My body loves playing tricks on me, such as having bad allergies but also being allergic to Benadryl. You learn to adapt and laugh at the insanity.

Back to the point. As anxiety-inducing as this is for me, I’m also a woman of logic. Statistically, they won’t get infected at school. It’s also the best thing for my youngest, who thrives in a situation where there’s far more structure. Where the teacher can be the one to keep him on track because apparently I do a piss poor job of it. Also, I don’t know common core so I taught him old school math. I apologize in advance for what that’s going to look like in the classroom. Plus, he can finally talk to his friends in person. I just hope he follows the “no hug” rule, which will probably be difficult for my boy who is know for being a bit of an affectionate guy that the other moms just love.

I’m putting a lot of trust in these schools to not screw this up. I’m putting a lot of trust in other parents, who somehow still drop off their kids despite the fact that they have the flu. I just hope that I don’t regret that. I’ve seen the impact this virus has when people get symptoms and the aftermath of that. I have a lot of people relying on me to have my crap immune system give out on me because other people didn’t want to do the right thing. But… I mean.. yay school?

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To Impeach or Not to Impeach: Part 2?

I will admit, I wasn’t entirely a fan of the first impeachment proceedings. Did he do what they said? I argued this point way back when I wrote about the first impeachment. I argued that it didn’t matter if he did; he wouldn’t be convicted because it was a relatively minor offense and the Republicans would never actually convict. I argued that it was a waste of time and tax payer money. No one would take it seriously, especially since up to that point people were calling for his impeachment before he even took his oath. Did I like him and think he should have been elected? No, I thought he was a criminal and at least as questionable as Hilary was, so I believed neither had any business being in office. But, to root for his failure was to root for America to fail and I just couldn’t get behind that idea.

Now, we are coming upon a second impeachment trial. Do I still think it’s a waste of time? In a way, yes. Unless people grow a spine, he’s not going to be convicted. Party before country is the new belief that these politicians have, where they worship their leader and never question anything. I wasn’t raised that way. And I absolutely think he should be convicted this time, whereas last time I wasn’t really sure what to think. Whether or not I believe that he incited the capital riots during that rally, his behaviors leading up to that point were enough to have me sold. Instead of peddling lies, he could have took the loss like a man. Not like my kid who doesn’t want to admit that he ate the last of my Flamin’ Hot Doritos, going with the “deny, deny, deny” approach. I get it; no one wants to admit failure. But at what cost?

In this case, the cost was our potential freedom.

We have an election process in place, one that even his own judges said was valid and not illegitimate. There was no fix or fraud. The only difference is that more people had the ability to vote due to the ability to mail in their ballots. I have skipped “minor” elections as my polling place is 2 miles away from my home because it was too much of a hassle to get there and park where there’s hardly any parking. It just isn’t worth it. I didn’t vote in our mayoral race for that reason. I’m not here to argue about whether or not they should continue allowing it to be easier for people like me to vote. (Spoiler: every legal American has the right to legally vote.)

Had he admitted that he lost and that the election was fair, this entire situation could have been avoided. We wouldn’t have our nation’s capital barricaded like a war zone as the National Guard, FBI, capital police, and local police walking around as if everyone is the enemy looking to take down the core of our democracy. They wouldn’t want to see everything burn. They would just sulk away as those who claimed Hilary was robbed did when Trump was sworn in. Did they complain afterwards? Yes, but I didn’t think they were going to ever try to kill political rivals. They were just whiny people that spent their energy complaining.

But he didn’t. Then, you could potentially argue that his tweets and his rallies after this point only dumped gasoline on this fire. Did his rally prior to the vote certification inspire an insurrection or was it a combination of everything prior to that and then the rally was the final straw? Was this all planned out? I think so. I honestly think so.

But it doesn’t matter. Because facts don’t matter to his dedicated believers, those who look at President Trump as a messiah. It doesn’t matter that the election wasn’t actually fraudulent; they were told it was therefore it was. The Republican senators have a choice to follow suit, keeping their votes safe and secure by staying in line with their messiah whether they are actually believers or not. Or, they could stand up for what’s right. To put the country ahead of the party. And until politicians start putting America first rather than their party, this country will never get better. They are governing for all of us and it’s about time that both parties start remembering that.

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Hooray, It’s a Snow Day!

Though right now, is a snow day really any different than any other day aside from the fluffy white covering everywhere?

At the beginning of my district’s school year, they announced that they were getting rid of snow days. The kids are going to be remote anyways, so what’s the point? Save the days. I, if I’m being honest, 100% agreed. Let the kids get out sooner since the classrooms in our district are super hot in the summertime. Plus, it reduces the sun exposure my poor Irish skin has to be exposed to when picking up my son from school.

Apparently I was in the minority with this belief. The parents were fervent in their belief of snow days. “But the magic of snow days!” I get the point. It gives the kids a mental health day to play in the snow. Fine. Let them have snow days. I’m open-minded enough to see that there are other point of views that are better than mine. Plus, the added benefit would be that I wouldn’t have to argue with my spirited son about his school work while also trying to do my own work. It would be a win-win.

Except, that’s not really what parents wanted apparently. Today, there was a snow day called based on the forecast. Seeing it outside now, I can see why. The local forums weren’t as happy. “Why bother having a snow day?! They are remote anyways!” As much as we want to, we can’t have it both ways. We can’t just have a single snow day when we fight for snow days. You get snow days when they seem fit. The poor school district just can’t win. Either way, parents are going to be pissed at them and that pissed group is just as loud, abundance, and opinionated as the other group. Let the kids have a day where they aren’t at the computer for all those hours. Let teachers regroup, especially my poor son’s teacher. I know he isn’t easy, but he’s so cute and lovable.

I applaud my school district. They are doing what they can to make things as normal as possible right now. They are trying to do the right things for their students, teachers, and parents. It’s just extremely hard to do the right thing when everyone seems to have their own opinion as to what the right thing is. Managing the expectations of everyone when no one is on the same page must be stressful enough. I think instead of fighting them every step of the way, maybe we give them some room to navigate these unprecedented circumstances. They are learning this at the same exact time we are. If we are not going to adapt, we are teaching our kids to be stuck in their ways and this just won’t serve them for the future. You need a little flexibility to succeed and thrive, both professionally and mentally.

We can’t control everything in life, as much as we may want to. I gave up trying to control things a long time ago and I couldn’t be happier. Sometimes you just have to watch things happen because the only thing that you can control is your reaction to things. Take the time to cherish this snow day, because you’ll blink and your kids will be moved out and you will wish you had this day again.

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The Daily Adventures of the Verbally Abusive 8 Year Old

I feel like every day of remote learning is tearing away of what’s left of my sanity. Should the schools be opened because I’m losing my crap here? They should open when it’s determined to be safe enough. I chose to be a mother; I signed up for all of the mentally challenging parts as well as those joyous moments. My kid being more than a handful was probably my fault. I tried my best. I really did. The first one came out so well.

Joking aside, I have spent a good majority of most mornings being screamed at for entire chunks of the morning. He’s screaming about being tortured. How he’s forced to do schoolwork against his will. How sitting at a desk is torture and schools don’t care about kids and they just want to torture him and all he wants to do is play video games and revel in his defiance of everything that the adults say.

I wish I could say it was the remote learning crushing his spirit. The truth is that my spirited special boy is his own person. He spends his school day trying to work smarter, not harder. By trying out outsmart the teacher by logging minutes on things when he just “AFKs” and lets the minutes log while he pulls up game sites and YouTube on his Chromebook. It’s exhausting running in his space in the dining room, while he breaks the 1000000th headset of the school year and reminding him of all the work he should be doing. Then he shows me the work is turned in and everything is fine. It isn’t. He didn’t do it and just turned it in so that it looked completed to me. Then I get the message first thing in the morning about how he needs to the work he didn’t do the day before. Which starts this vicious cycle all over again.

I try so hard. I’m worried he will fail the 3rd grade because he doesn’t care about school. He’s 8 and doesn’t care about school. He doesn’t want to go to bed when he should. In fact, if he’s told to do anything against his will, he turns into a gremlin who ate after midnight and the wrath is felt by everyone in the house.

I try not to argue. You can’t argue with a 8 year old, especially when they start complaining about how they are suffering and being abused for having to do school work. I try to be patient, when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and start physically pulling out the hair that is already falling out due to stress.

This is just a phase. He has anxiety and a sensory condition. It’s difficult to navigate this time, which is already pretty tricky. I take comfort in the fact that I’m told my husband was just as bad at that age. But, he turned out well as an adult. Not sure my husband put a metal toy in between the surge protector and the Chromebook cord out of boredom during school, causing the power in the entire room to go out. At least my oldest learned how to reset the fuse at the box, a valuable lesson for any adult to know.

We will make it through it together. We will navigate this tricky phase and come out better on the other side. The best I can do is make sure that he knows that he’s loved and supported, no matter how long he screams at me for being an abusive torturous mother for forcing him to do his work. I can hug him and let him know that he’s fighting for independence and I get that, but that at the end of the day he still just needs mommy cuddles. It’s hard for kids to manage their emotions, especially when they don’t even know what they are going through. It just takes some patience… and a bottle of wine after they go to sleep.